PSYC 222
HOMEWORK INSTRUCTIONS
Due date: 1 Week from
today (Worth 3 points).
YOUR NAME: _________________________________
Read the attached comments about the opposite sex written by the
females in this class.
Answer the following questions (your answers need not be typed--
you can write on this sheet if you wish). Indicate the page number and area of
the page where the comment can be found (e.g., column 1 or 2; top, middle or
bottom of the column).
You will discuss your reactions in small groups during the next
class session.
Which of the written comments made by the females:
1. ...was written so well
or eloquently, or addressed such a personal issue, that it evoked a sincere
sense empathy in you?
2. ...disturbed and/or
upset you, and why?
3. ...honestly revealed
something about female perceptions, feelings or thoughts that you suspect that
they generally might be very reluctant to admit to if their comments were not
anonymous.
4. ...seemed to be a
particularly good example of one of the robust gender differences predicted by
evolutionary psychology.
5. ...that you found, in
general, surprising and/or particularly interesting.
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WOMEN, SPRING 01
QUESTION #1. Think about the previous interactions you have had
with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite
sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also
think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific
individual involved)? If so, think
about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of
the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling.
#1 Well I am in a long
distance relationship and the first year he always wrote. He would write to tell me he was thinking
about me or how great I was, he did it all the time. And this year, he does not, AT ALL. To make it more confusing he gets mad when I ask him about it, it
is like he does not remember writing me at all last year. I know that it is not that big of a deal,
because I know he loves me, but it is just the small things that matter. He
also says that the reason he does not write is because guys just don't think of
writing and doing things like that (even though he did think of it last
year). I have come to the conclusion
that last year he was afraid of losing me and this year he is more secure in
the relationship and feels that he no longer needs to do it.
#1 When thinking about
puzzling occurrences involving the opposite sex,
dating instantly comes to mind.
One memory that is especially puzzling to me occurred when I was dating
this young man a few years ago. He
specifically
asked me to meet him at the beach at one o'clock in the
afternoon. When I showed up he was
nowhere in sight. He did not appear
until two o'clock. When he finally
appeared he was surrounded by five girls and walked by me without
saying as much as hello. I
could just not understand why he would go through
the trouble of arranging a date if he never intended to keep
it.
#1. I was once dating a
boy who just suddenly stopped talking to me. Things were going great and then
he suddenly stopped calling me. I found
out later that he freaked because I was going away to college and he was
staying at home for college. This
frustrated me because he could have just told me that was how he was feeling
instead of blowing me off. I wondered
why he would want to stop talking to me for that reason alone. I mean if he liked me enough to worry about
me leaving why wouldn't he want to remain friends. I have found this sort of backing off or pulling away to be
characteristic of many younger immature boys.
#1 Most of my experiences with the opposite sex
have been pretty negative.
It seems that whenever I date someone he always has another person
besides me. My ex-boyfriend in high school continuously cheated on me with
these two other girls. Most of my girl
friends have been cheated on as well. I
really don't understand why men feel the need to have multiple options
available to them. Why can't they just be happy with one girl? They tend to keep themselves from getting
really attached to one girl and in the process hurt those they're
involved with. Why can't
they just be honest and satisfied with just one person?
#1 I have never had a
confusing interaction with someone that I would blame on their gender. I would how ever blame it on the individual
but there is no way I could pin point the characteristics that were confusing
to the whole gender, only to the specific individuals due to their individual
situations.
#1 There is one situation
that I can think of right away that happened to me, and to this day still
puzzles me. My boyfriend and I were in
a fight, and I was thinking about breaking up with him. I told him that I needed some time to think,
and that I didn't know what I was going to do about it. I asked him what he was feeling, and he just
didn't say anything. Eventually we
worked it out and I asked him if he realized that I almost broke up with him,
and he said yes. I then asked him if he was going to let me walk away even
though it wasn't what he wanted, and he said yes. I was baffled and asked why he didn't say anything, and he just
said "I don't know, if that's what you wanted to do then I shouldn't have
stopped you from doing it." I
still don't get how he just sat there and didn't say what he was feeling. I think that is true of quite a few guys,
they refuse to talk about what they are feeling so they just let it sit inside
of them.
#1 One of my more
puzzling experiences with the opposite sex involved them "not
calling." I had been asked out on
a date by a guy I had known for years, but only saw on vacations. He asked me out on a date and told me to
meet him at a bar the following day to decide on plans for the date. I met him at the bar, but he seemed to not
be very excited about the date as he had been the night before, when asked what
was going on, he said nothing and that he would call me the next day so we
could pick a time for him to pick me up.
I figured he was lying, and was going to bail out but then when my
sister asked him what he was doing that next night he said taking your sister
out on a date, and started to throw out ideas for what we would do. I never heard from him, as expected. The part I found most puzzling was when I
ran into him recently he actually confronted me and then told me I was supposed
to call him, which was obviously not true.
What I don't understand is why he even asked me out in the first place
and then lied about it, I didn't care that much.
#1 I have a friend
named Chris that I went out with about four and a half years ago. Now we are just really close friends. My
ex-boyfriend was convinced that Chris was out to get me, that he "wanted
me." My ex always claimed that he
was not jealous, but anytime I was around Chris, my ex would come up and put
his arm possessively around me and join the conversation. I don't understand why guys do this.
#1 When a person of
the opposite sex sends me "mixed signals" I get very
confused and frustrated.
It seems that I might interpret their actions as I want to read them,
instead of how they are meant to be understood. This may have to do with the fact that men seem, at times, to
feel that they can "have their cake and eat it too." This, with me,
however, does not work and I take it personally as his insecurity of feelings
for me. I find that men shy from
serious commitment, [sometimes] placing friends and career and fun
over a "serious" relationship.
I admire men who do so because it takes a lot to focus on one thing and
get it done, rather than "stringing" a woman along.
#1 Recently, my
boyfriend and I were on the way to a friend of his house and my boyfriend
insisted on driving until he found it instead of calling his friend and asking
for directions. We were in a different
state and my boyfriend had only been to this friend's house once before. I found this to be very
aggravating and was puzzled over why it was so important to find
this place
without guidance. I have
found that men in general would rather be lost than ask for directions. This really makes no sense to me. It saves far more time and is less
fustrating to ask where something is than to continually look and get angry
because you can't find something. What
a waste of emotion! I wonder if it is a man's pride that gets in the way of
logical reasoning. I don't
understand how men are so logical at other times but when it comes
to simply
asking for directions they become so emotional.
#1 ...puzzling to me
definetly means mixed signals. I
experienced a guy
aacting with me for a particularly long period of time with
actions and feelings which he didn't actually feel. I only found this out after
a sequence of hurtful events that showed his dishonesty. I only wish that I had found out his true
feelings before because they would have helped save some ofmy own. I think it
has a lot to do with guys not wanting to hurt you so they tell you what they
think you would want to hear. What they
don't realize is that telling you things that they don't actual feel hurts you
more in the end than just telling the truth to begin with.
#1 I have always been
friends more with the opposite sex all through high
school. I always found
myself having more in common with the boys than the girls. I had known this guy sense I was about four
years old and we became best friends once we entered high school. When I was
about to leave for college we realized that our feelings had changed and that
we were looking at each other in a different way. The problem was that I was going to be in another state and would
not be close to him so we were going to try and work through it. The relationship lasted for over four years
until he finally went away to school and I found out that he was cheating on me. I couldn't understand how he would
cheat on me and not just break it off considering that we had such
a past
together. We no longer
speak and it is hard to be in the same room together.
The worst part of the situation is that he cheated on me with
someone from my own town and not even a girl that was living in the new place
that he was at. I thought at first
maybe he had just gotten lonely in his new residence and found comfort in
another girl because I wasn't there, but it turned out he was having a long
distance relationship with another girl.
#1. One time a male friend
of mine led me to believe that he and I had some sort of romantic future
together. He'd taken our friendship to
the next level by confessing to me that he cared for me as more than a
friend. Eventually I realized that I
returned his feelings. We still hadn't
officially stated that we were boyfriend/girlfriend, but I kind of assumed that
was where we'd end up. In the middle of
all of this, he went through a very rough time with his family. His younger brother passed away and he was
having a difficult time dealing with it.
He came to me one night telling me that he needed me and my support and
I, in turn, told him that he had it. I
would be there for him no matter what.
He told me that he loved me and he appreciated having me around. I thought that after that he and I would
continue to talk and we would only get closer.
Instead the opposite happened.
He distanced himself from me. He
stopped confiding in me. It confused me completely at the time, especially
since our friendship was never the same.
We don't even talk anymore. I
think a bunch of factors influenced his behavior, but a lot of it stemmed from
the fact that he scared himself. He
opened up far too much that night that he told me he loved me. Maybe he stepped back the next day and
realized that he'd made a mistake.
Maybe he felt too vulnerable.
Maybe he was protecting himself.
I'll probably never truly know.
#1 One thing I find
puzzling and I have experienced it a couple of times, but I have heard others
talked about it consistently, is figuring out why men wait a couple of days to
call or email the opposite sex. I have
heard reasons from the men on why they do such things, but in my opinion it
seems pointless. I mean if they go on a date with someone, why not call the day
after or something. Just a phone call
to see how things are and such. I mean,
for some, it seems that because they went on a date, they don't have to do any
communication till the next date or something.
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QUESTION #2. In general,
what do you like about the opposite sex?
What do you dislike?
#2 I like that guys feel
the need to protect you. I dislike
that often guys just do not listen, sometimes it is like talking to a brick
wall!
#2 In general the
things that I like best about the opposite sex are the
little things that are unique to men. These include the way their cologne
smells, the way they cannot shave for a few days and still look
great. The way they can share intimate
details of their life with you and you know that you are the only one that
shares this information with them. The
things that I dislike about the opposite sex are their mood swings in the sense
that they act one way around their friends and a completely different way when
they are alone with you. They are
totally inconsistent with their moods.
I also hate the way they can completely shut down when they are mad and
not share their feelings with you.
#2. I love the way I feel
protected when I am with a male. I like
the way they smell, and the way they look when they're dressed up. I really like when a man tells you things
that he hasn't told anyone else before.
I like it when a man wants to be held or taken care of. I dislike it when a man becomes very
competitive with other men. I dislike
it when they do not listen or when they fail to recognize hints we give them
about what we want from them. I dislike
it when a man acts without explaining what is wrong (e.g. pushing you away
because they are afraid of commitment).
#2 I like the sense
of security that the opposite sex provides.
They seem protective. They tend
to take charge and make you feel like everything will be taken care of. I'm not saying that I don't like to do
things for myself, but every once in a while it's nice to have that feeling of
security. I also like how men don't
beat around the bush, so to say, when it comes to conversation.
If you ask them a question the will tell you what they think. They
don't try to smooth things over like women do, they can be pretty blunt. Another admirable
quality is their loyalty to their friends. They will always put their friends before
anyone else. If it comes between a girl
and a friend, men usually choose their friends. Some things that bother me
about men are that for one, they don't like to talk about their feelings
openly. They try not to get too
emotional.
Instead of communicating how they feel through words they do it
through actions, which sometimes cannot be that clear. A lot of the time their egos get rather
large. They feel the need to act macho
and tough. This leads to
unnecessary
arguments and fights. Men
find the need to fit the image of being a "pimp".
They think that it's cool to have as many girls as they can and
hook up with them. They'd rather impress their friends that way and hurt people
in the
process.
#2 What I do like about
the opposite sex is that they are very open with their feelings and that they
do let you know how they feel about you verbally and nonverbally. I also like that they are very sensitive
towards other peoples feelings and that they have this built in instinct to
care for others and to try and make everything better when things are
wrong. What I dislike is about the
opposite sex is that they expect people to be able to read their minds, they
will often be quite vague and expect you to know what they want you to do
without directly saying it. Another aspect of the opposite sex that I dislike
is the mood swings that often occur for what at times appears to be for no
reason at all, one wrong word or one wrong action appears to trigger these mood
swings, and the problem is that many times we are not given a chance to explain
ourselves.
#2 In general, I
really like how the male gender has an instinctive need to protect. Whether it be a sister or girlfriend they
always seem to want to make sure that you are being treated right, and taken
care of. I also like how guys seem to
be easier to get along with on a friend level.
I appreciate that they are honest and truthful with you, rather than
saying something just because it may be what you want to hear.
#2 I really like the
way that men seem to be more trusting with secrets.
They don't go running to the nearest guy around and say "you
will not believe
what I just heard."
They seem to be much more faithful about keeping secrets.
My least favorite thing about the men is their lack of intuition,
women don't want a mind reader, but someone to know when they are upset and
when they need them without having to come right out and say it. I wish men were better with intuition about
a woman's feelings.
#2 I love the fact
that they will listen to what you have to say and tell you honestly what their
thoughts and feelings on the matter are.
What I don't like about guys is when they seem to have more times for
their friends then for you.
#2 I like that men can
be direct with their comments and words. Though
tho ughtfulness may
sometimes have to be "pulled" from them, once it is out, it may
possibly be an exciting surprise (or let down). I hate the mind games and lack of emotion men sometimes
show. I feel it's disrespectful to
be
indirect in your comments and actions and wish to be treated with
the same, if not more, respect that I show.
#2 There are several
things that I like about the opposite sex including
their ability to remain calm when under the microscope of their
superior or as one may say to remain unemotional. I admire their ability to
internalize issues when necessary. I
believe that this gives them an edge when working in the business world. I also love their protective nature over
their loved ones and of women in general when a crisis is occurring. Other traits that I find appealing are their
masculinity, their
ability to be direct and say what is on their mind and their
ability to stay focused and not let the small issues plague them. On the other
hand, some of things that I dislike about men is their need to be loyal to
their male friends even when they are wrong, their need to impress their
friends by treating their girlfriend as if she is not that important unless they
are gushing with love, their need for speed in everything for example in racing
cars, hurrying from one place to the next etc.
In addition, I find their frankness sometimes to be insulting. Their
total disregard of people's feelings just to make their point is unnecessary
and hurtful. They can make their point
a little more tackfully.
I also dislike their need to control everything and every
situation. Some
control is fine for the masculine part of their being but some men
carry it too far.
#2 ...In general I
like when guys show feelings which they don't show on a regular basis. For example, telling you how they feel or
springing a special
surprise. I like how guys
are more genuine in their personalities than girls. I like how guys can make
you feel safe and secure when they want to protect you. I do not like when guys
send mixed signals. It is the worst
feeling if you think that you know what they are feeling and it is false. I don't like how they act differently around
their close friends.
#2 When it comes to
the opposite sex I would rather have men as friends than females. I have found that men are better friends and
are more willing to stick up for you.
They are almost like having an older brother to watch over you at all
times. They always tell you the truth
when you are friends with them, maybe not boyfriends, and they don't feel the
need to gossip about you with their
friends. You can never
tell if what you are telling another girl will be taken the wrong way or if
everyone will know your secret the next day.
Another thing is that boys don't feel the need to compete with girls
like we do with
ourselves. More than often girls are dressing for other girls
rather than for the men. We are always
worried about what the other person thinks and not afraid to snub another girl
for the way that she looks. On the
other hand I have found that men are very messy and that sometimes they take
things with too much ease. They are
more inclined to shrug it off and not confront a problem
simply because they don't feel like dealing with the
situation.
#2. I like the opposite
sex's natural need to protect. Although
it may seem sometimes a bit overprotective, I feel more comfortable knowing
that no matter what I do, I have an almost built-in bodyguard if I'm with a
guy. I like it when I'm out with a guy
and he naturally stands as if to protect me when we're in a crowd, or he
reaches out to guide me through a crowd.
I think I feel safer that way, plus it's just comforting to know. I also
like how guys don't usually beat around the bush when you ask for their opinion
on things. They're more
straightforward. If I ask them what they think about a certain item, be it
clothing or whatever, they're more likely than a girl to come right out and
say, "I like it" or "That sucks." I also like how guys are less petty than girls. They don't seem to make the snap judgements
that girls can make based on someone's appearance or the clothes that they're
wearing or the way that they do their hair.
I've always found that I've had more solid friendships with guys than
with girls.
I dislike how guys refuse to open up and show their emotions. I know that society has always taught them
to be tough and maybe even stoic sometimes, but I think if you're sad, be
sad. It's not a sign of weakness if you
cry or if you open up, at least to me it isn't. For me it's almost like playing some sort of guessing game to figure
out what's wrong. However if I ask a
guy what's wrong, more often than not I'll get the answer, "Nothing,"
even though I'm pretty sure it's something.
I also dislike how guys can be so stubborn sometimes. I will offer to help out one of my guy
friends or even my brother, say they need to carry a bunch of things and it
obviously looks like they can't carry everything. I'll offer to help with the load and they'll insist that they can
do it, so I end up watching them struggle up the stairs or wherever they're
going, dropping things along the way. Just the same as when guys refuse to ask
for directions. Instead they'll insist
they know where we're going. Or one of
my guy friends will keep saying, "Oh this looks familiar, this looks
familiar." Nevermind that the last
ten roads that we passed in the past hour looked "familiar" to him,
too. Guys also have issues with their
pride. If another guy beats them at any
type of sport or game, it's OK. They
chalk that up to something that they'll do better at next time. If a girl beats them at a sport or a game or
anything, they freak out. It's a major
blow to their pride. One of my best
friends is a guy and any time that he and I play any type of game, even video
games, it becomes so competitive. I
remember one instance in particular where I kept beating him at every game that
we played. He was determined to
win. What started out as a best two out
of three series turned into something like a seven out of nine series, and we
only stopped there because the video game system froze up on us in the middle
of a game. Otherwise I'm sure he would
have had us keep playing until he was satisfied with the outcome.
#2 What I like about
the opposite sex is there sincerity. In my experience,
I have had guys I hardly knew who would open the door for me or I
have had a boyfriend who wanted me to be happy. What I also like about the opposite sex is there
sensitivity. I have known guys who
carry off either this tough guy
exterior or have been self-centered. And when I had an opportunity
to talk to them without anyone else around, I saw a side of them and would
think, "If they just show this a little more often, they could actually be
liked." What I dislike about the opposite sex is there sense to show off
big time.
There are guys who do this who are self-centered and have huge
egos. There are some guys who show off
the fact they have money or show off the fact they are good looking. Bottom line is they come off as being
shallow and it seems to me that they have no personality.
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QUESTIION #3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most
misunderstands about your own sex?
#3 What we really want is
for someone to love us and to really listen to us, not to take us to fancy,
expensive places.
#3 I believe the
biggest misconception the opposite sex has about my own sex is that we are high
maintenance and materialistic. There
are women who have these qualities, but there are also men who share them as
well.
#3. Men don't understand
that women just want them to listen to them.
#3 Men tend to think
that women will magically know what they are thinking
and respond accordingly.
The truth of it is that women need to hear things and be reminded. We need verbal reassurance. Guys can't just say things one time and
expect us to remember it all the time.
We need to hear what they're
thinking every so often.
We can't guess at how they're feeling, we are unsure. We tend to be more
insecure and we need to have reassurance.
They may think they're being repetitive, but we like to hear things more
than just once.
#3 One thing that they don't seem to fully understand is why we
are so up front and so abrupt in one we have to say. We don't "beat around the bush" as one might say we are
very straightforward; just say what you mean so that nothing gets
confused. Many times this is seen as
being insensitive and not nice. It is
sometimes interpreted as being cruel and not understanding.
#3 I think that they
misunderstand our emotions sometimes. Females have a tendency to overreact to
situations when they are feeling stressed or unhappy.
Guys seem to think that girls overreact just to overreact, but I
don't feel that it's always that way.
Yes, females can let one small thing make their day and attitude
miserable, but it only takes a hug and a little understanding to make it a lot
better.
#3 Men seem to always
think a woman is looking for commitment and her
potential husband. This
may be true about some women but certainly not ALL! Some women just want to
have fun and are not looking for any commitment. I think men tend to over react and freak themselves out thinking
a woman is expecting something from everything they do when a woman could
possibly want less then even they want.
#3 I think that guys
misunderstand that women need and want to be told
things from the people they care about. To us, if you don't express your
feelings then something is wrong.
#3 Men don't realize
how much women need to be assured (i.e. of their looks, talents, achievements,
etc.). It is always nice to have a
compliment and, for the men reading, it might actually get you somewhere! It can never hurt to pay a woman a
compliment.
#3 I think that most men
misunderstand our intentions or what we are trying to say. I don't know if they read into what we say
too much or if it is a focus issue where they only half listen so they only get
half of the story. I find that
frequently the half listening part is the issue. They have focused
their attention away from the conversation and don't really know
what a woman is saying.
#3 ...They think that
we are way too emotional. When they
most likely feel the same emotions but just choose not to share them.
#3 I know that this is
going to sound funny but I think that men really don't understand how much
pressure is put on women to look good.
It is portrayed in the media and everywhere that we go. We are told that we are to be skinny and
dress nicely and to act like a lady, when often times we just want to hang out
like one of the guys. Everything that
we eat has to be watched so that our figures don't explode and everyone is
always watching to see if you have gained weight. Everytime you see people that you haven't seen for a long time
one of the first things that people always say is wow have you lost
weight. We are under extreme pressure
to look as good as all of the females that are represented of us on television
and in the movies.
#3. Guys misunderstand
that although girls may seem like completely different beings from them (i.e.
we dress differently, we freak out over different things, we have different
interests) we're really not all that different from them. We all get up and go to class and work just
like they do. We face similar things that they do. I think sometimes girls get written off just because they're girls. They're supposed to be more fragile and
can't handle things that "tough" guys can. I think I spent a good chunk of my life proving that I could do
exactly what guys could do. I
especially remember being thirteen years old in junior high. I was probably more of a "tomboy"
than a "girl." I didn't care
about makeup or clothes or shopping or anything like that. That has all changed, of course, but back
then all I wanted was to be accepted for me as me. When it came to P.E. I
would naturally get lumped in with the other girls and told to play basketball
or baseball with them. They, of course,
didn't want to and instead would watch the guys play those sports. I, on the other hand, wanted to play, so one
day I pulled my friend out there and we started our own baseball game. Sure we got some looks from the other girls,
but we didn't care. We were playing.
Eventually I noticed that some of the guys from my class would drift towards
our game, until they were playing in the game, too. There was nothing more
satisfying than seeing their faces as I belted the ball over their heads and
rounded the bases. From that moment on
they realized that I wasn't that different from them. I continue to like to surprise guys that I know. Sure, I may be a girl. I may wear makeup and dress up sometimes,
but I do have a brain, and I do use it.
#3 What the opposite
sex misunderstands about my own sex is our wanting to communicate. I am not saying every single guy is like
this, but there are some that are. We
are not psychics to know what's going on in your heads and would like to know why
you are down or why you are so quiet.
In a long term
relationship you tend to know the other person better then others
and if there is an unusual change in behavior, it leads you to wonder what's
wrong. My own sex like to communicate
these problems so hopefully we can help or if your
hiding something that could affect the relationship, we would like
to know so we do not have to sit here and guess what's wrong.
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QUESTION #4. Think about a time when you found yourself
particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you
think attracted you? What was the most
important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance,
personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward
you, etc.?
#4 I am first attracted to
someone with a great smile, warm eyes, someone who can make me laugh. I am usually attracted towards personality
over everything else, looks are wonderful, but they seem to void out when there
is not a good personality to back them up.
#4 When I think about
being extremely attracted to a man I automatically
picture a man who is quite large.
I like men who are tall usually over six feet and strong, but not with
muscles popping out everywhere. More
than their
physical appearance I am attracted to a man that is confident with
himself and does what he does not because everyone else is doing it, but
because he wants to do it. Usually the
men that I am most attracted to are what society has labeled bad boys. I am really attracted to guys who do not
care what is cool or hip and therefore can be scruffy and wear shirts with
holes in them and be completely
confident in doing so. I
think my favorite quality of the guy I have described
above is the way he says that I have been in his thoughts. To me there is not a better compliment than
someone telling you that you have been in their thoughts.
#4. I am most attracted to
men who are mature and not afraid of commitment. This is perhaps one of the biggest turnoffs of a man - lack of
commitment. I am most attracted to a
strong man without huge muscles. Kind
eyes are also very important as well as a love of animals and a sweet nurturing
side. I don't need an extremely smart
man, but I do like an intelligent man.
#4 Right now I have a
boyfriend and there are so many things that attracted
me to him. At first it was
his great sense of humor, smile, laugh, and
attractive looks. I like
men who take care of themselves and dress nicely, a bit preppy. Once I got to know him there were so many
other things that made me realize how wonderful he is. His intelligence and determination in life
is one. He has goals for himself that he's determined to accomplish. He has a direction in his life and that is
very reassuring. He always talks about
loving his mother and sister. His
family is something very important to him that
shows he has a sensitive side and good morals. He has great listening skills. He is the one
always trying to get me to talk to him about things that are bothering me. He
is also caring and confident. Having self-confidence
is very attractive. It says that he
believes in himself and is sure of himself.
That makes me believe in him and be proud of him.
#4 The man who has
held my heart for my entire adult life and some of my
adolescence comes off as very powerful and worldly. The son of a world-renowned
director, he has a go-getter attitude and confidence to complement
it. I must admit that his status is an
attraction. He comes from a family much like my own and so we relate on
deeperlevels as well as having superficial experiences in common. He has
direction and is an achiever much like myself; he sets goals and is very
realistic. For example he lives in New York and I live in Los Angeles,
he has told me that a long distance relationship would ruin what
we could have in the future. This type
of realism is very attractive; I don't want someone
with their head in the clouds. He is smart and due to the fact
that he is four years older than I am it seems to me as if he knows about so
much, yet I know with experience I will gain the same knowledge. Yet it is his ability and capacity that are
attractive to me. The romantic aspect of our relationship is a strong lure, the
intensity of when we are together and the longing of when we aren't make for a
very romantic relationship. I love it when he sends me cute little emails when
I know he is studying because it reassures me that he is thinking about me.
Also when he uses terms of endearment to refer to me makes me know that I am
special to him. He is very thoughtful
and when he makes
allusions about our future together it makes me very happy. The
respect that he treats me with is unparalleled in my past experience, he sees
our relationship
as two separate lives that come together every so often and can be
beautiful
then. Although sometimes I
wish we could act more "together" rather than two very individual
entities that come together, share with each other, and then go their separate
ways.
#4 When I found myself attracted to a member of the opposite sex
had nothing to do with the whole physical attraction, it was actually their
voice that first caught my attention.
Once I turned around to see whom the voice belonged to I saw these eyes
that just swallowed me in. After some conversation
their sense of humor and the rest of their personality immediately captivated
me. This was the most important thing
because it does not matter how physically attractive someone is, if I cannot
carry out a good conversation with someone I could never be attracted to them.
#4 I think that I am
attracted to guys first on their appearance.
I don't
mean that on a superficial level, but appearance tells you a lot
about a person. First, it shows how they choose to take care of themselves, and
the amount of effort that they put into it. Self-confidence is also noticeable
when you first see someone, the way they walk and how they talk to others in
general shows a lot. I guess my feeling
is simply off of physical appearance you can learn a lot about someone BEFORE
even talking to them, and if they have a strong
appearance I become attracted to them.
#4 call me superficial
but I don't think I am alone when I say that physical appearance is the first
thing I notice about men. However, it's
not the most important part in any way, a guy could have a great appearance,
but if he has no self-confidence and seems incredibly insecure it is a huge
turn off. I personally cannot pin point one characteristic of men that makes
him
attractive, it has to be the whole package. However if forced to pick one, it would have
to be self-confidence, if a guy knows that he is a worthwhile guy anddoesn't
seem desperate for attention from just any girl, it intrigues me.
#4 The physical
characteristics that I find most appealing are a guy's eyes and his teeth (they
must be straight). But a guy's
confidence and a sense of humor are just as important as physical
attractiveness in attracting me.
#4 I honestly am
attracted to a guy first by his looks. That is, however, the first impression
they make. Secondly, I take into
consideration how comfortable
he is with himself and me for that matter! I would never be into a man who didn't seem
driven and career oriented with some direction and challenging
aspirations. A lot can be
told by looking into a man's eyes, noticing his smile, and holding his
hand.
#4 I found myself
particularly attracted to a man by his physical appearance,
his stature(height), his self-confidence, his masculinity and his
big smile
towards me. I think that
the most important thing that attracted me to him was the way he carried
himself. His masculinity and confidence
showed through.
#4 ...In a situation
where you have never met the person before physical
attractiveness would be first thing to draw you in. However I think that
personality traits and how they act around people and towards you
on first
meeting can be the most attractive thing about someone.
#4 I was most
attracted to the guy that was my best friend for over six years and the funny
thing is that I have found with the new man that I am dating they have many of
the same traits. For me I need a guy to be outgoing and an
athlete. I am always
wanting to do some physical activity and if you can't keep up with me there is
no way that I will want to be around them.
The second thing that I look for in a man is that he has to have a sense
of humor. I think that this is one of
the most important things that a man should have. If you are going to be spending a lot of time with someone you
need to be with someone that is going to make you laugh. It is a must. Loyalty is always important to find n someone. When looking at it I think that it is
important to be attracted to a person of the opposite sex but it is their personality
that I would fall in love with and not their physical appearance, although they
have to take care of themselves and care how they present themselves. After all
if I am going to take the time to look good for them they should do the same
for me.
#4. I would be lying if I
didn't say that it was a guy's looks that attracted me initially. People can say that looks don't matter, but
in our society they do. You can't
really help but notice that someone is good looking. I've found that looks don't always keep me attracted to that
person though. In the end it's
definitely a person's personality that keeps me attracted to them. There is one person in particular who stands
out in my mind. When I first met him I
didn't really think much of him. He wasn't one of those guys that you look at
and say, "Wow, he's fine" or "Wow, he's gorgeous." He was pretty ordinary, not bad- looking or
anything. Decent. He seemed pretty nice, too, friendly and
extremely outgoing. I tend to shy away
when I meet new people, at least until I get to know them, so he kind of put me
off. I didn't think much of him until
he started appearing in my life more and more.
I'd see him almost every day and at first I stayed away from him and
didn't talk to him, but gradually we started talking. I got to know him. I
found out that we had things in common.
We had similiar majors. We grew
up in the same area. We watched the
same TV shows. From there we built a
friendship. It was through that
friendship that I saw the qualities that I found attractive in him. He was courteous. We'd go out and he'd hold
open doors for me. He was funny. Like most guys, he hated to see any girl
cry, so when I cried in front of him, he tried to keep from freaking out and
instead tried everything he could to make me laugh. He was honest. He spoke
his mind about things that bothered him.
He was intelligent. I'd always known that he was smart. He and I could hold up lengthy discussions
about almost anything. It usually
revolved around TV shows or movies or music.
I remember one day I mentioned a literature class that I'd taken in high
school. I mentioned a couple of the
authors that I'd read works of, Jane Austen and William Faulkner and some
others. He caught me by surprise when
his face lit up at the very mention of Faulkner's name. He told me that he loved Faulkner and he'd
taken an entire course on just Faulkner in high school. We chattered on and on about literature and
authors and I found myself with a whole new respect for him. It was like I saw a whole other side of him
that I never knew was there before, and I liked it. I liked the way that he carried himself. He didn't care what other people thought of
him. He interacted well with other
people, even my parents loved him. As
time went on I found myself more and more attracted to him. Suddenly, since I'd come to love all of the
different parts of his personality, I found myself realizing that he was an
attractive person on the outside, too.
I noticed that he was a "cute" guy. He was tall and had nice eyes.
He dressed well. He wasn't a
slob. For me, it was one of the first
times that I was attracted to a guy's personality before his looks. I'd had
just about everything that I'd looked for in a guy right in front of me all along.
#4 The characteristics
that I was mostly attracted to a particular opposite
sex was their personality.
When you like someone a little more then others do, you see something
deeper in that person. I was attracted
to the sensitivity
this person had. I was
also attracted to his sense of humor because I am a person who loves to
laugh. On a physical level, I was
attracted the person's
eyes because they were just gorgeous. The biggest thing that was very appealing was the fact that I
understood where this person was getting at.
For example, I understood why this person acted they way he did on
certain situations and such because I would do the same. In other words, the similarities we had
attracted
me to this person a great deal.
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QUESTION #5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and
weaknesses of the opposite sex?
#5 Strengths: Strong, Protective, can make me laugh when I
am down Weaknesses: Feign attention, avoid the real issue,
change subject, controlling
#5 The strengths of
the male sex defiantly lie in their sex appeal and the way they can make you
feel like you are the greatest person in the world. Their weaknesses are how they can go from being incredibly loving
to incredibly cold within a matter of minutes, and they way they change their
whole personalities
when they are around their friends.
#5. Men are often very
caring of their girlfriends, wives, sisters, mothers, etc. They do not gossip
as much as women and are not as vindictive of other men. Men may not be able to express emotions
well; however, they are better then women at letting us know that they are
angry. Men will say that they are angry
whereas women tend to just be mad and say "nothings wrong".
#5 Strengths of men
are that they are confident, strong, protective, assertive, intelligent and
determined. There is a quality about
men that only they can provide and no other woman can. There is just a feeling about them that you
get when you're with them. It's very
comforting. Some of their
weaknesses are that they have trouble expressing their feelings,
they lie and cheat, they have big egos, they need to be the best and they can
be stubborn. Sometimes it can be hard
to get through to them and they can be a little thick headed. They don't like to be wrong and it's hard
for them to listen to a female.
#5 One of the weaknesses of the opposite sex is their inability to
be straight forward and just say it how they see it, this is also seen in how
they refuse to say something mean to someone's face but they will be more then
ready to talk about them behind their backs.
One of their other weaknesses that can also be strength is that they
feel comfortable expressing their emotions. Their emotions have a tendency to
get the better of them and appear to take them to the extreme at times. One of their greatest strengths is the built
in motherly instinct that consists of being protective and caring, especially
of their children.