PSYC 222 

 

HOMEWORK INSTRUCTIONS 

 

Due date:  1 Week from today (Worth 3 points). 

 

 

 

YOUR NAME: _________________________________ 

 

Read the attached comments about the opposite sex written by the females in this class. 

 

Answer the following questions (your answers need not be typed-- you can write on this sheet if you wish). Indicate the page number and area of the page where the comment can be found (e.g., column 1 or 2; top, middle or bottom of the column). 

 

You will discuss your reactions in small groups during the next class session. 

 

Which of the written comments made by the females: 

 

 

 

1.  ...was written so well or eloquently, or addressed such a personal issue, that it evoked a sincere sense empathy in you? 

 

 

 

2.  ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why? 

 

 

 

3.  ...honestly revealed something about female perceptions, feelings or thoughts that you suspect that they generally might be very reluctant to admit to if their comments were not anonymous. 

 

 

 

4.  ...seemed to be a particularly good example of one of the robust gender differences predicted by evolutionary psychology. 

 

 

 

5.  ...that you found, in general, surprising and/or particularly interesting. 

 

 

 

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WOMEN, SPRING 01 

 

 

 

 

 

QUESTION #1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)?  If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling. 

 

 

 

#1  Well I am in a long distance relationship and the first year he always wrote.  He would write to tell me he was thinking about me or how great I was, he did it all the time.  And this year, he does not, AT ALL.  To make it more confusing he gets mad when I ask him about it, it is like he does not remember writing me at all last year.  I know that it is not that big of a deal, because I know he loves me, but it is just the small things that matter. He also says that the reason he does not write is because guys just don't think of writing and doing things like that (even though he did think of it last year).  I have come to the conclusion that last year he was afraid of losing me and this year he is more secure in the relationship and feels that he no longer needs to do it. 

 

#1      When thinking about puzzling occurrences involving the opposite sex, 

 

dating instantly comes to mind.  One memory that is especially puzzling to me occurred when I was dating this young man a few years ago.  He specifically 

asked me to meet him at the beach at one o'clock in the afternoon.  When I showed up he was nowhere in sight.  He did not appear until two o'clock.  When he finally appeared he was surrounded by five girls and walked by me without 

saying as much as hello.  I could just not understand why he would go through 

the trouble of arranging a date if he never intended to keep it. 

 

#1.  I was once dating a boy who just suddenly stopped talking to me. Things were going great and then he suddenly stopped calling me.  I found out later that he freaked because I was going away to college and he was staying at home for college.  This frustrated me because he could have just told me that was how he was feeling instead of blowing me off.  I wondered why he would want to stop talking to me for that reason alone.  I mean if he liked me enough to worry about me leaving why wouldn't he want to remain friends.  I have found this sort of backing off or pulling away to be characteristic of many younger immature boys. 

 

#1      Most of my experiences with the opposite sex have been pretty negative. 

It seems that whenever I date someone he always has another person besides me. My ex-boyfriend in high school continuously cheated on me with these two other girls.  Most of my girl friends have been cheated on as well.  I really don't understand why men feel the need to have multiple options available to them. Why can't they just be happy with one girl?  They tend to keep themselves from getting really attached to one girl and in the process hurt those they're 

 

involved with.  Why can't they just be honest and satisfied with just one person? 

 

 

 

#1  I have never had a confusing interaction with someone that I would blame on their gender.  I would how ever blame it on the individual but there is no way I could pin point the characteristics that were confusing to the whole gender, only to the specific individuals due to their individual situations. 

 

#1  There is one situation that I can think of right away that happened to me, and to this day still puzzles me.  My boyfriend and I were in a fight, and I was thinking about breaking up with him.  I told him that I needed some time to think, and that I didn't know what I was going to do about it.  I asked him what he was feeling, and he just didn't say anything.  Eventually we worked it out and I asked him if he realized that I almost broke up with him, and he said yes. I then asked him if he was going to let me walk away even though it wasn't what he wanted, and he said yes.  I was baffled and asked why he didn't say anything, and he just said "I don't know, if that's what you wanted to do then I shouldn't have stopped you from doing it."  I still don't get how he just sat there and didn't say what he was feeling.  I think that is true of quite a few guys, they refuse to talk about what they are feeling so they just let it sit inside of them. 

 

#1      One of my more puzzling experiences with the opposite sex involved them "not calling."  I had been asked out on a date by a guy I had known for years, but only saw on vacations.  He asked me out on a date and told me to meet him at a bar the following day to decide on plans for the date.  I met him at the bar, but he seemed to not be very excited about the date as he had been the night before, when asked what was going on, he said nothing and that he would call me the next day so we could pick a time for him to pick me up.  I figured he was lying, and was going to bail out but then when my sister asked him what he was doing that next night he said taking your sister out on a date, and started to throw out ideas for what we would do.  I never heard from him, as expected.  The part I found most puzzling was when I ran into him recently he actually confronted me and then told me I was supposed to call him, which was obviously not true.  What I don't understand is why he even asked me out in the first place and then lied about it, I didn't care that much. 

 

#1        I have a friend named Chris that I went out with about four and a half years ago.  Now we are just really close friends. My ex-boyfriend was convinced that Chris was out to get me, that he "wanted me."  My ex always claimed that he was not jealous, but anytime I was around Chris, my ex would come up and put his arm possessively around me and join the conversation.  I don't understand why guys do this. 

 

#1      When a person of the opposite sex sends me "mixed signals" I get very 

confused and frustrated.  It seems that I might interpret their actions as I want to read them, instead of how they are meant to be understood.  This may have to do with the fact that men seem, at times, to feel that they can "have their cake and eat it too." This, with me, however, does not work and I take it personally as his insecurity of feelings for me.  I find that men shy from 

serious commitment, [sometimes] placing friends and career and fun over a "serious" relationship.  I admire men who do so because it takes a lot to focus on one thing and get it done, rather than "stringing" a woman along. 

 

#1      Recently, my boyfriend and I were on the way to a friend of his house and my boyfriend insisted on driving until he found it instead of calling his friend and asking for directions.  We were in a different state and my boyfriend had only been to this friend's house once before.  I found this to be very 

aggravating and was puzzled over why it was so important to find this place 

without guidance.  I have found that men in general would rather be lost than ask for directions.  This really makes no sense to me.  It saves far more time and is less fustrating to ask where something is than to continually look and get angry because you can't find something.  What a waste of emotion! I wonder if it is a man's pride that gets in the way of logical reasoning. I don't 

understand how men are so logical at other times but when it comes to simply 

asking for directions they become so emotional. 

 

#1  ...puzzling to me definetly means mixed signals.  I experienced a guy 

aacting with me for a particularly long period of time with actions and feelings which he didn't actually feel. I only found this out after a sequence of hurtful events that showed his dishonesty.  I only wish that I had found out his true feelings before because they would have helped save some ofmy own. I think it has a lot to do with guys not wanting to hurt you so they tell you what they think you would want to hear.  What they don't realize is that telling you things that they don't actual feel hurts you more in the end than just telling the truth to begin with. 

 

#1      I have always been friends more with the opposite sex all through high 

 

school.  I always found myself having more in common with the boys than the girls.  I had known this guy sense I was about four years old and we became best friends once we entered high school. When I was about to leave for college we realized that our feelings had changed and that we were looking at each other in a different way.  The problem was that I was going to be in another state and would not be close to him so we were going to try and work through it.  The relationship lasted for over four years until he finally went away to school and I found out that he was cheating on me.  I couldn't understand how he would 

 

cheat on me and not just break it off considering that we had such a past 

 

together.  We no longer speak and it is hard to be in the same room together. 

 

The worst part of the situation is that he cheated on me with someone from my own town and not even a girl that was living in the new place that he was at.  I thought at first maybe he had just gotten lonely in his new residence and found comfort in another girl because I wasn't there, but it turned out he was having a long distance relationship with another girl. 

 

#1.  One time a male friend of mine led me to believe that he and I had some sort of romantic future together.  He'd taken our friendship to the next level by confessing to me that he cared for me as more than a friend.  Eventually I realized that I returned his feelings.  We still hadn't officially stated that we were boyfriend/girlfriend, but I kind of assumed that was where we'd end up.  In the middle of all of this, he went through a very rough time with his family.  His younger brother passed away and he was having a difficult time dealing with it.  He came to me one night telling me that he needed me and my support and I, in turn, told him that he had it.  I would be there for him no matter what.  He told me that he loved me and he appreciated having me around.  I thought that after that he and I would continue to talk and we would only get closer.  Instead the opposite happened.  He distanced himself from me.  He stopped confiding in me. It confused me completely at the time, especially since our friendship was never the same.  We don't even talk anymore.  I think a bunch of factors influenced his behavior, but a lot of it stemmed from the fact that he scared himself.  He opened up far too much that night that he told me he loved me.  Maybe he stepped back the next day and realized that he'd made a mistake.  Maybe he felt too vulnerable.  Maybe he was protecting himself.  I'll probably never truly know. 

 

 

 

#1      One thing I find puzzling and I have experienced it a couple of times, but I have heard others talked about it consistently, is figuring out why men wait a couple of days to call or email the opposite sex.  I have heard reasons from the men on why they do such things, but in my opinion it seems pointless. I mean if they go on a date with someone, why not call the day after or something.  Just a phone call to see how things are and such.  I mean, for some, it seems that because they went on a date, they don't have to do any communication till the next date or something. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #2.  In general, what do you like about the opposite sex?  What do you dislike? 

 

 

 

#2  I like that guys feel the need to protect you.    I dislike that often guys just do not listen, sometimes it is like talking to a brick wall! 

 

 

 

#2      In general the things that I like best about the opposite sex are the 

 

little things that are unique to men.  These include the way their cologne 

 

smells, the way they cannot shave for a few days and still look great.  The way they can share intimate details of their life with you and you know that you are the only one that shares this information with them.  The things that I dislike about the opposite sex are their mood swings in the sense that they act one way around their friends and a completely different way when they are alone with you.  They are totally inconsistent with their moods.  I also hate the way they can completely shut down when they are mad and not share their feelings with you. 

 

#2.  I love the way I feel protected when I am with a male.  I like the way they smell, and the way they look when they're dressed up.  I really like when a man tells you things that he hasn't told anyone else before.  I like it when a man wants to be held or taken care of.          I dislike it when a man becomes very competitive with other men.  I dislike it when they do not listen or when they fail to recognize hints we give them about what we want from them.  I dislike it when a man acts without explaining what is wrong (e.g. pushing you away because they are afraid of commitment). 

 

#2       I like the sense of security that the opposite sex provides.  They seem protective.  They tend to take charge and make you feel like everything will be taken care of.  I'm not saying that I don't like to do things for myself, but every once in a while it's nice to have that feeling of security.  I also like how men don't beat around the bush, so to say, when it comes to conversation. 

 

If you ask them a question the will tell you what they think. They don't try to smooth things over like women do, they can be pretty blunt.  Another admirable 

 

quality is their loyalty to their friends.  They will always put their friends before anyone else.  If it comes between a girl and a friend, men usually choose their friends. Some things that bother me about men are that for one, they don't like to talk about their feelings openly.  They try not to get too emotional. 

 

Instead of communicating how they feel through words they do it through actions, which sometimes cannot be that clear.  A lot of the time their egos get rather large.  They feel the need to act macho and tough.  This leads to unnecessary 

 

arguments and fights.  Men find the need to fit the image of being a "pimp". 

 

They think that it's cool to have as many girls as they can and hook up with them. They'd rather impress their friends that way and hurt people in the 

 

process. 

 

 

 

 

 

#2  What I do like about the opposite sex is that they are very open with their feelings and that they do let you know how they feel about you verbally and nonverbally.  I also like that they are very sensitive towards other peoples feelings and that they have this built in instinct to care for others and to try and make everything better when things are wrong.  What I dislike is about the opposite sex is that they expect people to be able to read their minds, they will often be quite vague and expect you to know what they want you to do without directly saying it. Another aspect of the opposite sex that I dislike is the mood swings that often occur for what at times appears to be for no reason at all, one wrong word or one wrong action appears to trigger these mood swings, and the problem is that many times we are not given a chance to explain ourselves. 

 

#2      In general, I really like how the male gender has an instinctive need to protect.  Whether it be a sister or girlfriend they always seem to want to make sure that you are being treated right, and taken care of.  I also like how guys seem to be easier to get along with on a friend level.  I appreciate that they are honest and truthful with you, rather than saying something just because it may be what you want to hear. 

 

#2      I really like the way that men seem to be more trusting with secrets. 

 

They don't go running to the nearest guy around and say "you will not believe 

 

what I just heard."  They seem to be much more faithful about keeping secrets. 

 

My least favorite thing about the men is their lack of intuition, women don't want a mind reader, but someone to know when they are upset and when they need them without having to come right out and say it.  I wish men were better with intuition about a woman's feelings. 

 

#2        I love the fact that they will listen to what you have to say and tell you honestly what their thoughts and feelings on the matter are.  What I don't like about guys is when they seem to have more times for their friends then for you. 

 

#2      I like that men can be direct with their comments and words. Though 

 

tho     ughtfulness may sometimes have to be "pulled" from them, once it is out, it may possibly be an exciting surprise (or let down).  I hate the mind games and lack of emotion men sometimes show.  I feel it's disrespectful to be 

 

indirect in your comments and actions and wish to be treated with the same, if not more, respect that I show. 

 

#2    There are several things that I like about the opposite sex including 

 

their ability to remain calm when under the microscope of their superior or as one may say to remain unemotional. I admire their ability to internalize issues when necessary.  I believe that this gives them an edge when working in the business world.  I also love their protective nature over their loved ones and of women in general when a crisis is occurring.  Other traits that I find appealing are their masculinity, their 

 

ability to be direct and say what is on their mind and their ability to stay focused and not let the small issues plague them. On the other hand, some of things that I dislike about men is their need to be loyal to their male friends even when they are wrong, their need to impress their friends by treating their girlfriend as if she is not that important unless they are gushing with love, their need for speed in everything for example in racing cars, hurrying from one place to the next etc.  In addition, I find their frankness sometimes to be insulting. Their total disregard of people's feelings just to make their point is unnecessary and hurtful.  They can make their point a little more tackfully. 

 

I also dislike their need to control everything and every situation.  Some 

 

control is fine for the masculine part of their being but some men carry it too far. 

 

#2      ...In general I like when guys show feelings which they don't show on a regular basis.  For example, telling you how they feel or springing a special 

 

surprise.  I like how guys are more genuine in their personalities than girls. I like how guys can make you feel safe and secure when they want to protect you. I do not like when guys send mixed signals.  It is the worst feeling if you think that you know what they are feeling and it is false.  I don't like how they act differently around their close friends. 

 

#2      When it comes to the opposite sex I would rather have men as friends than females.  I have found that men are better friends and are more willing to stick up for you.  They are almost like having an older brother to watch over you at all times.  They always tell you the truth when you are friends with them, maybe not boyfriends, and they don't feel the need to gossip about you with their 

 

friends.  You can never tell if what you are telling another girl will be taken the wrong way or if everyone will know your secret the next day.  Another thing is that boys don't feel the need to compete with girls like we do with 

 

ourselves. More than often girls are dressing for other girls rather than for the men.  We are always worried about what the other person thinks and not afraid to snub another girl for the way that she looks.  On the other hand I have found that men are very messy and that sometimes they take things with too much ease.  They are more inclined to shrug it off and not confront a problem 

 

simply because they don't feel like dealing with the situation. 

 

#2.  I like the opposite sex's natural need to protect.  Although it may seem sometimes a bit overprotective, I feel more comfortable knowing that no matter what I do, I have an almost built-in bodyguard if I'm with a guy.  I like it when I'm out with a guy and he naturally stands as if to protect me when we're in a crowd, or he reaches out to guide me through a crowd.  I think I feel safer that way, plus it's just comforting to know. I also like how guys don't usually beat around the bush when you ask for their opinion on things.  They're more straightforward. If I ask them what they think about a certain item, be it clothing or whatever, they're more likely than a girl to come right out and say, "I like it" or "That sucks."   I also like how guys are less petty than girls.  They don't seem to make the snap judgements that girls can make based on someone's appearance or the clothes that they're wearing or the way that they do their hair.  I've always found that I've had more solid friendships with guys than with girls. 

 

I dislike how guys refuse to open up and show their emotions.  I know that society has always taught them to be tough and maybe even stoic sometimes, but I think if you're sad, be sad.  It's not a sign of weakness if you cry or if you open up, at least to me it isn't.  For me it's almost like playing some sort of guessing game to figure out what's wrong.  However if I ask a guy what's wrong, more often than not I'll get the answer, "Nothing," even though I'm pretty sure it's something.  I also dislike how guys can be so stubborn sometimes.  I will offer to help out one of my guy friends or even my brother, say they need to carry a bunch of things and it obviously looks like they can't carry everything.  I'll offer to help with the load and they'll insist that they can do it, so I end up watching them struggle up the stairs or wherever they're going, dropping things along the way. Just the same as when guys refuse to ask for directions.  Instead they'll insist they know where we're going.  Or one of my guy friends will keep saying, "Oh this looks familiar, this looks familiar."  Nevermind that the last ten roads that we passed in the past hour looked "familiar" to him, too.  Guys also have issues with their pride.  If another guy beats them at any type of sport or game, it's OK.  They chalk that up to something that they'll do better at next time.  If a girl beats them at a sport or a game or anything, they freak out.  It's a major blow to their pride.  One of my best friends is a guy and any time that he and I play any type of game, even video games, it becomes so competitive.  I remember one instance in particular where I kept beating him at every game that we played.  He was determined to win.  What started out as a best two out of three series turned into something like a seven out of nine series, and we only stopped there because the video game system froze up on us in the middle of a game.  Otherwise I'm sure he would have had us keep playing until he was satisfied with the outcome. 

 

 

 

#2      What I like about the opposite sex is there sincerity. In my experience, 

 

I have had guys I hardly knew who would open the door for me or I have had a boyfriend who wanted me to be happy.  What I also like about the opposite sex is there sensitivity.  I have known guys who carry off either this tough guy 

 

exterior or have been self-centered. And when I had an opportunity to talk to them without anyone else around, I saw a side of them and would think, "If they just show this a little more often, they could actually be liked." What I dislike about the opposite sex is there sense to show off big time. 

 

There are guys who do this who are self-centered and have huge egos.  There are some guys who show off the fact they have money or show off the fact they are good looking.  Bottom line is they come off as being shallow and it seems to me that they have no personality. 

 

 

 

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QUESTIION #3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex? 

 

 

 

#3  What we really want is for someone to love us and to really listen to us, not to take us to fancy, expensive places. 

 

#3      I believe the biggest misconception the opposite sex has about my own sex is that we are high maintenance and materialistic.  There are women who have these qualities, but there are also men who share them as well. 

 

#3.  Men don't understand that women just want them to listen to them. 

 

 

 

#3       Men tend to think that women will magically know what they are thinking 

 

and respond accordingly.  The truth of it is that women need to hear things and be reminded.  We need verbal reassurance.  Guys can't just say things one time and expect us to remember it all the time.  We need to hear what they're 

 

thinking every so often.  We can't guess at how they're feeling, we are unsure. We tend to be more insecure and we need to have reassurance.  They may think they're being repetitive, but we like to hear things more than just once. 

 

 

 

#3 One thing that they don't seem to fully understand is why we are so up front and so abrupt in one we have to say.  We don't "beat around the bush" as one might say we are very straightforward; just say what you mean so that nothing gets confused.  Many times this is seen as being insensitive and not nice.  It is sometimes interpreted as being cruel and not understanding. 

 

#3      I think that they misunderstand our emotions sometimes. Females have a tendency to overreact to situations when they are feeling stressed or unhappy. 

 

Guys seem to think that girls overreact just to overreact, but I don't feel that it's always that way.  Yes, females can let one small thing make their day and attitude miserable, but it only takes a hug and a little understanding to make it a lot better. 

 

#3       Men seem to always think a woman is looking for commitment and her 

 

potential husband.  This may be true about some women but certainly not ALL! Some women just want to have fun and are not looking for any commitment.  I think men tend to over react and freak themselves out thinking a woman is expecting something from everything they do when a woman could possibly want less then even they want. 

 

#3       I think that guys misunderstand that women need and want to be told 

 

things from the people they care about.  To us, if you don't express your 

 

feelings then something is wrong. 

 

#3       Men don't realize how much women need to be assured (i.e. of their looks, talents, achievements, etc.).  It is always nice to have a compliment and, for the men reading, it might actually get you somewhere!  It can never hurt to pay a woman a compliment. 

 

#3   I think that most men misunderstand our intentions or what we are trying to say.    I don't know if they read into what we say too much or if it is a focus issue where they only half listen so they only get half of the story.  I find that frequently the half listening part is the issue.  They have focused 

 

their attention away from the conversation and don't really know what a woman is saying. 

 

#3      ...They think that we are way too emotional.  When they most likely feel the same emotions but just choose not to share them. 

 

#3      I know that this is going to sound funny but I think that men really don't understand how much pressure is put on women to look good.  It is portrayed in the media and everywhere that we go.  We are told that we are to be skinny and dress nicely and to act like a lady, when often times we just want to hang out like one of the guys.  Everything that we eat has to be watched so that our figures don't explode and everyone is always watching to see if you have gained weight.  Everytime you see people that you haven't seen for a long time one of the first things that people always say is wow have you lost weight.  We are under extreme pressure to look as good as all of the females that are represented of us on television and in the movies. 

 

#3.  Guys misunderstand that although girls may seem like completely different beings from them (i.e. we dress differently, we freak out over different things, we have different interests) we're really not all that different from them.  We all get up and go to class and work just like they do. We face similar things that they do.  I think sometimes girls get written off just because they're girls.  They're supposed to be more fragile and can't handle things that "tough" guys can.  I think I spent a good chunk of my life proving that I could do exactly what guys could do.  I especially remember being thirteen years old in junior high.  I was probably more of a "tomboy" than a "girl."  I didn't care about makeup or clothes or shopping or anything like that.  That has all changed, of course, but back then all I wanted was to be accepted for me as me.  When it came to P.E.  I would naturally get lumped in with the other girls and told to play basketball or baseball with them.  They, of course, didn't want to and instead would watch the guys play those sports.  I, on the other hand, wanted to play, so one day I pulled my friend out there and we started our own baseball game.  Sure we got some looks from the other girls, but we didn't care.  We were playing. Eventually I noticed that some of the guys from my class would drift towards our game, until they were playing in the game, too. There was nothing more satisfying than seeing their faces as I belted the ball over their heads and rounded the bases.  From that moment on they realized that I wasn't that different from them.  I continue to like to surprise guys that I know.  Sure, I may be a girl.  I may wear makeup and dress up sometimes, but I do have a brain, and I do use it. 

 

 

 

#3      What the opposite sex misunderstands about my own sex is our wanting to communicate.  I am not saying every single guy is like this, but there are some that are.  We are not psychics to know what's going on in your heads and would like to know why you are down or why you are so quiet.  In a long term 

relationship you tend to know the other person better then others and if there is an unusual change in behavior, it leads you to wonder what's wrong.  My own sex like to communicate these problems so hopefully we can help or if your 

hiding something that could affect the relationship, we would like to know so we do not have to sit here and guess what's wrong. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex.   What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you?   What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.? 

 

 

 

#4  I am first attracted to someone with a great smile, warm eyes, someone who can make me laugh.  I am usually attracted towards personality over everything else, looks are wonderful, but they seem to void out when there is not a good personality to back them up. 

 

#4      When I think about being extremely attracted to a man I automatically 

 

picture a man who is quite large.  I like men who are tall usually over six feet and strong, but not with muscles popping out everywhere.  More than their 

 

physical appearance I am attracted to a man that is confident with himself and does what he does not because everyone else is doing it, but because he wants to do it.  Usually the men that I am most attracted to are what society has labeled bad boys.  I am really attracted to guys who do not care what is cool or hip and therefore can be scruffy and wear shirts with holes in them and be completely 

 

confident in doing so.  I think my favorite quality of the guy I have described 

 

above is the way he says that I have been in his thoughts.  To me there is not a better compliment than someone telling you that you have been in their thoughts. 

 

#4.  I am most attracted to men who are mature and not afraid of commitment.  This is perhaps one of the biggest turnoffs of a man - lack of commitment.  I am most attracted to a strong man without huge muscles.  Kind eyes are also very important as well as a love of animals and a sweet nurturing side.  I don't need an extremely smart man, but I do like an intelligent man. 

 

#4      Right now I have a boyfriend and there are so many things that attracted 

 

me to him.  At first it was his great sense of humor, smile, laugh, and 

 

attractive looks.  I like men who take care of themselves and dress nicely, a bit preppy.  Once I got to know him there were so many other things that made me realize how wonderful he is.  His intelligence and determination in life is one. He has goals for himself that he's determined to accomplish.  He has a direction in his life and that is very reassuring.  He always talks about loving his mother and sister.  His family is something very important to him that 

 

shows he has a sensitive side and good morals.  He has great listening skills. He is the one always trying to get me to talk to him about things that are bothering me. He is also caring and confident.  Having self-confidence is very attractive.  It says that he believes in himself and is sure of himself.  That makes me believe in him and be proud of him. 

 

#4      The man who has held my heart for my entire adult life and some of my 

 

adolescence comes off as very powerful and worldly.  The son of a world-renowned 

 

director, he has a go-getter attitude and confidence to complement it.  I must admit that his status is an attraction. He comes from a family much like my own and so we relate on deeperlevels as well as having superficial experiences in common. He has direction and is an achiever much like myself; he sets goals and is very realistic. For example he lives in New York and I live in Los Angeles, 

 

he has told me that a long distance relationship would ruin what we could have in the future.  This type of realism is very attractive; I don't want someone 

 

with their head in the clouds. He is smart and due to the fact that he is four years older than I am it seems to me as if he knows about so much, yet I know with experience I will gain the same knowledge.  Yet it is his ability and capacity that are attractive to me. The romantic aspect of our relationship is a strong lure, the intensity of when we are together and the longing of when we aren't make for a very romantic relationship. I love it when he sends me cute little emails when I know he is studying because it reassures me that he is thinking about me. Also when he uses terms of endearment to refer to me makes me know that I am special to him.  He is very thoughtful and when he makes 

 

allusions about our future together it makes me very happy. The respect that he treats me with is unparalleled in my past experience, he sees our relationship 

 

as two separate lives that come together every so often and can be beautiful 

 

then.  Although sometimes I wish we could act more "together" rather than two very individual entities that come together, share with each other, and then go their separate ways. 

 

 

 

#4 When I found myself attracted to a member of the opposite sex had nothing to do with the whole physical attraction, it was actually their voice that first caught my attention.  Once I turned around to see whom the voice belonged to I saw these eyes that just swallowed me in.  After some conversation their sense of humor and the rest of their personality immediately captivated me.  This was the most important thing because it does not matter how physically attractive someone is, if I cannot carry out a good conversation with someone I could never be attracted to them. 

 

#4      I think that I am attracted to guys first on their appearance.  I don't 

 

mean that on a superficial level, but appearance tells you a lot about a person. First, it shows how they choose to take care of themselves, and the amount of effort that they put into it. Self-confidence is also noticeable when you first see someone, the way they walk and how they talk to others in general shows a lot.  I guess my feeling is simply off of physical appearance you can learn a lot about someone BEFORE even talking to them, and if they have a strong 

 

appearance I become attracted to them. 

 

#4      call me superficial but I don't think I am alone when I say that physical appearance is the first thing I notice about men.  However, it's not the most important part in any way, a guy could have a great appearance, but if he has no self-confidence and seems incredibly insecure it is a huge turn off. I personally cannot pin point one characteristic of men that makes him 

 

attractive, it has to be the whole package.  However if forced to pick one, it would have to be self-confidence, if a guy knows that he is a worthwhile guy anddoesn't seem desperate for attention from just any girl, it intrigues me. 

 

#4      The physical characteristics that I find most appealing are a guy's eyes and his teeth (they must be straight).  But a guy's confidence and a sense of humor are just as important as physical attractiveness in attracting me. 

 

#4      I honestly am attracted to a guy first by his looks. That is, however, the first impression they make.  Secondly, I take into consideration how comfortable 

 

he is with himself and me for that matter!  I would never be into a man who didn't seem driven and career oriented with some direction and challenging 

 

aspirations.  A lot can be told by looking into a man's eyes, noticing his smile, and holding his hand. 

 

#4   I found myself particularly attracted to a man by his physical appearance, 

 

his stature(height), his self-confidence, his masculinity and his big smile 

 

towards me.  I think that the most important thing that attracted me to him was the way he carried himself.  His masculinity and confidence showed through. 

 

#4      ...In a situation where you have never met the person before physical 

 

attractiveness would be first thing to draw you in.  However I think that 

 

personality traits and how they act around people and towards you on first 

 

meeting can be the most attractive thing about someone. 

 

#4      I was most attracted to the guy that was my best friend for over six years and the funny thing is that I have found with the new man that I am dating they have many of the same traits. For me I need a guy to be outgoing and an 

 

athlete.  I am always wanting to do some physical activity and if you can't keep up with me there is no way that I will want to be around them.  The second thing that I look for in a man is that he has to have a sense of humor.  I think that this is one of the most important things that a man should have.  If you are going to be spending a lot of time with someone you need to be with someone that is going to make you laugh.  It is a must.  Loyalty is always important to find n someone.  When looking at it I think that it is important to be attracted to a person of the opposite sex but it is their personality that I would fall in love with and not their physical appearance, although they have to take care of themselves and care how they present themselves. After all if I am going to take the time to look good for them they should do the same for me. 

 

#4.  I would be lying if I didn't say that it was a guy's looks that attracted me initially.  People can say that looks don't matter, but in our society they do.  You can't really help but notice that someone is good looking.  I've found that looks don't always keep me attracted to that person though.  In the end it's definitely a person's personality that keeps me attracted to them.  There is one person in particular who stands out in my mind.  When I first met him I didn't really think much of him. He wasn't one of those guys that you look at and say, "Wow, he's fine" or "Wow, he's gorgeous."  He was pretty ordinary, not bad- looking or anything.  Decent.  He seemed pretty nice, too, friendly and extremely outgoing.  I tend to shy away when I meet new people, at least until I get to know them, so he kind of put me off.  I didn't think much of him until he started appearing in my life more and more.  I'd see him almost every day and at first I stayed away from him and didn't talk to him, but gradually we started talking.  I got to know him.  I found out that we had things in common.  We had similiar majors.  We grew up in the same area.  We watched the same TV shows.  From there we built a friendship.  It was through that friendship that I saw the qualities that I found attractive in him.  He was courteous. We'd go out and he'd hold open doors for me.  He was funny.  Like most guys, he hated to see any girl cry, so when I cried in front of him, he tried to keep from freaking out and instead tried everything he could to make me laugh.  He was honest.  He spoke his mind about things that bothered him.  He was intelligent. I'd always known that he was smart.  He and I could hold up lengthy discussions about almost anything.  It usually revolved around TV shows or movies or music.  I remember one day I mentioned a literature class that I'd taken in high school.  I mentioned a couple of the authors that I'd read works of, Jane Austen and William Faulkner and some others.  He caught me by surprise when his face lit up at the very mention of Faulkner's name.  He told me that he loved Faulkner and he'd taken an entire course on just Faulkner in high school.  We chattered on and on about literature and authors and I found myself with a whole new respect for him.  It was like I saw a whole other side of him that I never knew was there before, and I liked it.  I liked the way that he carried himself.  He didn't care what other people thought of him.  He interacted well with other people, even my parents loved him.  As time went on I found myself more and more attracted to him.  Suddenly, since I'd come to love all of the different parts of his personality, I found myself realizing that he was an attractive person on the outside, too.  I noticed that he was a "cute" guy.  He was tall and had nice eyes.  He dressed well.  He wasn't a slob.  For me, it was one of the first times that I was attracted to a guy's personality before his looks. I'd had just about everything that I'd looked for in a guy right in front of me all along. 

 

 

 

#4      The characteristics that I was mostly attracted to a particular opposite 

 

sex was their personality.  When you like someone a little more then others do, you see something deeper in that person.  I was attracted to the sensitivity 

 

this person had.  I was also attracted to his sense of humor because I am a person who loves to laugh.  On a physical level, I was attracted the person's 

 

eyes because they were just gorgeous.  The biggest thing that was very appealing was the fact that I understood where this person was getting at.  For example, I understood why this person acted they way he did on certain situations and such because I would do the same.  In other words, the similarities we had attracted 

 

me to this person a great deal. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex? 

 

#5  Strengths:  Strong, Protective, can make me laugh when I am down    Weaknesses:  Feign attention, avoid the real issue, change subject, controlling 

 

#5      The strengths of the male sex defiantly lie in their sex appeal and the way they can make you feel like you are the greatest person in the world.  Their weaknesses are how they can go from being incredibly loving to incredibly cold within a matter of minutes, and they way they change their whole personalities 

 

when they are around their friends. 

 

#5.  Men are often very caring of their girlfriends, wives, sisters, mothers, etc. They do not gossip as much as women and are not as vindictive of other men.  Men may not be able to express emotions well; however, they are better then women at letting us know that they are angry.  Men will say that they are angry whereas women tend to just be mad and say "nothings wrong". 

 

#5      Strengths of men are that they are confident, strong, protective, assertive, intelligent and determined.  There is a quality about men that only they can provide and no other woman can.  There is just a feeling about them that you get when you're with them.  It's very comforting.  Some of their 

 

weaknesses are that they have trouble expressing their feelings, they lie and cheat, they have big egos, they need to be the best and they can be stubborn.  Sometimes it can be hard to get through to them and they can be a little thick headed.  They don't like to be wrong and it's hard for them to listen to a female. 

 

#5 One of the weaknesses of the opposite sex is their inability to be straight forward and just say it how they see it, this is also seen in how they refuse to say something mean to someone's face but they will be more then ready to talk about them behind their backs.  One of their other weaknesses that can also be strength is that they feel comfortable expressing their emotions. Their emotions have a tendency to get the better of them and appear to take them to the extreme at times.  One of their greatest strengths is the built in motherly instinct that consists of being protective and caring, especially of their children. 

 

#5       I think that a big weakness of guys is their lack of courtesy.  It seems as the generations pass politeness level has dropped.  It is a rare occasion 

 

when I encounter a guy that will hold the door open, or let a girl go first. 

 

Yes, there are some guys who are still considerate and kind, but they are few and far between.  As for a strength of the opposite sex I feel that their 

 

loyalty is quite amazing.  I have encountered so many guys who are completely 

 

devoted to their loved ones, especially their friends.  No matter what they will always be there for their "boyz", and I don't think that girls can same the same thing. 

 

#5      I think that men's strengths lie in their ability to make a woman feel 

 

secure.  I don't know if there is a woman out there who doesn't feel safer whena man is walking down a dark alley with her compared to being with another woman. I think men's weaknesses lie in their ability to understand women.  Not many men do, and maybe that is because women don't quite understand themselves, but men seem to be borderline clueless at many times with women. 

 

#5      Guy's strengths are that they can be strong yet gentle, straightforward, 

 

and they make me feel all fuzzy and nervous inside.  But their weaknesses 

 

include avoidance of situations, lack of expression of their feelings, and the way they act so unattached to us. 

 

#5      I feel that men are often more "driven" than women to achieve and more 

 

aggressive in getting what they want.  They also, however, seem to mature slower and that can be a definite set back. 

 

#5     The strengths of men include their ability to be strong at the time of crisis, their ability to be protective of their wife and family, the inner 

 

strength that keeps them emotionless when confronted with difficult business 

 

situations,  their ability to stay focused when everything around them is chaotic, their ability to take charge of a situation when needed even if they think they are over their head, their ability to be the arm of strength when someone else is in crisis. The weakness of men include their inability to let go and cry because of stereotypes, their inability to seek direction and guidance 

 

as frequently as women will do, their  inability at time to be compassionate, 

 

and their inability to put themselves in other peoples shoes to understand and communicate an other person's viewpoint and their at times stubborn nature 

 

especially when they feel that they are right on an issue. 

 

#5      ...a guy can be strong because when he is sure about something he is 

 

confidently sure.  However, it seems that if they are unsure they have a lot of hesitance.  They are strong in their self confidence, not always feeling like they need to impress everyone.  However too much confidence can be egotistical. 

 

#5      Strengths for the opposite sex would be their loyalty to their friends and other people and for me their strength and ability to protect.  There is nothing better than a man that feels the need to protect you, although he should know when he is being over protective and that a woman can take care of herself. 

 

When it comes to their weakness I think the biggest weakness that they have is not being able to understand the workings of a girl. They always act as though they are so confused when in reality I think that they just want to have their cake and eat it too. They too often try and play mind games with females so that they can have to best one and be the man that has the best looking girl on their arm. 

 

#5.   The opposite sex is strong when it comes to competition. They naturally want to be the winner.  They naturally want to come out ahead.  They'll do anything in their power to achieve this.  I also think they're stronger when it comes to moments of "crisis."  They tend to keep more of a level head than women do. I know when something happens and I find myself with not enough hours in the day to finish all of papers, go to class, go to work, run errands and maybe possibly sleep, I can fly off the handle, especially if I've had a little too much caffiene.  It's times like these that I'm prone to running to my guy best friend and rattling off, ready to go crazy.  He'll sit me down and tell me first off, to breathe.  Then he'll usually rationalize with me, calmly telling me to set some sort of schedule.  Then he'll set me off to work.  More often than not he'll end up calling me or checking up on me every so often to see if I'm on task. The opposite sex is weak when it comes to emotion.  As I said before they're terrible when it comes to showing their emotions. They're afraid to appear weak.  They also don't like to see girls get emotional around them.  I know my male friends hate to see girls cry.  They tend to try to brush it off or get the girl to stop crying in any way that they can.  One of my male friends told me it makes him feel sad to see girls cry, so he doesn't like it.  I've also seen girls use this to their advantage.  If they want a guy to do something they'll start crying because more often than not he'll give in just to get her to stop crying. It's quite manipulative in my opinion, and something I try to keep from doing. 

 

 

 

#5      The strengths of the opposite sex is there strength. What I mean is there willing to stand up for you, to be the dominant ones in situations.  Another one is the support they give you when you need it and their sincerity they give you. The weakness of the opposite sex, is the wandering eye.  In other words, they tend to not give there 100% in loyalty when they check out some other person, 

 

especially while you are with them. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #6. Can you think of any instances in which  you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex?  If so, give a brief description of what happened. 

 

 

 

#6  This one year in high school I went to this dance with a friend, but he expected me to do something with him sexually just because I went to a dance with him.  Needless to say, we were no longer friends. 

 

#6      Of course I can think of ways I have been treated unfairly be the male 

 

sex, it is only a matter of narrowing them down. In one particular instance, a boy that I had been talking with for a few weeks hung up on me.  I had called him to say good-bye because we lived in two different places and I was leaving to go back home. He answered the phone and we began talking and then he just hung up.  He would not talk to me for the next five years.  He finally started to speak to me again, but only on a basic level, nothing that goes past hello. 

 

#6.  I honestly can't think of a time when I've been treated unfairly by the opposite sex, but I have been treated as a sex object.  I know that this is fairly common and although both sexes participate in this behavior, men treat women as sex objects more often.  The worst is when a man pinches a girl's behind at a club, bar, etc. 

 

#6      I had a boyfriend in high school of four years treated me unfairly my continuously cheating on me.  It went on for the last two years of our 

 

relationship.  He lied to me a lot and would twist things around. Every 

 

argument we had was always turned around on me.  He would make it seem like things weren't as bad as they were and he wasn't in the wrong.  It usually ended up being my fault.  I loved him so much that I always forgave him. 

 

#6 I was treated unfairly by members of the opposite sex one time in the simple fact that I was expected to do everything while the members of the opposite sex sat around and talked.  I was expected to go outside in the pouring rain and get something out of the car just because of my gender.  I was expected to later on that day get out of the car and give it a push it to the gas station, this happened do to the other gender not realizing the gas was low.  I was also expected to carry all the groceries up to the house because of gender differences. 

 

#6      When it comes to instances where I think that I have been treated unfairly 

 

I first think of athletics.  I have been an athlete for the majority of my life, and no I am not great, but I am not bad at a lot of sports.  Throughout many years of gym classes it would always be a girls over there, boys over here type of scenario.  I never felt that to be fair because I was better than some of the boys.  I once asked my gym teacher why I couldn't go play with the guys and she responded with, "sweetie, you're a girl you can't play with them." 

 

#6      When I was young, all my friends were boys.  They liked to play better 

 

games and get dirty, like me, at least when I was little.  But as I got older, some of the other guys around made fun of me because I was a girl.  Since the boys didn't want to be made fun of by the other boys, they started to make fun of me too.  That was the end of that relationship. 

 

#6 I remember when I was just about to turn fourteen and this guy that I had a huge crush on who went to the high school I had been accepted too told me he had a "special" birthday present for me and that he was going to come over and give it to me.  Being the na<ve adolescent that I was at the time, I let him come over. Unfortunately for me, he did not understand "No," and soon my trust for men was non-existent.  I don't know if this is a purely "male" attribute, but I have yet to hear of a woman doing this to a man, though I'm sure it happens. 

 

#6    I was treated unfairly by a man with regards to dating.  I had a date set up with a man and instead of calling me to cancel the date he just didn't show up.  When I called to find out what happened he didn't even call back.  He didn't have the decency to call and explain why he didn't call to cancel our date and secondly, why he didn't want to date me any more.  The strangest thing happened however, months later, after I had a new boyfriend, he wanted to go out with me again.  Of course the answer was a resounding NO! 

 

#6      ...a situation of unfair assumption I felt was with a boyfriend who always felt it was more comfortable for me to hang out with his friends, but it was inconvenient for him to hang out with my friends.  I felt like just because I was a girl it was easier for me to hang out with them and more of an effort for him to hang out with my girlfriends so he tended to avoid it. 

 

#6      I can not think of a actual experience where I have been treated unfairly 

 

just because I am a woman but I can think of times where my boyfriend and I go to a restaurant say and the people always go to him to ask questions about 

 

decisions that need to be made.  I at the time just considered it an old 

 

fashioned type of rule that the waited thought it was more appropriate to give the bill to the man even though it was my turn to pay.  It is things like this that happen every day to women and we don't even think about it because we are so used to it. 

 

#6.   I can't think of any major instances where I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex.  Most of the instances that come to mind are ones where guys didn't want to give me a chance just because I was a girl. They didn't want me on their pick-up basketball game team because I was a girl or they stuck me way in the outfield because I was a girl.  Or they assumed that I wouldn't know how to do a certain math equation or figure out a computer program because I was a girl.  All wrong assumptions, of course. 

 

 

 

#6      In my experience, I have not been treated unfairly by the opposite sex. In the past, I have been mostly treated unfairly by the same those of the same sex. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened. 

 

#7  Going to parties, especially in college, girls get treated good, but for the wrong reasons.  Guys cater alcohol to girls, which is nice at times, but they want to get you drunk, so their motives are somewhat askew. 

 

#7      There have been occasions when the male sex has treated me particularly 

 

might get sex in return for their overly nice attitudes.  One time I can 

 

remember a guy helping me with my car when it overheated.  This was before I knew anything about cars, and my car had overheated. I pulled into a gas 

 

station and a guy who just happened to be walking by came over and offered his assistance.  After fixing my radiator, he asked me for my number and the 

 

proceeded to give me his while telling me that we should defiantly hang out later. 

 

#7.  I have found that male teachers and coaches are more 'sympathetic' to or easy on women because they feel that they cannot tolerate pain as well or because they are less intelligent - this can be very frustrating.  I felt that this example belonged under this question because men feel that they are being good to you or that they are being chivalrous by cutting you some slack; however, they are being chauvinistic. 

 

#7      My boyfriend has given me a new insight on men and treats me very well. 

 

He does just about anything for me and makes me feel appreciated. He doesn't 

 

take me for granted and reminds me every so often how he cares about me.  He has proven that some men can be sensitive and caring and that not all me fit the negative stereotype.  He once surprised me and ran 8 blocks in the pouring rain to my apartment because I was upset.  When he got there he was purple because he was so cold and frozen but he said it was worth it. 

 

#7 One time at a restaurant a member of the opposite sex was serving my group of friends and I.  A few of my friends were also of the opposite sex and there was a very noticeable difference in how I was treated and served compared to how they were.  I was treated very kindly and the server always made sure I had everything I needed while ignoring my friends of the opposite gender most of the time. 

 

#7      I think that when a guy takes a girl out on a date, or even for dinner 

 

they tend to treat you pretty well because you are a girl.  They will pick up the tab for example because they are the guy, and you are the girl. 

 

8#       I can't think of a rejection that was significant enough to stand out 

 

from my own experience, but I do have one of my friend's that I found to be quite shocking.  My friend was in college and one night she ended up hooking up with a guy that she met at a party. They seemed to hit it off pretty well, and he put her under the assumption that they were "together".  Shortly after that night it was thanksgiving break, and they both went home for the weekend.  On their return my friend noticed that he was being quite rude, and ignoring her. She repeatedly called him, and questioned him on why he was treating her with such disrespect, but he continually wouldn't respond.  Finally, she called him one night while his guy friends were over, and he went on to tell her that she needed to stop calling and harassing him because they were nothing, and he would never be anything with her because she was "ugly".  I couldn't get over how horrible that was to treat someone like that.  Maybe it wasn't right of her to hook up with a guy after only knowing him one night, but that does not give him the right to be such an asshole (sorry).  He could have at least had the decency to tell her in person, and be calm and respectable about it.  I also feel that his guy-friends had a lot of influence on his behavior because I think he wanted to impress them. 

 

#7      I have noticed that I have a much easier time getting a drink at a bar in oppose to men.  There have been numerous instances where I am served before men that have been waiting much longer then me.  I don't think there is a woman out there who hasn't experienced this.  If ten guys go up to the bar to get a drink, and one woman does there is a very good chance she will be served before many of the men.  I don't think that is has anything to do with a woman's particular 

 

appearance, just the fact that she is a woman seems to be enough. 

 

#7       The sad part about it is that I have had many relationships in my life and many guy friends, but there is not one instance in my entire life that 

 

stands out as a moment in which I have been treated particularly well or 

 

special.  Every moment that I have spent with a guy has been special, but 

 

nothing so special as to write home about it. 

 

#7      Some men actually know and have manners and it's very flattering so see them used on you.  In the olden days men used to always walk on the street side if they were with a woman. This guy I used to go with did that and I thought he (and his manners) was totally cool! 

 

#7    I have had several instances where I have been treated well just because of my gender.  I used to go out with my girlfriend and we would go to restaurants or bars to have a drink and meet up with other friends.  If my girlfriend and I were alone we frequently were let into nightclubs for free or if we were in a restaurant/bar we might receive drinks on the house or be sent drinks from men.  On one occasion my girlfriend and I were sitting and having dinner and two men sent over a bottle of  Dom to the table that we didn't ask for.  It was a way I guess for them to introduce themselves to us but we were not interested in them as we were having a girls night out and our boyfriends were at home playing poker with a group of guys. 

 

#7      ...being a girl can really get you into somewhere with a huge line out the door a lot quicker. If the person letting people in is a guy, a girl would most of the time have preference to enter over another guy. 

 

#7      I can think of one particular instance where I used my femininity to get myself a better grade on a math test.  We had to take so many in order to pass the class and get above a certain percentage in order to not have to take the test again. Well, I missed only one more than the amount you can miss before you have to take the test over again and I really didn't want to have to take it. My teacher was a man in his early 30s so I wore a short skirt to class that day and went to talk to him.  I went over the problem with him and showed him that I actually knew all the ones that I had missed and that there was no reason for me to have to take the test again.  I do have to admit that I was very much 

 

flirting with the teacher as well.  He did change my grade and I never had to take the test again. 

 

#7.  I can think of instances like this that occur every day.  I work a couple of times a week at a television studio down in Burbank.  The studio has relatively tight security.  You have to show your studio ID most of the time to get in and out.  I've noticed that most of the time I don't need to flash any type of ID.  Now I can understand this happening because I've worked there for awhile.  They recognize me and let me in.  However, when I first started working there they would let me in with no questions, especially on days when I was dressed especially nicely.  On days when I'm wearing a nice skirt and maybe I've done my hair nicely, I get all kinds of men offering to help me out, opening doors for me and stopping to chat.  Even my co- workers were surprised by the fact that I've been able to roam the studios freely, no questions asked.  It's rather amusing to me, yet at the same time I find it all to be rather strange. It's not something that I'm used to. 

 

 

 

#7      In the past, up till high school, I have always been treated unfairly by those of the same sex and those of the opposite sex wouldn't tease me in any way that the same sex would.  Those of the opposite sex would listen to me and support me.  Those who were friends of mine would offer these traits to me, as I would do the same for them.  Those of the opposite sex that I barley knew would do sincere things such as opening the door for me.  I can't give one particular instant, except the fact that when I needed an opinion on things or support or someone to talk to, they were always there to provide those things. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #8.  Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex  to whom you were attracted.  How did they reject you?  Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive?  How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way? 

 

#8  There was this one guy, that I had dated very briefly, then we ended up kissing again, a year later at party.  The next night we talked on the phone for hours, then after that he just stopped talking to me.  I asked one of his friends what happened and he said that he did not want a relationship.  So I went and talked to this guy and we were able to talk through it and we both decided that neither of us wanted to date each other.  Ironically enough now we are good friends and we are both able to laugh about it.  But at the time, it made me so mad that he was not able to just tell me that he did not want to date me, he just stopped calling. 

 

#8      About a year ago I met this guy who seemed to be very interesting and 

 

nice.  He was a friend of a friend whom I had met previously, but neverofficially. We hung out in San Diego and when I found out he lived in L.A. I was excited because I had just moved here and thought it would be nice to have someone show me around.  He gave me his number and told me to call him when I got back in L.A. When I called him we made plans to go out for dinner later in the week.  He called me the afternoon before we were to go out and told me that he was sick from the night before in which he went out with his friends drinking and that he would call me later to reschedule. That was the last time we talked to each other.  For the next month I kept thinking that he might call, when I finally realized that he was not going to call I was totally hurt.  I was 

 

puzzled as to way he would go through the steps of setting up a date if he knew he did not want to go on one.  Instead of telling me to call him in L.A.  he should have just said that it was nice talking with you and I will see you the next time I am in San Diego. 

 

#8.  The most rejected I've ever been by a guy would not have hurt as much as it did if he had told me that he didn't want to start a relationship.  I met this boy during senior year, we went out a few times, we went to prom together and we talked on the phone incessantly.  Almost immediately after prom, this boy stopped calling me, stopped returning calls and became very unfriendly.  I was hurt because we always had so much fun together and prom had been romantic.  I had left him that night with the notion that our relationship was going in the right direction, but then he stopped calling.  Later I learned that he dumped me because I was going away to school, but his method of ending things was not nice nor was it a good way to keep me as a friend. 

 

#8       I got rejected one time by a guy I liked because I wouldn't sleep with 

 

him.  I had a huge crush on him for about a year and I thought he was a really cool guy.  When he realized that I wasn't "that type of girl", he sort of blew me off.  He asked for my phone number to be considerate but didn't really bother to call me.  Now he barely even says hello.  It made me angry that he acted this way and I also felt bad.  The thing I realized is that I shouldn't have felt bad.  He made me feel like I did something wrong and II know that what I did now was right. 

 

#8 I was rejected in a manner that was not very obvious at first. I had constantly hinted at the fact that I had feelings for this person and after a while that person finally caught on and didn't appear to be very surprised.  But I could immediately tell that this person really did not want to loose the friendship because we had been together through some tough times. So instead of making a big deal out of it we both kind of got the hint that it was better to just stay friends and not much was really ever said except for that person's constant avoidance of the topic when people would bring it up.  I think it was handled in a good way. 

 

#8      There was a guy that I was attracted to, who was always very friendly to me, but never anything more than friendly.  No matter how much I would flirt with him he never seemed to respond.  At first I thought he was rude and was offended.   I found out through the grape vine that he had a long distance 

 

girlfriend.  This new information made me truly hold him with respect.  He had never been blatantly rude to me, or made me feel out of line, but simply played me off in a friendly matter, which is exactly what I would want my boyfriend to do in a similar relationship. 

 

#8       In eighth grade, my best friend at the time and I had a crush on the same guy.  Things happened and she ended up with him.  I don't even know if he ever knew that I like him because he treated me exactly the same as he had before. 

 

Of course, when he chose my friend over me, I was mad at both him and her.  We probably would not have stayed friends, but we were on a class trip to 

 

Washington D. C. and we were sharing a bed.  The ironic thing about it is my friend went to a different high school and the guy and I became friends in high school.  And now, we go to college together. 

 

#8      I have been rejected a ton of times!  Usually the conversation begins with "We need to talk..." or something along the lines of "Your such a good 

 

friend..." "I'd hate to lose you as a friend..."  Almost always they have 

 

"rejected me" so that I benefit in some way or another.  Their behavior is honest and admirable, which makes it harder to "let them go."  I'm always sad when a relationship ends, but ten out of ten I've ended up with a best friend! 

 

#8  As my response to question number six stated, I was stood up. The behavior of the man was totally inconsiderate, rude, insensitive and callous.  I wonder if some girl ever did that to him.  Maybe if they had he would not have reacted the way he did. He could have simply called me and told me something happened 

 

and that he could not go out that night with me but maybe another night.  Or, he could have been real honest and said that he thought we should be just 

 

friends and he was not interested in me any longer as a girlfriend.  He made me feel angry and awful.  The worst thing about the whole matter was that I could have been out with my friends meeting someone else instead of sitting around 

 

waiting on him. 

 

#8      ...a guy that I at one time was attracted to rejected me in the way of almost vanishing into thin air.  It was entirely an insensitive way to deal with the situation.  We spent time together and interacted as if there were no problems and our relationship was solid.  It was also a relationship spent apart since I was away at school.  He counted the days until I was coming back until the actual day when I came back.  When he decided we couldn't hang out anymore, he didn'twant to see me anymore, pretty much destroying my trust in any good thing a guy has to say to me. I constantly second guess if one day they will disappear. 

 

#8      There have been many times when I was much younger that members of the 

 

opposite sex simply based on physical appearance rejected me. The main reason for this was because growing up I was always taller than the boys.  I know that it is a known fact that boys don't reach their growth spurt until after females but I was getting very sick of hearing the comment "she is really pretty, if only she weren't so tall".  When you are growing up and you already doubt your looks as it is, it is even worse to hear someone say something like this.  Most of the girls that I would hang around after a while wouldn't even realize how tall I was and after a while neither would I.  It wouldn't be until I saw myself in a picture that I realized how much taller I was than everyone growing up. 

 

#8.  I was rejected by a male friend of mine, who I had assumed was interested in me.  For a good month or two he had spent time looking out for me and eventually telling me that he cared about me as more than a friend.  I came to care for him that way, too. Then, out of nowhere, he became quite cold towards me.  I knew that he was going through a rough time and I wanted to give him his space, but I also wanted him to know that I was there for him if he needed me.  Instead of acknowledging me, he basically pushed me away.  He cut off contact with me with basically no explanation way.  If I wanted to know how he was doing I had to ask mutual friends.  Eventually he came back into my life trying to act as if nothing had happened.  As we talked he happened to mention that he not only had a girlfriend, but they were getting married and having a baby.  To say that this shocked me was an understatement.  It was then that all of the pieces of the puzzle began to come together.  He had been seeing her while he was trying to come on to me.  I felt that the entire situation was inconsiderate.  It made me feel betrayed and hurt.  I had trusted this guy and put my entire self into our friendship.  He had made me feel like I could trust him completely, but I think I had been so focused on him that I had been blind to everything else.  I had seen only what I wanted to.  If I had really been paying attention I might have seen the signs that something wasn't right.  Instead I told myself that he wouldn't hurt me.  He really loved me.  I was in the middle of a confusing time of my life.  I had just graduated from high school and was starting college.  I was looking for someone to trust, someone to help me find myself.  I was lonely.  He was the first person that came along that seemed like a friend.  As a result I made him my world.  When he hurt me my world came crashing down.  I can't think of a way that he could have been more considerate with all of this short of not getting into this mess in the first place. If anything he made me realize that I shouldn't be so quick to trust.  I can definitely say that I'm much more cautious about any potential relationships now, although I wish I didn't have to feel that way. 

 

 

 

#8      When I have been attracted to someone of the opposite sex many times I never would express my feelings to them and would just keep it to myself.  And in doing so, I would always find out that they were going for someone who 

 

happens to be the popular person of the group.  There was one instance though where I did express my feelings and what I got in return was the same thing I always get before.  It was basically some other girl he wanted to go out with and he was waiting to hear a response from her and so I got rejected. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month.  You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again. 

 

How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances: 

 

QUESTION #9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person.  How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go? 

 

 

 

#9  Well, I would not want to have sex with him, there are things that come before that.  I would want to maybe hold hands or kiss.....so....  if the timing was right and I was feeling daring, I would go in to kiss him or take his hand.  Or I would talk to him about it. 

 

#9      In this particular situation I would initiate sexual contact by being the one to start touching him.  I would probably put my hand on his leg or rest my head on his shoulder.  From these indications I would assume that the guy would get the hint and things would proceed from there. 

 

#9. I would hope that after a month of dating we would already be to the point of holding hands.  I'm sure that I would feel comfortable gently touching his arm and flirtatiously touching him.  I would look into his eyes and smile and if none of this worked, I would lean in and give him a soft kiss on the cheek hoping that this would inspire a more passionate kiss. 

 

#9      I'm not usually the one to make the first move, but in order to show 

 

someone that I'm attracted to them I flirt with them.  I might joke around or act silly.  Usually some sort of physical interaction happens first, like 

 

wrestling or teasing.  Even something like rubbing or scratching his back or holding his hand might send a message that you're interested. Sometimes to get the message across to my boyfriend I'll look deep into his eyes and make this sort of connection with him.  I make him feel special and that he's wanted. 

 

#9      During dinner I would touch the person's hand, possibly brush through 

 

their hair, and lean forward while talking, act very animated and interested in what they were saying. Possibly brush their foot under the table and then laugh flirtatiously afterward. Definitely make a lot of eye contact. In the car I would put my hand on his knee and put on some cheesy song that gave the hint. Once we arrived at my house I would invite him inside to watch a movie or even to have a cup of tea.  Pick a comfortable place in the house where I could sit close to him, i.e. like a couch or even a bed.  If he doesn't make the first move then during an awkward silence I would lean in close and kiss him. 

 

 

 

#9 To influence physical intimacy I would extensively complement the member of the opposite sex on their looks.  Such as complements about the eyes and such and I would continue to compliment their beauty and how wonderful I think they are.  I would also tell them how comfortable I fell around them and how I feel about them and how wonderful I think they are.  When and if they physical intimacy began I would make sure to go no farther than the other person felt comfortable with. 

 

#9      I would probably become very flirtatious and have a lot of physical 

 

interaction with them first.  I would then try to put us into a situation where it was very intimate without distractions, and see where it would lead. 

 

 

 

#9      In this situation I might ask him to come in at the end of the date and watch a movie or just to hang out.  When taken out of the public I think that one has a better way of evaluating the opposite sex's feelings.  I would 

 

instigate little flirtatious movements like placing my hand on his thigh when talking to him or touching his face, etc.  If he seemed completely unresponsive 

 

I would probably just give up. 

 

#9      I would probably lean in towards him when we talked and I would gaze into his eyes.  I would make my body all soft and vulnerable looking so that he would want to hold me.  Then I would let things happen naturally.  I'm not the kind of person that would jump on a guy or be so forward as to tell a guy what I want or what to do. 

 

#9      I like to be asked if a man wants to kiss me and "advance" physically on a date.  If he asks, he'll get a for sure answer, instead of [maybe] insulting his date.  It's also safer in this day and age to know your rights and where you stand with a person. 

 

#9   I would ask my date when he was dropping me off, if he would like to come in and have a drink with me.  Then I would light some candles in the house, keep the lights down low, and turn on some nice music for dancing.  Then I would ask him to dance with me and lean very close to him. 

 

#9      ...be flirtateous and insinuate that you would want to have physical 

 

contact.  Have innocent physical contact with the person by touching them 

 

casually when talking.  Make a lot of eye contact.  When it becomes comfortable 

 

enough make the first move. 

 

#9      If it was me that was in the situation, as most girls have been before, 

 

you have to feel that person out to see how they would react to different 

 

approaches.  Some men that are more open and like to talk would react better if you talked to them about the subject.  If you told them what your feeling was for them and they told you how they felt and then you could discuss where you wanted to go physically with the relationship.  On the other hand if the person is more of a actions than words character it would make more sense to just try and put the moves on them and see if they were going to reject you. 

 

#9.  I'm a relatively shy person, so this could be somewhat difficult for me.  Although when I'm with someone that I'm very attracted to I find myself acting in ways that I never thought I would.  I would probably find myself becoming extra flirty, acting much as I would normally with him, but making sure I catch his gaze and hold it every so often, casually brushing my hand on their arm or knee while I talk or laugh with him.  I would try to do something to draw his attention to the fact that, "Hey, I'm attracted to you," short of actually saying so.  Depending on where we were I might ask them to dance, giving me an excuse to get closer physically to him.  I might also sit closer to them, anything to physically put myself in contact with him. 

 

 

 

#9      I would drop hints here and there throughout the date. Showing physical 

 

closeness to the person and flirt with that person, not heavily but lightly and basically showing signs of wanting physical intimacy from that person.  I would do actions such as standing close to the person if we're waiting in line for something or I would use words to hint things through. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #10. Situation 2:  The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you.  Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the 

 

subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual? 

 

#10  I would avoid situations in which he might come onto me.  If the situation did occur, I would be polite about it, but I would try to make it clear that I did not want anything to go on. 

 

#10     When I am not interested in a person physically I usually make sure that I maintain my personal space and from my body language make it known that I enjoy my space. 

 

#10. I would act very friendly towards him and probably make it clear that I appreciated his friendship.  I would try not to make eye contact for any extended amount of time and I would not let my hand linger on his arm - I would avoid physical contact as much as I could.  I would try not to hurt his feelings and try to make it clear that I did not want him to make a move because I would feel bad if I had to pull away from an attempted kiss. 

 

#10     I have been put in this situation with guys who have become close friends. Usually I close myself up.  I don't look them in the eyes are at them at all.  I try to avoid any sort of physical contact that might suggest anything. 

 

Sometimes I curl up in a ball which sends the message that I don't want to be touched and I'm usually left alone.  I might turn my back towards them or away from them.  It's usually a body signal that I send.  I don't want to hurt them so I try not to say anything to directly.  That can also be embarassing 

 

for them. 

 

#10     Actually my best friend Kathy and I have a system to cut dates short. 

 

When the guy picks me up I call Kathy so she can gage the time. About two hours after that phone call Kathy calls and interrupts the date.  Knowing who is calling I either answer the phone in a cheery and happy voice if the date is going well and no rescue mission is needed. Or if I answer the phone in a monotone voice then Kathy makes up some disaster that has happened and says that I am desperately needed to help her. Some examples of disasters are: Getting in a fight with a boyfriend, parent or friend, also spilling 

 

something on a suede outfit that was borrowed from her roommate, car trouble, 

 

losing a diamond ring, etc. Then you sweetly tell your date that your best 

 

friend is in need and you hope he understands, if he offers to help tell him that she is very temperamental and is likely to bite his head off under these circumstances.  Then you never call him again. It is in this fashion that I have gotten out of many sticky situations on dates and I plan to use it forever. 

 

 

 

SENTENCE COMPLETIONS 

 

#10 Being a person who would rather just tell the person up front instead of leading them on I would tell the person that I just don't see myself being physically attracted with them.  I also might say the horrible dreaded saying that we could be friends, if we got along and enjoyed discussion with one another. 

 

#10     I would really try to detach and distance myself from them first. If that didn't work I would maybe bring up other guys to them, or talk as if there was someone else in my life.  I might even talk as if I really wasn't interested in having anything with anyone.  As a last resort I would fake sick, and make them take me home, and probably not return their phone calls.mature I know! 

 

#10      I would talk a lot, and not leave much time for silent pauses, when he could "make a move."  When it came for him to drop me off I would tell him I had a great time and avoid eye contact before I thanked him and jumped out of the car.  I think that most men can tell when a woman is avoiding sexual interactions, for I have been called on it before. 

 

#10     I would probably drop the word "friend" many times and try to steer clear from conversations about relationships or feelings.  I would also offer to pay for some of the date, making it more like friends than a date.  At the end, I would give him a hug, no kiss, and thank him for being such a good friend. 

 

#10     In order to avoid physical intimacy I would say that I wasn't interested 

 

in commitment and that being friends is the best way to begin any kind of 

 

relationship.  If he were flat out hitting on me I'd just say "I don't mean to be rude or insult you in any way, but I'm not looking for a relationship..." 

 

That will get the message across! 

 

#10.  I would make sure our dates were group dates or dates where we would be around a lot of other people all of the time so there is no time for intimacy. 

 

I would also avoid going to restaurants etc. that were romantic with this 

 

person.  I would basically not leave any room for intimacy to transpire.  If that does not give them a clue then I would just be honest and tell them I wanted to be friends only. 

 

#10     ...pull away or try and avoid responding to physical contact they may 

 

insinuate.  Use body language in a way to show that you aren't interested in that way by not turning towards them by not touching them, in general not 

 

flirting.  Talking about non relationship topics will veer ideas away from 

 

becoming sexual. 

 

#10     I really believe that honesty is the best policy because I know that if someone didn't want anything from me I would want them to tell me that. 

 

Everyone knows that one of the worst feelings in the world is being led on.  You would never have been led on if in the first place that person had come right out and told you how they felt. Instead they play games when you know that from the beginning they never had any intentions of having any sort of relationship 

 

they were just to chicken to say anything.  It is because of this that I would tell the person straight off that I thought they were a nice person and enjoyed being around them but that I just didn't have any kind of other feelings towards them. 

 

#10. I would try to keep a bit of a distance between us, hoping that my body language could send some sort of subliminal message to him.  I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings by up and saying that I'm not physically attracted to him, especially if he's a nice person.  I also wouldn't want to give him the wrong idea. If the physical distance thing wasn't working I think I would have to be honest with him and try to tell him as nicely as possible that maybe we'd be best as friends, although I know that's something that everyone (myself included) hates to hear. 

 

 

 

#10     I would most likely show some distance, in terms of being physical.  Such as not standing so close to the person.  If the person made moves I would not respond to them.  If the person were to say something that hinted physical 

 

attraction, I would not respond to those either or if I did, it would go along the line of showing them that I am not physically attracted to them.  In other words, I would not want to lead them on and at the end have them be disappointed 

 

because of it. 

 

 

 

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SENTENCE COMPLETION 

 

For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought.  Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it. 

 

QUESTION #11.  In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when... 

 

 

 

#11  a guy seems to be interested in me 

 

#11     I am approached by or seem to be spending more time with another male 

 

other than them. 

 

#11.  They see their girlfriends/wives hanging out with another guy steadily. 

 

#11      you dress sexy or flirt with other men.  They don't like other guys to look at or be attracted to you.  They feel competition 

 

#11     They are aware of a close friendship that I am engaged in with a member of the 

 

opposite sex. 

 

#11 When we talk to people of the opposite sex in a friendly/kind manner.  It appears that it is automatically taken as we are flirting with them and if they aren't mad enough to just ignore you and make you guess what the problem is they will ask a variety of questions attempting to catch you in the act, even if you weren't doing anything. 

 

#11     In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become 

 

insanely jealous when a stranger (of the opposite sex) approaches your 

 

significant other, and shows interest in them. 

 

#11      I am flirting with any other guy, and not giving them then attention they want.  I think it seems to irk them the most when it is someone they know well and see as a threat to them. 

 

#11     They see the person they have feelings for interacting a little more 

 

intimately with someone of the same sex.  Guys get jealous of girls dancing, 

 

talking, or just interacting with other guys. 

 

#11     ...when you (their significant other) show interest in someone else and they feel their relationship with you is being threatened. 

 

#11   Another man stares their date/girlfriend up and down.  In addition, they become insanely jealous when a woman stops to talk to a man they do not know and this other male is attractive and seems interested. 

 

#11     ...when they feel that their relationship with you is being threatened by another member of their own sex. 

 

#11     They see their partner talking to another person when they are out at a club or party especially when there is alcohol involved. 

 

#11. girls talk about other guys.  Even my male best friend starts to get jealous when I'm talking about another guy, even if the other guy is just a celebrity.  My friend can rave on for hours about the merits of Britney Spears, yet the minute I start talking about someone like Freddie Prinze, Jr or Jude Law and my admiration for them, my friend becomes antsy, rolling his eyes, thinking of reasons why that other guy isn't so great or even saying, "OK, that's enough."  If I'm talking to another guy just as a friend, my friend will come up to me afterward and say something like, "I never liked him anyway," as if it's some competition for my attention. 

 

 

 

#11     ...another member of the opposite sex flirts with me. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #12.  When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, 

 

the opposite sex... 

 

 

 

#12  are very slow, usually they want to make sure that you are comfortable 

 

 

 

#12     always get this smile on their faces and this look in their eyes that seem to say let me kiss you. 

 

#12.  Does so by provoking sex through touch, etc. whereas women will want to talk about it first. 

 

#12      usually will say some sort of cheesy line to flatter you. 

 

#12     Is very hesitant with me which I don't think is common, I usually have to initiate something.  I think I intimidate them. 

 

#12  is just as eager and nervous as the other person involved. They are also very comforting and reassuring, they also many times appear to be much more hesitant to take the first step. 

 

#12     When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex has a strong sense of confidence, but a bit of nervousness as well. 

 

 

 

#12      Either gets it or doesn't.  Some men know exactly how and when, others 

 

think any time is okay, and some don't seem to ever know when it is okay. 

 

 

 

#12     At first, guys beat around the bush as they try to figure out how to get the guts to do what they are thinking about.  But as they get more comfortable 

 

with you, they get more forward with their sexual approaches. 

 

#12     ...needs better commitment and instructions (for all those who are 

 

"inexperienced"). 

 

#12   Usually gets a woman inebrated before starting their routine.  After that it is let's go back to your place and have a drink.  They then look for the stereo and set the tone.  This is followed by getting close to the woman on the couch.  Then from there it is the kissing and so on. 

 

#12     ...should have feelings to back up their actions. 

 

#12     Is usually the one that is more interested in it although women often 

 

think that it will help to bring the two people closer together. 

 

#12. tries to be calm, cool, and collected about it, but they're just as nervous as we are.  Society always makes it seem as if guys have to be the ones in control, like all of this is just supposed to happen naturally with them, but it's still not that easy for them and they can freak out over it just like girls do. 

 

 

 

#12     ...make the moves or become increasingly sincere with me then they would with a friend. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #13.  The opposite sex seems clueless about... 

 

#13  what is really important to women 

 

#13     a woman's need to be reassured not only of herself but also of their 

 

relationship. 

 

#13.  Why their girlfriends want them to write letters and send cards. 

 

#13     making you jealous.  They usually don't even know when they have offended 

 

you or said something to make you jealous. 

 

#13     Sending mixed signals, how to make a girl feel special, how often to call, so many more! 

 

#13 our need to just be left alone for a little while when we get mad.  They don't understand that we just need some time alone to collect our thoughts and sort some things out before we want to talk about our problems and get outside help.  The opposite sex has to learn not to get mad because we duck into isolation when we do get mad, its not that we are being stubborn and that we don't want help we just need a few minutes at least to ourselves to calm down and to figure things out. 

 

#13      The opposite sex seems clueless about woman's intuition. 

 

#13     Fashion, I wish that some men still had their mom's dressing them! 

 

#13     The opposite sex is clueless about decoding what women want and what they are saying.  It's weird, but girls, in general, are always saying things that they really don't mean. But we expect our significant others to be able to know exactly what we are thinking, at all times. 

 

#13     ...about commitment. 

 

#13   The fact that what is a turn on for them is frequently a turn off for a woman.  Most women are not interested in seeing other women nude nor are they interested in porno. 

 

#13     ...communicating  how serious they want a relationship to be.  Thereoften 

 

seems to be question and uncertainty. 

 

#13     The opposite sex.  Women know nothing about men, especially if you have never grown up with brothers.  And on the other hand men know nothing about 

 

women. 

 

#13. what girls are really thinking.  I'll admit that sometimes we can be hard to interpret, especially since we might expect guys to read our minds.  On more than one occasion I've caught my male best friend trying to read that issue of Cosmo that I have lying around in order to see what women really think and feel and want.  It amazes me how clueless guys can be sometimes.  I can be totally into a guy and think that I'm sending him all of the right signals to let him know so, but he'll be completely clueless.  I suppose part of that is my fault since I could be more up front about it all, but still.  Sometimes I wish I didn't have to spell everything out so clearly. 

 

 

 

#13     ...what are women thinking at times. 

 

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QUESTION #14.  Being romantic is something that the opposite sex... 

 

#14  needs a "girl" friend to teach them or they do it every now and then, never enough 

 

 

 

#14     can be very good at, it really depends on the guy. 

 

#14.  Can do very well when he sets his mind to it. 

 

#14     needs a little more work on.  They think that it's "gay" to be romantic. 

 

They think that they might be made fun of or criticized by other men for.  They need to realize that it is something that women love. 

 

#14     Can do but very rarely does, although I think they hold the role for 

 

initiating romance.  

 

#14 Probably overall expects out of the other sex, but they have come not to expect it all the time.  When it does arise they are very pleased and unfortunately begin to expect it more and more all the time due to the fact they know that we are capable of being romantic. 

 

#14     Being romantic is something the opposite sex isn't very good at. 

 

#14     Assumes all women want.  I personally don't like all that much romance and too much too fast can be a huge turnoff. 

 

#14      NEEDS TO WORK ON!!!!!!  They are romantic every once in a while, but they always seem to have the mentality that once they do something semi-romantic, 

 

that we are satisfied for a while and that they don't need to be romantic for awhile. 

 

#14   ...sex can be good at if they want too. 

 

#14  Seems to have to practice at.  Being romantic usually does not come 

 

naturally to most men and so correspondingly if the guy is overly romantic, a woman will suspect that a man is a player and is only interested in conquests. 

 

Women appreciate it immensely when a man makes the effort to be romantic but overkill makes them suspect their intentions. 

 

#14     ...is good at if they try. 

 

#14     Can do if they really try.  I have found that my boyfriend is more 

 

romantic than I am.  He does to do little things that he knows will make me happy. 

 

#14. knows more about than they realize.  They're just afraid to show it sometimes in fear that they'll seem too mushy or weak. However I've seen guys do some pretty cute and romantic things. Even little chivalrous things, like holding doors open for girls or remembering special occasions seem rather romantic to me. 

 

 

 

#14     ...can do very well when they do become romantic. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #15.  Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by... 

 

 

 

#15  seeing how honest they are or having another guy come onto them to make sure that they will be faithful 

 

#15     flirting with another person on purpose to see what you will do, or my personal favorite, not calling you for a week to show you that they are in control and keep you waiting. 

 

#15.  Seeing how much "manliness" (e.g. leaving the toilet seat up, not calling, and going out with the guys) their potential girlfriends can deal with. 

 

#15      making sarcastic remarks to see what their answer might be.  We say 

 

things that might provoke them to tell us the truth. 

 

 

 

#15     Meeting the parents, asking philosophical questions, checking out the 

 

other one's 

 

background. 

 

#15  Asking billions of questions, many of which are quite ridicules and will probably never even arise in a real life situation.  These questions are of the dreaded "What if" genre. They will also talk to members of the opposite sex to see how the person will react towards that type of situation.  They also have a tendency to act like they are mad from some stupid reason to see how their partner acts.  They also will appear to ignore you to see if you care enough to get in touch with them, to see if you will go out of your way to be with them. 

 

#15      Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend 

 

through a series of relationship tests by aggravating the crap out of them 

 

through words and actions! 

 

 

 

#15     Bringing her out to meet his friends and then later to meet his family. 

 

However, this is something both genders do, not just men. 

 

#15      Hanging out with other girls.  It's almost like they want to see how much we will take before we get so mad we want to beat on the girl.  Unfortunately 

 

for them, girls can just turn around and do the same thing to another guy.  That ends that game real fast. 

 

#15   ...by testing either their faithfulness and/or level of interest. 

 

#15     Asking them questions about their past relationships, taking them to 

 

expensive restaurants and seeing if they order the most expensive item on the menu, by introducing them to their ex girlfriends to test their reaction, by leaving or dropping money to see what they will do with it.  In addition, they may purposely say something to see how angry a girl can get. 

 

#15     ...putting you in a social scene with their friends to see how you act around them or perhaps towards them.  To test the how genuine or actions or personality is. 

 

#15     Seeing if the couple is really ment to be together. Especially when you are coming to a time in your relationship to see if you are ment to stay 

 

together or go your separate ways.  They test each other's loyalty and 

 

commitment to each other. 

 

#15. judging how much they can trust their girlfriend.  They'll see how their girlfriend talks with other guys.  They'll probably get jealous more often than they should.  They'll see all other guys that she's friendly with as some sort of threat.  They'll talk to other girls and think that it's OK.  If their girlfriend gets jealous or says something about it, they'll tell her not to worry and that it's nothing.  In the end they'll realize just how much they can trust one another. 

 

 

 

#15     ...flirting with others to see if their girlfriend/boyfriend are still 

 

interested in them with level of jealousy or response they receive. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #16.  The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to... 

 

 

 

#16  sports, they always feel that women are inferior.  I don't play sports, I just always see guys act prejudice in that aspect 

 

#16     sports. 

 

#16.  Sports. 

 

#16     Sports, they always claim they are bigger, better and stronger.  Also the business world, when a woman is assertive or aggressive she may be termed a "castigator" or "ball-breaker" 

 

#16  Having to accomplish physical tasks.  When ever something has to be moved or pushed out of the way they look at you as if your just some kind servant.  A prime example is if the car stalls and it needs a push start, they just sit there and look at you assuming you'll jump right out of the car and start pushing. They don't even bother to ask if they should come out and at least attempt to help. 

 

#16     Paying for the check.  This is not true for all men, but some men seem to be old fashioned when it comes to their opinion of how a lady should act, but not when it comes to paying for the bill. 

 

#16     Things that have been considered manly, like protecting their women and providing for their families are things that men generally accept as being "man things." 

 

#16   ...to the military. 

 

#16     Making money.  Statistics show that women make only $.76 per each dollar a man makes.  Only three women are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.  In addition, 

 

only 5% of women hold senior management positions, even though over 50% of college students are women and most are in the business school. 

 

#16     ...winning.  They want the opportunities to be ezual as long as they come out on top. 

 

#16     Sports.  Men seem to think that they are the only ones who can excel at athletics even though females have proven over and over that we are just as athletic.  They may recognize our ability but they still think that they can do it better. 

 

#16. who should be the "provider."  No matter how far women come in the working world, I think it will always seem like the guys should be the ones who bring the paychecks home and support the family.  Guys just seem to believe that they should have that edge over women. 

 

#16     ...any insult that is geared towards that particular sex. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex... 

 

#17  feels occasionally, especially if they are not that secure in a relationship 

 

#17     knows a lot about and if they are smart enough they can use it to their 

 

advantage.  They have to know when to be possessive and when not to be. 

 

 

 

#17.    Some men aren't possessive at all, some are just possessive enough (e.g. they call you their babies etc. but don't get super jealous when you hang out with other men) and some are way too possessive. 

 

#17     In my experience has never been a problem. 

 

#17 Seems to sometimes over do it.  This is seen when a member of the opposite sex is with a significant other.  They have a tendency to bare very close to them and never let go of there hand as if to show that their significant other is theirs and that no one else is allowed to have them, this is especially apparent when another member of the opposite sex arrives. 

 

#17     Varies in, some men are not possessive at all, and some are too possessive, it can't be generalized. 

 

#17      Possessiveness is something that guys seem to not possess but they 

 

actually have a lot of, especially when it comes to something or someone close to them. 

 

#17   ...sex is good about. 

 

#17     Hates.  Men hate it when women are possessive of them and yet they can be just as possessive especially when another man looks their girlfriend/spouse up and down in public. 

 

#17     ...Should learn to control.  It will bring about understanding and 

 

trustful qualities if theyavoid it. 

 

#17     Thrives on.  They love having their girlfriend to show what they have 

 

achieved. 

 

#17. knows well.  When they have a girlfriend she is his.  If another guy even looks at her or talks to her the boyfriend will jump on the defensive, trying to keep her as his and his alone. It plays into the whole jealousy thing.  Unless a guy (or a girl for that matter) is completely confident in his/her relationship, possessiveness will be around. 

 

#17     ...are capable to do.  And it also depends on the level of possessiveness. 

 

For example if its really high, then I would feel suffocated and feel as if they own me completely rather then allowing me to have my own freedom (the choices, 

 

my thinking, who I hang out with, etc.). 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #18.  When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex... 

 

 

 

#18  tends to look for women that are physically attractive 

 

#18     is very attractive. 

 

#18.  Men are very attractive, especially when they dress up a little and put on a little cologne.  We also like it when men shave close!!! 

 

#18     Is just what I want, very dominant and large. 

 

#18  Appears to care less about physical appearance then the other sex.  They appear to care much more about a persons personality; such as humor, sensitivity, ability to be romantic, to be level headed and stuff like that. 

 

#18     seems to want a girl who eats more than just a salad but had the body of a supermodel.  Cheeseburgers and Cindy Crawford don't go hand in hand. 

 

#18     Physical attractiveness in the other sex is very important, but not the most important thing.  I have to admit though, there's something about a guy that has beautiful eyes and washboard abs. 

 

#18  ...sex needs to be attracted! 

 

#18   Is not as attractive.  In addition, most men do not seem to be very 

 

concerned about their appearance and as such this may be why they do not appear as attractive.  Women seem to be more concerned about their appearance and as such spend the time and effort to improve themselves in this area.  Maybe this is all about priorities in this department and men do not have appearance as a top priority. 

 

#18     ...can fufill the definition of the term.  When it comes to them observing 

 

it, they are morelikely to not look past the physical appearance of somebody. 

 

#18     Is very appealing to the eye.  This is especially so when you can tell 

 

that they are actually trying to impress you and that they care about themselves 

 

and what they look like.  It is rare to find a man that will take as good of care of themselves as women do. 

 

#18. knows it's there.  I've seen my male friends primp before going out.  Sure, they may say that girls take a long time getting ready to go out, but I've seen guys take just as long. They care about their appearance just as girls do.  I tend to be more attracted to guys who are physically attractive but don't realize it.  The ones who know that they're physically attractive have a tendency to be rather stuck on themselves and come off as egotistical.  I have no desire to be with a guy who is more in love with himself than he is with me. 

 

#18     ...really show it through their actions and what they say to you, etc. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #19.  Money and status is are things that the opposite sex... 

 

#19  don't look for as much as some women do 

 

#19     seem to value. 

 

#19.  Men are sometimes obsessed on money and status, but the sexiest men have their priorities on other things (e.g. the environment, children, etc.). 

 

#19     Want to posses to feel secure as the breadwinner. 

 

#19  The opposite sex appears not to care much about status and money when other forces come into play.  They appear to be more interested in a person who will always be there for them through good times and bad rather than someone who is high on the company ladder and never there though they are bringing in the money. 

 

#19     Relate to their appeal to women, which not all women care about. 

 

#19      Money and status are things that men feel all women need to be happy. 

 

This is not true.  Of course, having those things would be nice, but they are not everything. 

 

#19   ...sex want. 

 

#19   Finds to be central to their being.  I feel that men are more concerned 

 

about money and status because of the stereotypes of the past where it was important that they be the bread winner and as such this thinking has become 

 

central to their personal psyche and to their internal happiness. I feel that their status and money position is integral in who they are and if they are not happy with these two things they have low morale or feelings of inadequacy. 

 

#19     ...hold in high regard. 

 

#19     Compare greatly to each other.  While women are usually comparing looks 

 

and who has the best body, it is men that are comparing their money and job status to each other. 

 

#19. strive to have.  Part of this stems back to the society that we live in.  The more money you have, the better status that you have, the better off you will be, or so we've all been raised to believe. 

 

#19     ...can have the tendency to show off, thus leading for other to think of them as shallow or having an ego. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #20.  It hurts me most when the opposite sex... 

 

 

 

#20  knows what is important to me, and he still does not do it 

 

#20     does not give me the acknowledgements I deserve. 

 

#20.  Stops calling because they don't want a relationship. Sometimes women don't want a relationship either, but like the friendship of a man. 

 

#20     leaves me hanging in a romantic involvement, not calling, being vague 

 

about feelings, etc. 

 

#20  thinks that all we think about and all we want is SEX!!! 

 

#20     doesn't seem to see me as much as a priority as I see them. 

 

#20      It hurts the most when I know that there are so many women out there that are being beaten and abused by their men, husbands or boyfriends.  I think that any man that is abusive towards a woman should be punished extensively. 

 

#20   ...sex pushes me away. 

 

#20   Does not take our feelings into consideration before they open their 

 

mouth.  They just blurt things out without thinking about how their words will affect the other person.  They speak without thinking sometimes or they don't care what the reaction is and that is worse. 

 

#20     ...acts as though they hold feelings for you that they really do not have. 

 

#20     Doesn't understand how hard it is to be a women.  WE go through so many things that they will never go through like childbirth or discrimination. 

 

#20. relies on "standards" or superficial things to compare me to.  I want to be seen as me and not judged against what society has made it seem like women need to be.  I'm stubborn and I'm independent.  I like to take care of myself, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't mind having a guy around to care for me sometimes.  I know so many guys who look at magazines or watch TV and lust after the skinny yet busty blondes with fake tans that they see.  That's not me.  It will never be me.  (I'd make a horrible blonde anyway.)  I just don't want to be compared to those types of things.  I'd like to be given a chance to be me and accepted as I am. 

 

#20     ...do not remain loyal to you. 

 

 

 

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QUESTION #21.  I feel best about the opposite sex when... 

 

#21  when I know that he has listened to me and I feel that he really cares about what I have to say. 

 

 

#21     they compliment me on me and not only my physical appearance. 

 

#21.  They talk about their feelings.  

 

#21     I wake up next to them. 

 

#21 they take the time out to listen to what others have to say and are willing to comfort them and talk out the person's problems and help to figure out resolutions.  I guess you can say when their "motherly instinct" is at its peak. 

 

 

 

#21     we are in synch with one another. 

 

 

 

#21      When I see a guy being exceptionally nice and romantic to his loved one, that's when I feel god about the opposite sex. Maybe its because not many guys are like that. 

 

 

#21   ...when [he] holds my hand. 

 

 

 

#21   They are kind, considerate and in a happy frame of mind. It shows through in everything they say and do. 

 

 

 

#21     ...you can tell they truly mean what they are saying. When they care 

about you so much they don't seem to know what to do with themselves. 

 

 

 

#21     I am spending time with them and getting to know their different personalities. 

 

 

 

#21. I'm getting along with them.  I feel good when I'm hanging out with my guy best friend and we're talking or laughing and I realize that men and women aren't as different as we may seem sometimes.  We can get along and we do. 

 

#21     ...they make me feel secure that they really do care about me.