PSYC 222

HOMEWORK INSTRUCTIONS

Due date: 1 Week from today (Worth 3 points).

YOUR NAME: _________________________________

Read the attached comments about the opposite sex written by the males in this class (or by males in other sections of this course).

Answer the following questions (your answers need not be typed-- you can write on this sheet if you wish). Indicate the page number and area of the page where the comment can be found (e.g., column 1 or 2; top, middle or bottom of the column).

You will discuss your reactions in small groups during the next class session.

Which of the written comments made by the males:

1. ...was written so well or eloquently, or addressed such a personal issue, that it evoked a sincere sense empathy in you?

2. ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why?

3. ...honestly revealed something about male perceptions, feelings or thoughts that you suspect that they generally might be very reluctant to admit to if their comments were not anonymous.

4. ...seemed to be a particularly good example of one of the robust gender differences predicted by evolutionary psychology.

5. ...that you found, in general, surprising and/or particularly interesting.

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QUESTION #1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling.

#1 A recent puzzling occurance with a freind of the opposite sex was when we were trying to plan an outing to a movie and ended up playing phone tag for a little while. I had talked to her once earlier in the day about it, and tryed to get ahold of her later to verify. I called, left a message. She called, left a message. And when I finally reached her after getting her massage, she said she didn't want to see a movie anymore because she was angry that I called so much. It was puzzling to me that her mood toward me changed so quickly after a minor, frustrating dilema.

#1 Often times speaking with a member of the opposite sex can be puzzling for me. The one thing that I find most puzzling is the way that the opposite sex uses silence in their attempts to communicate. They will at times think that I am a mindreader and will know what they are thinking; therefore, they will assume that they do not need to use verbal language. This for me is quite puzzling because I am not a mindreader and their silence usually just frustrates

and/or worries me.

#1 There are certain behaviors of women, in general, that I find truly incomprehensible. Most of these enigmas are behaviors that I have observed women enjoy doing, such as shopping.

#1 One time I found myself out to a movie with a female friend. The theme of the film was that of action and violence. People were getting shot up left and right and in one scene an assassin took aim at a father holding his child and took out two birds with one stone if you know what I mean. When this scene occurred the girl I was with completely lost it and had what I witnessed to be a emotional breakdown including heavy crying mixed with shortness of breath as if she were terrified. After the movie she was embarrassed at her reaction. I just do not understand why a movie (not real) could put her over the top like that. I think she was having a bad day earlier with her parents so maybe she just needed a catharsis.

#1. In all my interactions with the opposite sex the one thing that puzzles me is their sudden mood changes. Nothing bothers me more than when my girlfriend or any of my female friends are in a good mood, and then all of a sudden they turn to she- devils. And not only at that time of the month. It seems like everyday. The times that this really bothers me is when my girlfriend is in a good mood and I say one word that she takes the wrong way and all of a sudden my life is a living hell. Girls need to choose a mood, not one or two for the hour, but one.

#1. There have been previous interactions where the opposite sex has found me puzzling and things of that nature. The main reason for this is they did not know what aspect I was coming from and my thoughts behind it. I think it did have to do with their gender because we do think differently as different sexes. It can also be the opposite where I have found the opposite somewhat puzzling

because they're coming from a different aspect than I am.

#1. I do not remember any interactions with anyone that were particularly puzzling. I certainly don't think that any that I may have had would be due to the persons gender.

#1 I cannot think of one unique situation that I have found deeply puzzling or confusing, but at times I find my girlfriend's personality incomprehensible just because she is a girl. I am sensitive to her needs, but she often goes through an array of emotions during the day that I cannot understand because I am a guy. I think this is a common conflict for most relationships. It is nearly impossible for men and women to fully understand each other because they have different genders.

#1. My job is very physical and sometimes I sweat as a result of it. Once I was around a girl who saw me sweating and she said something, nothing bad or anything but it just shows girls do not like sweat, period, on themselves or anyone else. I'm not saying I do like it but I play basketball and I skateboard so I've learned to live with it.

#1 It often puzzles me how girls/women are thoroughly miserable in the relations that they are in but remain in that relationship simply "they've been together for so long". Many times, "so long" has been insignificant in the great scheme of things and they haven't been happy for much of that time. It seems to me that women often let themselves lose their identity when in a relationship and are then afraid to end a relationship that is psychologically damaging. I don't think girls are even manipulated much of the time but in fact fully realize the personality surrender in which they engage but find it "cute" at the time.

#1 I was with a girl one time and she was crying. O.K., no big deal, lots of people cry. I asked her why she was crying and she said she did not know. I spent the next hour trying to make her feel better and tried to figure out what the problem was. She had no clue why and neither did I. I left and returned to her place later that day and she was perfectly fine and happy. To this day I am deeply puzzled as to why she did this. I think that because she was a women she was unable to say why she was crying. Women have the ability to let their emotions out, and do so quite often, where men do not.

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QUESTION #2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike?

#2 In general, I like that many women are passionate and caring, as a result of being able to read other people's emotion's quite aaccurately most of the time. What I don't like is that, in general, women expect everyone else (men) to be able to do it as well as they can.

#2 In general, I like the following qualities about the opposite sex: they are romantic, intuitive, gentle, caring, affectionate, beautiful, thoughtful, and intimate. In general, I dislike the following qualities about the opposite sex: they are self-conscious, get too jealous, they are moody, give guys the silent treatment, and they are vague when communicating.

#2 In general, I like the beauty, sexual appeal, comfort, and care provided by the opposite sex. I also think they are great listeners when I really need someone to talk to.

#2 I like it when I can exchange in flirting with a member of the opposite sex. It is kind of like we both know in our own heads what's going on, but when your just meeting a girl and getting good vibes from a her and the excitement starts to build, that's too fun for me. Not to mention that holding someone your attracted to closely or cuddling with them is great. I like their willingness to be taken care of and their nurturing attitude. What annoys me is the fact that the unspoken bond doesn't work well. You have to voice your feelings to them about them or they'll start thinking something is wrong. Also I think the opposite sex puts their feelings-which often resemble a roller coaster- in the forefront of their decision making process which I think should be replaced with sound reason and self- confidence.

willingness to be taken care of and their nurturing attitude. What annoys me is the fact that the unspoken bond doesn't work well. You have to voice your feelings to them about them or they'll start thinking something is wrong. Also I think the opposite sex puts their feelings-which often resemble a roller coaster- in the forefront of their decision making process which I think should be replaced with sound reason and self-confidence.

#2 I like the affection a woman provides. The nurturing tenderness a woman is able to give out feels wonderful. I also like the soft and gentle skin of most women. I like the way women seem to be more in touch with their emotions. I particularly dislike the sudden mood changes most women experience. Also, the way that most women are overly critical about themselves and others.

#2. First off, what I like about girls are their bodies or more so their physiological differences from males. Secondly, the one thing that I really like is they are not egotistical or arrogant, like males. I also like how nurturing, loving and affectionate they can be. I like how generally most females are ambitious or goal oriented. They also know how to express their emotions. I also like the cute faces they make when they want something or begging for something.

As for dislikes females are too critical of themselves thinking that they are too fat or some crazy idea like that. Then there is all the drama that they go through or even the drama that they create. What really annoys me is having to wait for 3 days for a girl to ready to go to a movie, and then we are late and walking in during the beginning of the movie with no seats left. Most of the time, I dislike how manipulative women can be. Trying to get you to do this and that. Then there is the communication problem, if you they want something they just say it and not take a week to get it out.

#2. What I like about the opposite is obviously physical. I like that they are, in general, different. We think differently and act differently. We are a lot alike, but what I like most is the differences. I dislike, however, that they don't understand that we are pretty much different and think in different ways. We have to understand that the two sexes are different other than just physically.

#2. Once again, I don't think that any specific traits can be said to be attributes of any one particular sex.

#2 In general, there are a few things I like about the opposite sex. I like the fact that women have varied interests from men. Also, I enjoy the companionship of a girl friend to share interests together. I dislike the incomprehensible conflicts that I face with the opposite sex, which often stems from an inability to communicate properly. In General, I dislike the fact that women just simply expect men to know what there needs are without saying anything.

#2.First of all I like the way girls look and the way they take care of themselves. I like smooth, soft skin, nicely groomed hair smelling like country apple shampoo as if she just stepped out the shower. I like the way she does her nails and how she color coordinates them to match what she is wearing. She's beautiful without the makeup but it just adds to her natural beauty. I like what she wears and the time and effort she puts into herself. I do not want to come across as superficial but there is no denying that the first thing that attracts you to a certain person is the way he or she looks. That is why you choose to talk to that person over others. As equally important to how a girl looks is how she acts because a pretty face comes a dime a dozen. I like doing something with a girl like playing a sport, shooting pool, or going shopping or an even simpler activity and having the activity not be all that important; it's just being with that girl that makes me happy. I like when I make girls laugh, just knowing I made them smile makes me smile too.

#2 I like about the opposite sex: sentimentality, affection (physical and emotional), loyalty (when applicable).

#2 What I like about the opposite sex is the fact that women are affectionate, trustworthy, attractive, and sensitive. I do know many women that would not fit all of these categories, but in general, most women have these traits. What I do not like about women are that they are over dramatic, gossipy, they have mood swings, and most all women can not take a complement, and if they could, I would probably think they are arrogant.

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QUESTIION #3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex?

#3 I think that the biggest missunderstanding women have about men is that

not all of us "just want to have sex."

#3 The opposite sex most misunderstands how we communicate. This problem is twofold. For one, they often times will not understand us when we talk to them. They jump to conclusions about what we say, take a joke too seriously, or shape what we have said into a completely different meaning. Secondly, they do not make their point across to us clearly enough so that we can understand what it is that they are talking about. They are too vague when speaking and will beat around the bush before getting to the main point of the conversation. This will usually put us in a confused state. Then they will get mad at us when we don't understand what they were trying to say. And silence is the worst. They sometimes try to communicate to us through silence as if we are supposed to know what it is that they are thinking. How should we know?

#3 The opposite sex (women) misunderstand most the way in which we communicate our love and affection. Also, they misunderstand our goals in pursuing relationships.

#3 That all we want them for are sexual objects.

#3 I think that the one thing that most women misunderstand about men is that all men are football fanatics and prefer to stay home every Sunday to watch

football games. I myself prefer to be outdoors on a Sunday. Maybe at a park or driving down the coast, rather than watching a football game.

#3. The one thing that females most misunderstand about males is our mind. They always interpret our words so wrong in a way that it gets us into trouble. There's no hidden meaning in what we are telling them.

#3. The thing the opposite sex misunderstand about us the most is how we think. They usually don't understand where we're coming from with our thoughts just because we are the opposite sex.

#3. Most of the people of the other sex understand me as well as those of the same sex.

#3 I think women often misunderstand that we enjoy doing things that they do not particularly like. Women often do not like to tolerate men just being guys.

#3 Girls do not understand that guys lose respect for girls who give it up too easily. Some girls think that if they give a guy what he wants then that will make him have feelings toward her, but the exact opposite is true; he'll lose respect for the girl. Don't get me wrong, he will still see her, who can blame him, but the last thing he is trying to do is turn a ho into a house-wife.

#3 I dislike about the opposite sex: ambiguity, weakness of character when it is emotionally easier to be weak, proclivity for feeling neglected.

#3 Women most misunderstands what our priorities are. When we decide to go out with the guys, they do not understand why and think that we do not care about them. To us its just doing something fun. We are not trying to get away from women or hide from our girlfriends, we're just hanging out.

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QUESTION #4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.?

#4 Usually when I spot a person of the opposite sex that I find attractive,

I tend to notice certain things about them in a certain order. First, I always have to notice their face. Then their body, and that's when I can also somewhat evaluate their style, taste, etc., judging by the clothes they are wearing. SHOES play a very important role in this stage of a "check out." Then, she either keeps walking or I get to meet her, and her personality determines whether I am still attracted to this girl or not.

#4 The three most important characteristics that attract me to someone of the opposite sex are: physical appearance, personality, and friendliness toward me. The first thing that I, or anyone else for that matter, notice about someone is their appearance. Physical beauty is the first thing that attracts me to members of the opposite sex. This is so because upon first meeting a girl, this is all that you know about her, what she looks like. After that, I start to pick up on her personality and friendliness toward me. If she were beautiful but had a personality incompatible with my own, then persuing a relationship with her would not be very wise for me. Likewise, it helps if she is nice to me, tries to talk with me, and understands me and my interests. These are all very attractive qualities.

#4 What attracted me to a particular woman was primarily her personality and the way she looked at me. Also, her manner of speaking with me and her intelligence. Then there is the physical appeal, which I also took into account. Of these characteristics, the most important is her personality.

#4 The characteristics which put me head over heals one time for a girl were like this. She was older, independent from her parents, intelligent, sexy as I'd ever seen, willing to take risks, caring, nurturing, funny, and confident.

#4 She was tall and slim. When I say slim, I don't mean anorexic. She had a plump physique and curves in all the right places. She had beautiful curly hair that embraced her dark- skinned face. When I looked in her direction, she stood with an erect posture that showed her strong confidence that she knew I wanted her. Although she was at the other end of the party, pretending not to notice me, I constantly caught her looking in my direction. And every time I caught her, she sent a huge smile my way.

#4. When I met my girlfriend besides her obvious physical attractiveness, I absolutely loved her sense of humor. Just from having the same sense of humor we found out that we had so much in common. Which is a plus, because you don't want to be with someone if you don't have much in common. I've played

volleyball since I was in the 3rd grade and when I found out that she did too, it drew me to her even more. One last thing is she has the cutest way of asking for things.

#4. I would have to say that the physically is what attracted me most to the opposite sex, initially. There has to be some form of physical attraction. It doesn't have to be a great deal, but just something that keeps me physically

attracted. The most important factor that attracted me is physical appearance

and a personality different than mine.

#4. The characteristics that most had to do with my being attracted were related to personality and physical appearance.

#4. When I think of my current relationship with my girlfriend, the primary thing that attracted me to her the most was her radiant smile and her big breasts. I also noticed that there was a large amount of sexual tension between us. As a began to know her as a friend I noticed that she was a very sensible person. The most important factor that attracted me to this person was her personality traits of friendliness and loving acceptance.

#4 The last time I liked a girl was ironic because her looks were not what initially attracted me to her. I was introduced to her through a friend and I just thought of her as another girl but as I began to be around her more often I found myself liking her more and more. I liked her smile the most. She also had beautiful eyes and a soft, welcoming voice.

#4 The most important thing that attracts me is: INTEREST IN ME. When a girl is interested in me, I am automatically, initially attracted. I may not want to peruse anything at all but it always makes an initial attraction. If a girl thinks I'm funny (which I often am) then that is an endearing quality. Then other issues take over. For example, her physical appearance is an important factor, self confidence is definitely importance but not if it is overdone to the point where the girl is militant. I'm quiet until I get to know people so an outgoing girl makes things easier. Not so incessantly talkative that I can't get a word in, but friendly enough so I can flirt back as opposed to having to flirt first.

#4 The characteristics of the girl that attracted me were obviously her looks, but also her kindness and realism. There are millions of beautiful women in the world, but for one of them to be truly attractive, they must have something else. I found myself attracted to this girl because she was acting like a normal person. She was not trying to impress anyone. She was being her real self, kind, sweet, and beautiful.

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QUESTION #5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex?

#5 The strengths of women in general: intuition, ablity to easily seduce

men, rarely step out of their moral boundries. Weaknesses: a little too much intuition sometimes, rarely stepping out of their moral boundries.

#5 The strengths of the opposite sex are: their intuition, thoughtfulness,

romantic tendancies, affection, and intimacy. Their weaknesses are: their self- consciousness, jealous tendencies, poor inter- gender communication skills, and moodiness.

#5 The opposite sex (women) is very strong in communication and understanding

social/interpersonal situations or relationships. The opposite sex is, however, weak in understanding their opposite sex, that is, men. They are also weak at restraining or controlling their emotions, which is why they appear overly

emotional to men.

#5 Strengths: Usually sensible, understand and help deal with emotional

problems better, more self-motivated than guys. Weaknesses: Not emotionally as stable as men, very often have low self- esteem which augments their desire to be attractive or desirable, vagueness.

#5 Strengths: Usually sensible, understand and help deal with emotional

problems better, more self-motivated than guys. Weaknesses: Not emotionally as stable as men, very often have low self- esteem which augments their desire to be attractive or desirable, vagueness.

#5 I think that a strength of the opposite sex is that they are stronger than men. When I say stronger, I don't mean physical strength. It just seems that since women are more in touch with their emotions, they are better able to hide them. For example, during a relationship break-up, I have discovered that most women are better able to turn away from their male partner more easily than men can. A common weakness is that most women are too gossipy. Being too gossipy can cause women to entangle themselves in a mess that they have difficult time releasing themselves from.

#5. As far as strengths go for femalesummm they tend to smell nice. They are able to express their feelings with their friends, where guys can't do that with their guy friends. Females are also more empathetic. They are also not afraid to cry. They are able to get what they want through manipulation techniques

such as whining. For their weaknesses, one, they gossip too much. Which in turn creates

drama where there is none. They also seem to misconstrue everything that guys say and they end up putting words into our mouths. This also goes along with them being too sensitive. One last weakness is, generally most females are too picky.

#5. The strengths of the opposite sex is how outgoing most of them are.

Another trait would be how they are different emotionally than people of my sex. That is part of the attraction there; that we are different personality wise. The weaknesses are that they seem to swing from one side to the other on issues without skipping a beat. They change their mind very often and overanalyze the little things.

#5. I think that each individual person has different strengths and weaknesses, not each sex.

#5 In my opinion the greatest strength of the opposite sex is their ability to listen and understand when you need to talk to someone about an important problem of factor in your life. A weakness of the opposite sex is when they displace their emotions.

#5 One strength girls possess is their ability to go off of instinct in certain situations instead of trying to think through everything. Sometimes it is better to dive into something, like entrusting one's feeling onto another, without thinking too much about it. Another weakness of girls is that they take things too personally. They let little, insignificant things bother them.

#5 The greatest strength of women is their ability to show emotion. That is important in any relationship from mother to child / husband to wife/ friend to friend. BUT, their greatest weakness, is that women are often controlled by their emotions. I'm sure an argument can be made that men are controlled by chemicals produced in their gonads but I'm dealing with women and their (I dare say Universal) ability to have their best judgement subjugated by emotions. Emotional incentives are not always bad, but when emotion overrides strength of character, ethical convictions, moral responsibilities, or simple common sense it is hazardous to the woman and any relationship in which she is involved.

#5 I feel that the strengths and weaknesses of women are the same as the qualities in them which I like and dislike as answered in question two.

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QUESTION #6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened.

#6 No.

#6 Offhand, I am unable to think of a particular instance in which I was treated unfairly by a member of the opposite sex. I can, however, give a general synopsis of what has occasionally happened to me in the past. Sometimes girls have gotten angry with me after I made a light joke about something. I guess that's just the way I am, probably most guys, too. I will just kid around about something and the girl will get very mad at or disappointed in me.

Intending to get a laugh, I would instead get delt the silent treatment, unsure of what I have done wrong or why the girl is mad at me. When I try to bring it up, she will get even angrier at me. This is unfair and frustrating.

#6 Once, this girl who lives across the hall from me was telling me about her ex-boyfriend and I made a comment saying, "oh, I heard of that." She totally

misunderstood me and to this day she has this evil grudge against me, and I was just trying to be there for her like a good neighbor should.

#6 I found at a party once that the girls would take an interest in me on the dancefloor but kept on dogging me after a minute or so and just going off with other guys. I took this as a pretty big #*@! you from them and I did not have the best time that night.

#6 I was running a little late for a date with my lady friend. My tardiness

seemed to be an issue in this relationship. She constantly suggested that she did not mind the lateness as long as I called her to let her know that I was running late. Well, when I did call her to let her know I was running late, she let me have it over the phone, which discouraged me from even showing up.

#6. There hasn't been a time that I have been unfairly treated by any females. The only accounts that I can recall are times when I'm the only male in a group of all females and all of a sudden its bash on the male race. And I'm the only one that can defend the males, while 4 or 5 females just taking out their

aggressions on the male race.

#6. Overall I have not really been treated unfairly by the opposite sex, except if I deserved it. But I have not been treated unfairly just because I'm the opposite sex than they are. Be treated like this only comes into play when you disagree on subjects where both think you are right (but then that really

doesn't have to do with sex differences).

#6. I was treated unfairly by a person of the opposite sex in the financial aid office. The person didn't give me enough grant money for me to attend school.

#6 I believe I am sometimes treated unfairly by my girlfriend when I joke with her. She can often put me down in a joking manner, but sometimes when I do the same she becomes angry with me. I feel this is unfair because we cannot joke with each other equally.

#6 I can not think of a time when I've been treated unfairly by the opposite sex.

#6 Here is a general statement that will pretty much sum up almost EVERY time I have been treated unfairly. I have had girls have certain expectations of me and not bother to mention to me what they expected. I am not a mind reader. I might fail in aspects of a relationship but I am beginning at a disadvantage when I don't a have a clue about what is expected of me.

#6 An intense in which I felt personally treated unfairly by the opposite sex was when I was judged by a girl to be a jerk, and a male chauvinistic pig simply because she had a bad incident with a guy and she assumed all other guys were like him.

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QUESTION #7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened.

#7 In many relationships I've had, my girlfriend will treat me very particularly and peculiarly well when she's horny.

#7 Early on in my friendship with my current girlfriend, she used to treat me very well (she still does) simply because of my gender. She enjoyed our friendship and she wanted to make something more of it. She took me out to lunch on my birthday and paid for my surprise dessert. That was cool.

#7 No.

#7 A girl once brought me some things when I was sick to show me that she

cared. Then four more girl friends came by. But never any of my guy friends.

They'd just call me. Girls go out of their way moreso than guys to show that they care.

#7 A girl once brought me some things when I was sick to show me that she

cared. Then four more girl friends came by. But never any of my guy friends.

They'd just call me. Girls go out of their way moreso than guys to show that they care.

#7 It was my birthday, so my lady friend invited me over to her house. As soon as I got there, she greeted me with balloons and a small cake. She treated me like a king, but in her castle. She prepared a dinner for me, and throughout

the entire night made sure that I was being well taken care of.

#7. There isn't any instance that I can recall where I've been treated

particularly well because I'm a male. However, every time that a girl wants something such as opening something or reaching up to get something because they are too short to reach it etc. they always put on a sweet smile and treat you nice until the task is completed, then they aren't sweet anymore.

#7. I have been treated quite fairly by the opposite sex. It happens most when they're feeling alone mostly and want someone to talk to.

#7. I have been treated well by members of the opposite sex, sexually. What I mean to say is that I don't believe I would have received the same sexual treatment if I had been their same sex. Who knows though!

#7 I felt like I was treated well by the opposite sex when my girlfriend bought us tickets to an indoor football game Even though she was not a fan of football she bought the tickets because she knew I would appreciate it. I was able to admire the fact that she made a sacrifice my enjoyment.

#7 I have been treated particularly well by girls in certain little situations, for instance, when I do not have enough money for something, a female cashier usually let's me slide.

#7 The phrase "simply because of your (or their) gender" makes this difficult to answer. I'm not sure their weren't other factors involved so I'm going to have to decline to answer.

#7 I was treated very well by women when I was in Japan. Japanese men are very rude to Japanese women. Because of this, Japanese women love American men and are very nice to them. This might be an example of race and gender differences.

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QUESTION #8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way?

#8 Personally, I have never been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom I was attracted and not already dating. I either just don't ask them out, or I already know they want me to ask them out.

#8 I remember back in my sophomore year of high school I really liked this one girl and I could tell that she kind of liked me. We had gone out with

friends a couple of times in the past and had also gone to a school dance

together so I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend. She kindly declined,

stating that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and that we hadn't even really gone out on a date yet. I felt somewhat dejected but she agreed to go out with me on a date later that week to see how things went. A couple of months later, we became boyfriend/girlfriend.

#8 I have never taken a real risk such as would put me in a precarious

situation. I have always been careful not to let myself get rejected by the opposite sex.

#8 Sometimes I am shown utter rudeness by women who reject me like in #6.

Other times the ignoring tactic seems to be the favorite. Both of these tactics leave me feeling small. Just coming out and saying, "I'm not interested in you," would be weird and blunt but I think I would also prefer it so that I'm not wasting my time.

#8 Sometimes I am shown utter rudeness by women who reject me like in #6.

#8 I was at a night club, when I noticed this beautiful woman standing across the hall. I looked at her, and pondered on whether I even had a chance with this woman. I mean, she was definitely the breadwinner of horses. I decided to walk up to her and start a conversation, she quickly stopped me even before I said, "Hi." She said, "before you come at me with your bullshit, I'm not

interested." I could not believe what had just happened. She threw my ego on the floor and stabbed it with her heels. I felt like introducing her to "the bird," but I just turned away in search of another possible prospect.

#8. To tell you the truth I've never been rejected before. Probably because

I'm too shy.

#8. They rejected me by just telling me they are already involved with someone else or are just not interested. Every now and again, you get the rude person who just blows you off, but that doesn't seem to happen too often. Usually they are flattered and are sensitive in letting me down.

#8. I have yet to be full crushed by a person of the opposite sex, but the closest was a few years ago before university started. I started dating

this amazing person. It was one of those people, the ones who have the thing. After a few weeks, the person broke it off saying that I was not being enough of my own person to make the relationship interesting. I agreed. I had got so caught up in the idea of being liked by this particular person that I tried to be whatever I thought the person wanted. It was a very fair and honest

treatment. Today we are still very close friends.

#8 I have been rejected as a friend, but I cannot recall a time when I was rejected by someone of the opposite sex. When I was rejected as a friend it was not for anything bad that I did, but it was for just being nice to someone. I believe this rejection related to her gender because her emotions would go up and down at any given time.

#8 I've been rejected by a girl that I had been talking to for a little while. I thought she was a cool girl and she seemed to like me so I tried to ask her to take the relationship to another level and but she did not even let me do it. She took off without even confronting the situation and later hooked up with some guy she had also been seeing. (Believe me, it was for the better.)

#8 I never make the first move. Rejection is not something I'm prepared to deal with so I really don't go out on a limb much.

#8 I have never been rejected in a cruel way by women. I'm not a stud or anything, don't get me wrong. I do not just go up to women and ask them out, I usually let them make the first move. If they make the first move, only I can do the rejecting!!!

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Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again.

How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances:

QUESTION #9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go?

#9 Tell her how I feel.

#9 First off, I would not wish to go far sexually with this girl at all on this night at least if we had had no prior physical intimacy prior to this date. That would be moving too fast on one date. I would probably influence this person to become intimate by trying to hold her hand at some point during the date and giving her a hug when we said goodbye to each other that night. If things were going really well and there had been a good deal of intimacy

throughout this particular night, I might try to go in for a goodnight kiss.

#9 I would invite them to my home or another intimate place and find their

proverbial 'g' spot. I would also say what they want to hear: compliments, how I "feel" about them, and how they make me feel so "great." Then I would

suggest that we take it to the next level.

#9 I myself usually seem to have to initiate the intimacy with a grabbing of the hand or an arm around the waist. Girls always react kindly to this, I've found. Then just make little steps from there going further in the direction

that you want to.

#9 I would begin at stage one which would be plenty of compliments and eye contact. When we were walking side by side, I would make attempts to hold her hand. If she was not interested in holding my hand, I would not even attempt to kiss her. But, if she did hold my hand with ease, I would proceed by making

attempts to kiss her. I would be open with her and let her know that I have been noticing her lips within the past dates and that I felt attracted to her. I would then ask her if she permitted me to touch her lips with mine.

#9. I'd look her up and down, smile, and say "how you doing?" No, but

seriously, I'd place my hand on her cheek gently stroking it, while looking into her eyes and telling her how beautiful she is, and not lying about it, and then I'd slowly kiss her.

#9. To influence this person I would start getting closer to them physically

and possibly change the tone in my voice. I would make hints of that nature and try to "read" them to see how they react. By seeing how they react to my actions can tell you a lot. Then if they decide they don't want to do the same as me, then if they care to we can discuss it.

#9. If a person wants the same thing I want from an encounter, than great. If not, I would not try to influence the person to want something that would be uncomfortable.

#9 I would take it one step at a time. I would not try to rush the other person in any way. Also, I would not try anything that I would feel to jeopardize the relationship.

#9 Honestly, I don't try to influence a girl to do anything she doesn't want to do. Girls know what's up. You start from the beginning and see how far you get.; its really up to her.

#9 The scenario described wouldn't happen to me. I can't relate ergo I can't answer.

#9 If I wanted influence a woman to become more physically intimate after dating her for a month, I would simply ask her how she feels about being physically intimate. Now I know how she feels and we'll move on from there.

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QUESTION #10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual?

#10 Make out with a person of the opposite sex sitting on the other side of me.

#10 I would influence this person to avoid becoming sexual by communicating

with her. I would tell her that I enjoy her company, but that we are perhaps

best suited to be "just friends" and we shouldn't pertake in any sexual

activities.

#10 I would try to keep them out of my "intimate" space and keep the conversation on the colder, platonic level.

#10 In this situation I would not pay attention to the advancements she made. If she didn't get the point then I'd try and be honest with her and let her know how I feel.

#10 I would try to avoid as much physical contact as possible. If she was being very pushy and I felt cornered, I would tell her that I have just come out of a really bad relationship. I would still compliment her, yet I would make attempts at keeping as much space between her and I as possible.

#10. Actually I've gone through some experiences like this and all I did was tell them flat out the truth, that it wasn't going to work out.

#10. If I don't feel physically attracted to someone and they like me, then I make hints by the way I talk and what I talk about. I don't like to lead people on, so I make it seem like they're just another friend.

#10. I say to the person, " I am not interested in physical intimacy".

#10. I would use the best solution possible: communication. If I was in a situation that I did not particularity like, I would speak up for myself, and tell that person.

#10 If even after drinking a forty I am not attracted to the girl I would probably tell her she's a nice girl and all, but, it just isn't happening. Hopefully I wouldn't even have to lie when I tell her I work at five the next morning.

#10 I would be polite and cordial and thank them for going out with me but not ever be in a position to kiss her. The end.

#10 I would tell her that its not working out between us and we should stop dating and try to keep our friendship going. Its simple and to the point.

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SENTENCE COMPLETION

For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it.

QUESTION #11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when...

#11 ...I say "hello" to a pretty girl and the pretty girl say's "hello" back, and it's semi-obvious that this girl is attracted to me.

#11 I talk to a member of the opposite sex.

#11 Women get insanely jealous when I involve other women in my personal

sphere, such as my room, my car, talking on the phone, et cetera.

#11 In general it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become

"insanely" jealous when you hook up with someone besides your girlfriend.

#11 In general it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become

"insanely" jealous when you hook up with someone besides your girlfriend.

#11 another woman makes eye contact with the man she is with.

#11. when your not looking somewhere off in the distance and not at them and they think that you are looking at another girl.

#11. I spend as much time with other friends as I do with them. Not that the opposite sex doesn't want me to have other friends, they just don't like me spending too much time with them.

#11. All people seem to be jealous because of the same thing, insecurity.

#11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become insanely jealous when they feel they have to compete for the male's attention, whether it be another woman, football, video games, guy friends, etc.

#11 Girls get jealous when their boyfriends drop their chins when another girl walks by.

#11 ...they have low self esteem.

#11 ...another girl flirts with me.

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QUESTION #12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex...

#12 ...is always hesitant at first, and then completely bold after moments of consideration (in my experience).

#12 is usually ready for it.

#12 When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time the opposite sex is either overly subtle, or extremely overt.

#12 When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex usually leaves it to me, but I think it is more fun if they do it to me.

#12 is usually game. It happens more often than not, that the woman is in the same wave length when it gets close for either to initiate sex in a relationship.

#12. usually lays back and waits for the guys to initiate sexuality.

However, in today's society girls are a little more aggressive.

#12. Usually wants us to make the first move. Sometimes they make it into a game and play hard to get.

#12 I think that it is awkward for anyone to initiate sexuality, unless in a standard sexual type relationship.

#12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex seems to be placed in a vulnerable position. It seems to be the male's responsibility to be the aggressor in a relationship.

#12 ...the opposite sex prefers intimacy over intercourse.

#12 ...is always going to have to because I'm too scared.

#12 ...tries to drop a million hints and if that does not work they just make a move.

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QUESTION #13. The opposite sex seems clueless about...

#13 ...performing oral sex.

#13 thinking that my gender knows what the opposite gender is thinking and wants. We don't. You need to tell us. Try talking to us in plain English.

Tell us what's wrong. Try not to be so vague.

#13 The opposite sex seems clueless about the true nature of men and what men really want.

#13 The opposite sex seems clueless about why they act the way they do toward each other.

#13 how deceitful and manipulative men can be.

#13. how the male mind works. or how to communicate with males.

#13. How we think about certain subjects and why. They don't understand how we can think a certain way about something just because we're the opposite sex.

#13. Do you mean opposite sex? Or other sex? I don't necessarily think that it is helpful to think of each sex as opposed.

#13. The opposite sex seems to be clueless about what guys intentions are with women. Also, women are often clueless about how guys think with their private parts.

#13 Girls are clueless about hard physical work.

#13 ...the need to be clear and decisive in the expression of one's feelings.

#13 ...men's priorities

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QUESTION #14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex...

#14 ...is very attracted to.

#14. enjoys and would like the relationship to be. The opposite sex feels that romance is very important in relationships.

#14 Being romantic is something that the opposite sex is great at yet has

ultra-high expectations and standards for men, which often seem unconscionable.

#14 Being romantic is somethng that the opposite sex loves and appreciates.

#14 has a misconception about men. I can be a charmer when it comes to

sweeping a woman off her feet. Most women are surprised at my capabilities. I just know what buttons to push.

#14. constantly wants.

#14. Stereotypically enjoys and looks forward to more so than people of my sex.

#14. Being romantic is something that some people are and some people are not. Some others are just kinda. Still others are mostly or somewhat.

#14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex definitely appreciate. Women seem to appreciate the most simply romantic things such as small presents and going out to dinner. Women seem to really appreciate effort on behalf of the male.

#14 ...holds dearly because it adds to the relationship and makes it special.

#14 ...is usually better at than I am but I try.

#14 ...tries to leave up to the guys.

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QUESTION #15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by...

#15 ...creating problems and abnormal confusing situations that I have to attempt to fix.

#15 spending time away from the boyfriend.

#15 Sometimes women put their boyfriend through a series of relationship tests by seeing how far they will take a certain thing like a fight. This "fight"

might be played up in order to see if they will stay together no matter what.

#15 Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boy/girlfriend through a series of relationship tests by asking them to call, by seeing if they

remember dates, and seeing if they constantly want to hang out.

#15 Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boy/girlfriend through a series of relationship tests by asking them to call, by seeing if they

remember dates, and seeing if they constantly want to hang out.

#15 asking indirect questions. For example, a beautiful woman will appear on television and she will ask him, "do you think she is attractive." Let me tell you fellas, don't answer that question. You are entering into a trap. It is alright for a woman to compliment another woman, but if a man compliments

another woman in her presence, he is in big trouble.

#15. asking their partner a hypothetical question, which is really a trick question.

#15. Acting in a particular way to see what type of personality we are and how we will react to it. They also ask us how we think about something and why to test us on how we think.

#15. One example of a relationship test that I have witnessed both sexes using is the baby test. Wherein you get the person to be alone in a room and secretly watch their interaction with the child. Another would be a family or friends test.The person is introduced to friends or family and then watched for interaction abilities.

#15. by asking certain questions and expecting certain answers.

#15 ...by checking his pager, calling his house in the evening to see whether or not he is there, determining whether he calls often enough, and by seeing whether or not he will go out of his way to do something for her.

#15 ...creating no-win situations and analyzing their utter failure.

#15 ...asking strange questions that have no real answer to but will usually result in the boyfriend getting in trouble.

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QUESTION #16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to...

#16 ...a night out with the girls.

#16 a potential wartime draft or selection in the armed forces. Protecting

the country is typically viewed by everyone as a man's job.

#16 The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes uniformly and completely.

#16 The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to going to war, doing the dirtywork, changing tires, paying for stuff.

#16 male gender roles. A man is always expected to fix something when it breaks.

#16. old-fashion dating routines. (guy paying for the date)

#16. Sports and things that involve physical strength.

#16. Both sexes seem to lack in there awareness of male privilage and therefore don not support equality the way the must in order to balance the situation.

#16. job placement and family responsibilities

#16 ... except when it comes to paying for anything.

#16 I have no answer.

#16 ...chivalrous things like opening doors, buying dinner...

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QUESTION #17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex...

#17 ...seems to always do in an intimate relationship, even if they don't

want to. When they don't want to do this, they oddly push their partner away.

#17 enjoys in a relationship. They like when their significant others are possessive of them because it shows desire/love in the relationship.

#17 Possessiveness is something that women are guilty of being.

#17 Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex can be confusing about. Sometimes it seems that your not doing it enough and other times way too much.

#17 displays. A woman will usually go to extents to let other women know that he is her man.

#17. has grasped very well.

#17. Thinks that we have too much of. They think we take almost everything

into our possession that we can.

#17. Both sesxes can be possessive. Women and men are usually more possesive the more insecure they are.

#17. can do to have to cause an unhealthy relationship

#17....defines very unclearly; there is a thin line between , "He will not allow me to do anything without him" and, "He doesn't devote enough of his time to me (i.e. instead it goes to his car, job, sport, etc.)".

#17 ...can't see in their own behavior but see in just about everyone else's.

#17 ...has too much of.

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QUESTION #18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex...

#18 ...doesn't have anything to worry about-65% of the time.

#18 seeks this in a relationship.

#18 When it comes to physical attractiveness, women are extremely beautiful to the point where I am absolutely amazed out of my mind.

#18 When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex says that it is not that important but they lie.

#18 takes the cake. There is something intriguing about the physical setup of a woman.

#18. knows how to make us melt in their hands.

#18. Knows what we look for and know how to show their physical attractiveness.

#18. Some people care more than others about that sort of thing

#18. place less emphasis on looks and more on personality traits.

#18 ... girls have got it going on...baby got back for days, she's got a week on her.

#18 ...places as much importance on it as men do but deny it and condemn it with the cutest hypocrisy.

#18 ... does not put as much

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QUESTION #19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex...

#19 ...sometimes find to be important in a man, but not always.

#19 does not consider a priority.

#19 Money and status are things that women judge men on too heavily, yet are, to me, completely irrelevant in sizing up a woman.

#19 Money and status are things that the opposite sex might be inclined to look for in a mate.

#19 tends to pay too much attention to.

#19. are ambitious about.

#19. Sometimes takes into consideration especially when considering them as a longtime partner. It can help in making them more attracted to them, also. #19. I think that the other sex is very shallow when it comes to the physical relm. Even people of my own sex are very shallow. I find myself

acting in a way that is unbecoming due to money and power too.

#19. does not need to place much emphasis on.

#19 ...understandably looks for in a man.

#19 ...value as much as men do. No more. No less.

#19 ...also puts a lot of emphasis on more than men do

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QUESTION #20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex...

#20 ...rejects you because they don't want you to get hurt by them. (WHAT THE F*?!)

#20 does not share their feelings with me when something is wrong.

#20 It hurts me when women cheat on their partners, because I lose a sense of trust in women as a whole.

#20 It hurts me most when the opposite sex tells you that they don't want to go any further when things seem to be going well.

#20 disregards the fact that I can be just as sensitive and affectionate as women.

#20. takes something the wrong way and then there's a fight.

#20. Compares me to other people and wants me to change how I am and how I think.

#20. I think that the thing that causes me the most pain is the lack of respect for their own bodies that they have. It is also a painful thing that my sex does to the other.

#20. is unfair for no apparent reason.

#20 ...when girls stay with guys that do not treat them right.

#20 ...goes for possessive and dangerous over genuine and sensitive.

#20 ...???

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QUESTION #21. I feel best about the opposite sex when...

#21 ...I'm in love.

#21 they appreciate the thoughtful things that I do for them.

#21 I feel best about the opposite sex when they feel good about me.

#21 I feel best about the opposite sex when we exchange in positive cooperative activities.

1. There have been several interactions with someone of the opposite sex that I have found puzzling. There was one occasion when I invited my lady friend to a personal reflection retreat. She seemed to be having some personal problems

that were way out of her control. I shared with her that I thought it would be a good idea for her to join me at this retreat and that perhaps the retreat

would help her deal with those issues. She seemed to be offended by the fact that someone other than herself was able to identify her shortcomings. She shared with me that she did not understand what was happening to her. I listened to her, then suggested that perhaps the retreat would provide her with some guidance on how to confront her issues. She angrily accused me of seeing her as incompetent of overcoming her issues on her own because she is a woman.

#21 I have just finished making some sweet love.

#21. I'm getting attention from them.

#21. They accept me for how I am and how I am not. I know it's not an easy thing to do, but a leopard doesn't change its spots, so how am I suppose to change who I really am?

#21. I feel good about the other sex all the time. At some specific times I am angry at a member of the other sex but that feeling never generalizes to the whole group. I suspect that if I were to be really wronged by someone of the other sex that I could then generalize the feeling to the whole of that sex.

#21. when we can communicate reasonably.

#21 ...when I sit and think how life would be without them.

#21 ...they place their trust in me.