MEN, Fall 99 ----------------------------------------------- QUESTION #1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling. #1. My feelings about this topic are based on experiences I have had with more than one person of the opposite sex, however the topic seems to be somewhat similar. I have been purled numerous times with different people about how indecisive and confused women tend to be when it comes to what they want. This seems to occur in matters of varying importance, nether it be about what to wear or in something more serious like a relationship. It seems as if women would like some help in this area but if you try to offer your advice women seem to think you are patronizing them or think they can't make a decision on their own. I think what puzzles me the most is how this seems to go into every aspect of their life and how something I see as so inconsequential can become a life or death matter in the eyes of the female subject. #1. I was in a peculiar situation with a girlfriend sometime ago. For some reason we were the center of attention and gossip all of the time. Some of the things that were said about us were hurtful. To this day she holds a grudge against me because when ever someone said something to me, I shared it with her. I was just trying to share the events with her but she took it as if I was going along with the situation. A male is not as judgemental as to take matters so personal. #1. I probably understand girls more now than when I was younger. But once in awhile, I find a girl that plays mind games. This is a turn-off. There was this girl once, who went out of her way to strike up a conversation with me. Then at a party one night, I was drunk so she came up to me - I think she wanted to hook-up. I was too incapacitated to do much of anything; I excused myself - not because I wasn't interested but because I felt alcohol poisoning. The next time I saw her, I said I would have talked to her more, but I couldn't. She said, "Oh, yeah. I kinda remember you at the party." She played it off like she vaguely remembered seeing me. That pissed me off. When I tried brushing her off, then she came on stronger to me, further trying to get my attention. I totally be fine hooking up with her if she were cool a little bit more consistently. I don't get her behavior. #1. I was with my girlfriend and we started talking about our relationship. We were discussing how we felt and how we thought things were going. We touched on a certain topic, one I cannot recall, and she began to get a bit punchy and emotional. This is what puzzled me, why sometimes the smallest things or the most random thoughts provoke deep emotional responses. It seems as though women tend to attach more importance than deemed necessary to certain things or details in their view. Maybe it was just bad timing to bring up this subject for conversation or there were some other underlying factors that I was unaware of that she had been through. #1. So many times women have confused the hell out of me! For example, many times women cry for no apparent reason at all. At a wedding, funeral, movie, party. anywhere. I think I speak for most men when I say that men only cry for very specific reasons; such as severe pain or a traumatic experience in our lives. Whereas women cry if they are happy, sad, or even mad. In addition, women and shopping really confuse me. I went to the mall with a few girls who I was friends. Girls act so different from guys when they go shopping. A guy goes to the mall, when he has to pick up a new shirt or new pair of shoes. Women many times go to the mall not to buy clothes but rather, to look at all the clothes and even try on the clothes but not buy anything at all. It is more like a social event for women to go shopping. When I went shopping with my girl freiends they made me watch them model the clothes and would ask me wether they looked fat in the clothes or if the clothes showed too much of there buts. After waiting what semmed like hours in the store my friends would put back all the clothes they tried on and walk out of the store as if nothing had happened. I honestly believe that women's gender and upbringing have to do with the differences in shopping and not just the particular people involved in the situation. Men go shopping for stuff they need, and women go shopping for unexplainable reasons! #1. I was once with a group of friends who happened to all be female. We were all on a road trip headed for the wilderness and I had been elected to be the "male". The purpose of including me on this otherwise glorified sleep over was one I did not fully understand until I asked. Upon asking, "So how come I'm the only boy here?" I was immediately given a range of responses from "you're strong" to "you know all that boy survival stuff." It became clear to me that as guilty as men are of assuming that women instinctually know how to sew, cook, and interface with children; so are females guilty of fobbing tasks of physical exertion and confrontation off on males. This mutual agreement between genders not to ask but to assume puzzles me. Why would we opt for less understanding? #1. In general I am not one to become puzzled by the opposite sex, for I can usually see their side of the situation. I am not by any means saying that we share the same views, but just that I do not find them all that puzzling. It has been my experience that men and women are quite similar, and as time progresses the gender gap is rendered less of a gap, and more of a fine line. Often times I find that many of my male friends exude a great deal more traditionally female qualities, than do my female ones, and vice versa. I do not feel that the confines of stereotypes hold much weight among my generation. #1. Why when you are first starting to see some girl she always is bringing up past relationships, like what this guy was like or what that guy was like, or I've done this or that with guys before. I know you've had a sexual life before me, but that's all I need to know in less I ask. I prefer not to hear about it because it makes me crazy with jealousy. And if that's the intension, well pardon me but that's fucked up. I don't talk about that stuff because I figure that girls would think the same, but maybe they don't. Who knows? #1. There was a situation one time with my ex-girlfriend. We had been together for a while and I had not given her any gifts in a while, such as flowers or something that she said she had wanted. So a couple days after the comment was made, I went out and got her a Cinderella doll she had made a comment that she wanted (she is a doll collector). I brought it home for her, and while she was glad to receive the gift, I could tell something was not right. She said that while she appreciated the gift, she felt I only got it for her because of the comment she had made several days earlier. I maintained that it was the thought that counted, and that the comment may have reminded me that I had not done anything nice for her in a while. She said that if I had to be reminded to do anything nice for her, then she must not mean that much to me. We went back and forth for a while, and the argument seemed to have no ending. The confusing and perplexing part about this situation to me to this day is that somehow, I was made out to be the "bad guy" in this whole situation. I was the one who had made the effort to get her something that she wanted, and yet I was almost being blamed for doing this act of kindness. To this day, I have never solved this conflict in my mind, and I probably never will, seeing that we are no longer together. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike? #2. In general I feel the opposite sex is compassionate and nurturing,, they for the most part are good communicators, and how they appreciate the little things in life. I think when it comes to dislike about the opposite sex is the way they overanalyze everything, how they can be somewhat manipulative to men and each other, and how their moods change all the time. #2. I love the way one can bond withe the opposite sex at a level not possible with the same sex. Both spiritually and intellectually. But I dislike the manner that women expect a relationship to be intense all of the time. #2. I like really cute girls who are down-to-earth. I can be feeling miserable and cranky, and if I see a beautiful girl with a great smile, the whole world around me can change. I like girls that know how to talk about themselves, without being too egregious and exasperating. I like a girl with a good sense of humor, but can be serious and smart, too. Brains are a turn-on, if she's really talented with a particular professional skill or hobby, I am easily won over. And most of all, I like girls that are athletic -I can see if she's athletic by checking out her legs and by observing the way she dresses. #2. I like how women have a certain capacity to understand and comprehend men, women genuinely listen to your problems and offer suggestions or counseling which is carefully thought out and directed to help you overcome or at least console you in your grievances. I like how women take pleasure in the small things that seem to bring a smile to their face. I like how women can be comforting in the worst of times, when I feel like the world is folding under my feet, they have a certain way of reinforcing that everything is going to be all right. What I don't like about women is how picky they can be about certain things, such as clothing. They always think they look ugly or fat when they actually look beautiful. I don't like the way women try to explain something and it takes ten times as long as it should. They fill in all the unnecessary details and must describe the whole setting in order to have to story complete. #2. In general I like the way women are sensitive, caring, and nurturing. When a man is feeling down, women always know the right thing to say to make a guy fell better. Also, I love that women are always cheerful and peppy. Over all women have a much more positive attitude than men do. Women seriously complete men and make them whole. I love the fact that women help men to express their emotions better. I feel much more comfortable talking to a woman about my emmotions than with another guy in general. For some reason it is much easier to list traits that you don't like about the oppoite sex rather than traits you do like about the opposite sex. I really hate womens mood swings. I understand that mood swings are part of womens everyday life and I will have to learn to deal with that since I will someday marry a woman and live with her for the rest of mylife. At the time being however, it is extremely difficult to deal with womens's mood swings. Also, I dislike when women gossip. Women talk behind each others backs and gossip 10 times more than men. I really don't nderstand why that is, there is really no need for that at all. #2. Of females, I appreciate their ability not to limit themselves to one task or area of interest at a time. Men have a tendency to block out all stimuli not pertinent to their immediate course of action. In doing this they often miss the essence of what they are doing. I find females, for the most part, to remain intimately attached to their motives and feelings often allowing the act to become more important than the goal of the act. As a result, they usually enjoy themselves more. Though they reap more enjoyment from certain things, they also have a proclivity towards interdependence that males are not taught to foster. Whether the source is innate or conditioned, the pattern people pleasing and finding strength in agreement seems to reside more with females than males. This creates communication difficulties because the socialization patterns are different. #2. I love a woman's nurturing, and caring attitude, and I think that that is found a bit more in women, but I would like the same characteristic in a male. One thing that does sometimes bother me about the opposite sex is that they let their emotions govern their their thoughts and actions to a point of debilitation. #2. Generally I like girls for their; -Compassion for people. For instance they just take hearing bad news to heart more ( or I just think most guys are fake about that kind of news like they show just enough sorrow not to look bad.), like if people are missing or found dead a girl will show honest compassion for that person or family. Maybe it's that they can put themselves into other people's shoes easier. -Gentleness. Their just so soft and nice. But beyond that they just don't wish harm on most people. Maybe their feelings can be hurt easier so they're more careful not to hurt other people. But when I say that I'm excluding friendships between girls but I'll get to that in the next section. -Smell. When you pick up a girl and she first gets into the car the way the inside of the car instantly smells nice, like if you held shampoo up to your nose in the shower, or if your showering with a girl. . .that's nice. Part 2. Generally I dislike girls when; -They reject me, for obvious reasons. -They are very cold and down right mean to other girls at times. If a guy comes into a room filled with other guys he'll presume that every one is cool tell they say or do something that shows differently. Girls just presume that the other girls are bitches tell that's proved wrong. For example I was at my apartment with a group of girls and another group of girls said that they were coming over. When they got their none of the girls talked to any of the stranger girls at all. For ten minutes nothing was said between them tell finally the first group got up and left. -The way status effects how they see guys. Now girls might think that guys are pigs for looking at girls the way we do but the way I see it is that were completely fair with each girl. If you're a beautiful woman then you're a beautiful woman whether your famous or not, or rich or poor, or whatever. Girls seem to be attracted to movie stars or rock stars or the captain of the football team or just guys with some sort of status. Why? Besides that label he's just some other dude. #2. I like a woman's physical beauty, her caring, her emotions, appreciation of the little things (flowers, candy), her nurturing side, her softness. I dislike the jealousies, the overemotional tendencies at times, her ability to turn a little thing into something big (at least in my mind). --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTIION #3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex? #3. What I think the opposite sex misunderstands about my sex is what we mean when we do things and the way we act. For example if I may appear to be down or acting strange it is riot an indicator of me being upset with the person I am around. If I don't call someone back it is not because I don't like you or that I don't care about you it probably means I just plain forgot, couldn't find your number, or worse of all I couldn't get to a phone. #3. Women have trouble understanding the competitive nature of men. #3. Most girls think we're dimwitted and slow about certain things, i.e., relationships. Most girls think we don't know how to take a hint, but if a guy is not picking up on something a girl wants, maybe he is pretending to be dumb and doesn't want to be hassled. Being hassled is not very appealing. #3. I don't think that women understand that males cannot always be that sweet caring person they fell in love with all the time, it is just too exhausting. Yes,there are times when males should try to be more thoughtful and caring, but to expect males to continuously do this is almost impossible. #3. Women most misunderstand men's method of communication. Guys bond in much different ways than women. Women hate that men like to sit in front of the TV with their friends and watch Monday night football or other sporting events. What women can't comprehend is that men bond through watching sporting events together. Men are able to talk to one another about the teams or players they enjoy watching just like women lik to talk to one another about girl stuff. Sports play a major factor in the brotherhood of all males, and women haveto understand that. Men don't simply watch tv to watch tv, well sometmes. but a lot of times it is easier for guys to talk about sports to one another rather than deep emmotional topics. Also, women misunderstand guys reasoning. Men in general, are rational thinkers, whereas women are not always quite as rational. Women need to understand that if they tell a guy no, then most men will believe she means no. However a lot of women who say no actually mean maybe or even yes. This is extremely confusing for rational men such as myself. How are we to know what the mean? #3. Females have a tendency to misunderstand when and for what reasons males are excited and amused. They have a resistance to the male sense of humor. For instance, a boy and girl are watching a slapstick comedy and the lead actor falls down a flight of stairs. The boy will be more likely to laugh where as the girl will be more likely to open her eyes wide and cover her mouth as if to say "didn't that hurt?" I find that more often than not my sense of humor and amusement is mistaken for cruelty or desensitization by the opposite sex. This may in turn lead them to false conclusions about my sensitivity or character. #3. I think that the one thing that is most misunderstood by women is the sexual drive of a male. I think that a male can be totally in love, yet still want sexual variety. While this also happens in females, I have found it much more rare. I think that women have less of an ability to separate sex and love, where as a male sees them to be two separate entities that sometimes meet. #3. That all or most men are uncaring or have no feelings. I know more guys that have wanted to just curl up and die because some girl is driving him crazy with her behavior towards him. Just because we don't jabber on and on about our feelings doesn't mean we have no feelings. #3. It seems the most misunderstood thing about men by women is our ability to place importance on a single event, especially sports. Any woman I have been with does not understand how I make it a point to be home, in front of the T.V. for the big game. They say that they do not see how I can sit in front of the T.V. for three hours, and get so emotionally involved in a game that I am not even playing in, or know someone that is playing in it. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.? #4. When I find myself Beirut, very attracted to the opposite sex it usually is a combination of physical attraction and their personality. I find that I am initially attracted by physical attraction but for myself to reach the level of very attracted I have to be able to talk to a person and connect with their personality. #4. What attracts me is a women that is completely different from me. In any facet, her personality to her physical apperance. #4. I recall when a long period passed where I didn't like anyone. Then one day, I saw my dream girl. She was so perfect, it was too good to be true. She was blonde, blue-eyed with a cute smile and was totally athletic - she used to always wear Addidas sportswear and really sweated at the gym (sweat is a turn-on), yet she could totally turn around and put on a dress and a skirt and dark sunglasses, and become totally ladylike. I like the glamorous exterior and the hot sweaty babe within. She was so perfect, I was afraid of making any move - I didn't want to set myself up for a disappointment. Then she came onto my friend (who rejected her advances). Now that I've gotten to know her, I realize how cool she is and we have become friends.Sometimes I want to be more than friends.I'm too afraid of ruining any friendship, though. #4. It is a series of characteristics that attracts me to a woman. What attracts me to women at first is physical appearance. If the woman is responsive and intelligent then this is the second characteristic, she can't just sit there like a rock and expect to get anything in return. Third is sort of a more general category, it is a combination of her awareness of certain things, her acceptance of my friends and family and her basic knowledge. #4. Women in general, I would say are better looking than men are. In the past I was extremely attracted to a certain female, there were many qualities, which attracted me to her. First of all, the way she dressed and smelled everyday was a big turn on. She would wear cute sexy skirts that were just short enough to show a lot of leg but not too short were it looked slutty in any way. Everyday she would wear junniper breeze perfume to thepoint that any time I would smell junniper breeze perfume I would instantly think of her. In addition to her physical traits this girl was very intelligent and complex in her personality. She constantly kept me guessing and was always spontaneous, which is what really attracted me to her. I hate girls who are superficial and this girl was completely forward and honest. Nothing is sexier than someone who is real. #4. In instances of attraction, the first thing I notice is usually body language and the way a girl looks. As they don't just walk up and tell you their life story, it becomes important to me very quickly exactly what they do tell me. I am usually keen to insightful, probing, and even ironic statements. This gets my attention even more than flattering attire. The final clincher is the eyes. If I can't see that she is looking back at me, I usually lose interest. #4. I think that the first thing that I noticed was the stature. By this I mean the confidence level, intellect, appearance, style, and mannerisms that she emanates. #4. The first thing that attracts me to a girl is her appearance, but I find most women attractive so that doesn't matter too much. Beyond that she needs to have a little sarcasm in her sense of humor, or a touch on the ironical side. What J. Garofolo once said "a supporter of local music and a seeker of independent film." Not someone who decides to buy a vest because a company that owns both Old Navy and the Gap puts out a commercial on both advertising how vests are now "in." She should have a strong smile and an infectious laugh; her presence just seems to lighten the mood of the room. Most importantly she should be incredibly cute with a happy heart and a thoughtful mind. That's all. Oh, and it's nice when she likes me as well. That's a good thing. #4. Characteristics that attracted me to that person included physical appearance. She had physical attributes which I consider to be appealing and desirable for someone I would want to be intimate with in the future. She was very outgoing socially, and seemed to have a lot of friends. She was also very nice to me when I finally did get up the nerve to speak with her and try to get to know her. One characteristic she had that I will not forget was the way she smiled during our conversations. It was very warm and inviting and made me feel comfortable to be around her and made me feel even more attracted to her. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex? #5. I think the opposite sexes strengths and weaknesses parallel what I like and dislike about them. For instance I think one of their greatest strengths is how they can be so nurturing tor person if you are down they can help you but in the same instance they may overanalyze something and try to console you when there really is no reason, What women need to realize is that if a guy wants to talk about something he will. That is another weakness I sometimes see in women is the way they will not always come out and say what they are really thinking or t'eeling. For example when a girl will be crying and carrying on like her best friend had died and you ask her what is wrong and they say ''nothing" that makes me mad. If I am that upset about something I will let them know what is going on. #5. A womens strength is the ability to bond and share intimate thoughts with others more readily than a man can. But a weaknes exists as women take it to personal when such a bond is broken with someone. #5. Girls are so entertaining.Girls can be more fun than anything, and you can talk to them about things you can't talk about with guys. This is all when you get to know them.Before you know any girl, they play mind games and they can be kind of superficial, too. What I hate most are conceited girls who are lazy and go through life using people. Those kind of girls aren't fun at all. #5. Strengths of women are that they are physically attractive, they are more intricate and often more mysterious than men, and they provide an understanding where men can find condolence and sympathy. Weakness of women are that they often get emotionally charged by the smallest of things, women think men see women as only objects and not as an equal, women assume that men understand what they are talking about when men really at times don't have the slightest idea. #5. The number one strength of women is there ability to express their emmotions. Men have to go to therapy or special classes in order to learn how to express their true emmotions, but women can easily express themselves even if they are not in the company of close friends. I would have to say that this is also a major weakness for women. Sometimes women can be way to emmotional and not know when to hold back. Women on a whole, I believe cry way too often. There is a time and a place for everything and womens emmotions sometimes get in the way of thinking rationally. Friends of mine who are women have admitted that women think on a spur of the moment basis many times on purely how they feel at that particular moment, which is a definite weakness. #5. Because males have been defined as "doers" in the eyes of western consequentialism, females are left with more time to perfect the subtleties of being. As a result, females tend to be better listeners and nurturers. Whether instinctual or learned, females in general have more of an ability to put their own emotions and thoughts aside and truly empathize with another person. Females seem to find their downfall in defining their identity in reference to others rather than themselves. This seems to be partially a function of their innate empathetic abilities. Because they do truly give up parts of themselves to understand parts of others, some of their identity is lost and they find themselves clinging to others to give them meaning. This is why independence is so important in feminist liberation ideology. #5. I find that women will let their emotions take over their logic. This is both a strength, and a weakness, for it depends on how the individual manipulates this attribute. #5. The strengths of females are; their ability to lift your spirits just with their presence, their warmness towards the world, their personable conversationalists, their giddy laughter (because coming from a guy giddy tends to look gay), their patients with time, their calming voices, their nurturing nature (try saying that 10 times), and their beautiful smiles to name a few. The weakness of females are; their easily offended (and not just with things that to protein to her), their ability to turn one stupid little comment into this huge thing, their strong sense of the details without looking at the final goal or the over all picture, their overly worrisome, their ability to make the worst decision when dealing with their personal life, and their indecisiveness about the present. #5. The strengths of the female include her organization skills. She is able to take on a multifaceted project and plan it and complete it with success. Her nurturing ways; the way she can make me feel comfortable when I am down or sad about something. She I very easy to talk to about anything at all. Her weaknesses include being overly emotional at people or situations. She can also be very jealous when she feels threatened by another female. She can be very narrow minded when you do not see her point of view or do not understand her. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened. #6. The only instances I can think of is when I had a female teacher that somewhat favored the girls in our class. It would be little things like praising them more, calling on them more, being nore critical of the men in the class, it really was not anything to drastic. I mean I survived without to much emotional scarring. #6. The only women that treat me unfairly are the ones from my own race. They are quick to categorice anybody from the same ethnic background. #6. I have been treated unfairly by girls. Recently, my friend tried to "set me up" with a freshman girl. We had a totally cool half-hour conversation on the phone.Then when I asked her if she wanted to go out, she totally took it the wrong way - like I'm the older college guy just trying to use a freshman girl.What I really meant was I just wanted to hang out. I was doing this as a favor for my friend because, at the beginning, I was asked to show this girl around campus when school started.That's all.She has avoided me altogether, now. #6. My girlfriend gets jealous when I talk to other women, even if it totally on a platonic level. I talk to women to get their opinion on a subject or idea and my girlfriend jumps to the conclusion that we are flirting with each other and becomes jealous and an argument ensues. #6. Women many times expect men to know what they are thinking or why the are acting certain way but refuse to communicate the reason to men. For example, a friend of mine told me she was mad at me but would not explain the reason why. She said that I should know why I was mad at her. The way I see it was that if she told me why she was mad at me I could then resolve the situation rather than trying to guess the reason why she was mad at me in the first place. #6. As I stated earlier, females have a tendency to misunderstand the motives of male behavior. Because misinterpretation often leads to assumptive thinking, I am treated unfairly when I am in the company which is predominantly female. They second guess my decisions and discount my opinion because "I wouldn't understand." This sort of behavior is reverse sexism and it is seldom accurate. #6. I have had many instances in which I have lost the friendship of a girl because she let her emotions inter fear. I wanted to be nothing more than good friends, but in the end we could not even be friends, and I feel that we both lost out on the deal. #6. Not right now. #6. At work, there was a manager who was overly demanding in the way she treated me. It seemed to me that she was trying to prove herself or make a name for herself and she was doing it at my expense. She was overly critical of my performance and was quick to make anything I did for the company negative. I observed her treatment of female employees to be much different than how she treated other males and me in the company. -------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened. #7. There really has never been a time in which a female has treated me extra specially for the reason that I am a male. #7. Middle-aged women that I work with always gave me things or tried to buy me food. But they sneared at any young women that came near them. #7. Once in awhile a girl says "thank you." Recently, I took to girls to a concert and they thanked me like a hundred times. "Thank you" was all I wanted to hear. It was nice to hear it over and over again. Or when I pick up the check while out at dinner and she says "thank you." That makes me feel appreciated. #7. I have been treated particularly well by women when they know that I have something to offer in return, if I can help them with something by they treating me well. #7. Unfortunately I can not think of a time when I was treated special by a female solely due to the fact that I am a male. I can think of times when women were very nice to me because they wanted a gift or felt guilty about something but that was not due ony to the fact that I a guy. #7. see #1 #7. I work at Jeoffrey's Malibu as a valet, and the manager is a woman named Amber. Being a valet at Jeoffreys is a very good job to have. I work four hour shifts, and get free food, and six dollars an hour. Not to mention I will walk away with at least $150 dollars in tips. The nice part is that Amber only hires guys for the position. #7. Definitely not. #7. There was a friend of a girlfriend of mine who would spend a lot of time with my girlfriend and me. Whenever we would have a discussion that attempted to resolve an issue about anything- politics, relationships, school, etc.- she would always take my side and see my point of view. My girlfriend would get frustrated by this and would write it off as that she had a crush on me. She chose never to make an issue of it with her friend, and I always said I did not really notice her friend's biased behavior. It was never a big issue in our relationship, but it was nice to know that if we were discussing an issue, I would always have at least one person seeing my point of view. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way? #8. The only time I was ever really rejected was when I was in sixth grade. I had a really big crush on a girl and she didn't like me back. She really was not rude or inconsiderate in fact as most sixth grade crushes go I never even talked to her. I talked to her friend who talked to her who then in turn told me she didn't want to have a boyfriend. Either way l was still upset probably for the better half of the afternoon, then I went to Little League practice and everything was forgotten about. #8. Once I tried to talk to someone at a restaurant. I wasn't trying to pick her up or anything of that manner but she just glared at me and choose not to speak. I guess she couldn't be anymore considerate, if you don't want to talk don't. #8. Freshman year of college I tried asking this Gucci-queen girl to go out with me. What was I thinking? She's totally shallow and rude. She told me she had a boyfriend in Colorado. She blushed.Okay, that's fine.But whenever I saw her after that, she avoided me. That hurt. Just because she has a boyfriend does that mean chit-chat is out of the picture? She wouldn't even say hello, to me. I totally don't like material girls, anymore. She's not athletic at all, and today, that is the kind of girl I really want. #8. One time when I was attracted to a certain woman, she knew that I was attracted to her but didn't tell me that she didn't feel the same. Instead she kept my aspirations high and that's all. She just was sort of there, until my interest faded and I got tired of courting her. I felt kind of dumb for not being more straight forward and direct, but I realized that it takes time and patience and most of all both parties have to feel the same. I don't think that she was rude, it was just that she didn't feel the same and didn't know how to let me down easy. #8. I can think of several instances when a woman has rejected me. I was very good friends with a girl and we had been seeing a lot of each other for a period of about 2 months when I decided I did not want to be friends anymore and would ask her out. She stopped me and informed me that she did not want a relationship and just wanted to be friends. Which was a nice way of saying she did not want me to go out with her or be her boyfriend. I was extremely hurt by the whole situation mainly because we were such good friends. I don't really think there is an easy way to tell someone that you don't like them or don't want to date them other than simply being honest with the person. The girl hurt me but I was definitely glad she did not lead me on. #8. On the subject of female rejection, I have a few complaints. I can recall several circumstances in which I had more interest in a particular female than she had in me. This is bound to happen and I have no objection to being told this in a way which is respectful and direct. Sadly I find the case to be the opposite most of the time. Too often I have probed a female who has rejected me only to find that they felt they had been "dropping hints" or attempting to let me know in some more subtle way, like not calling back. The objection I have is that females assume that it is kinder not to be confrontational. Though it might be a harsher sting, I can guarantee most males prefer a direct statement to "hints". #8. I am not an aggressive kind of guy, so the closest thing I can think of to this would be that I have had girls dance away from me at clubs. #8. Over this past summer I met a girl out at a bar, which is weird in itself because as far as I'm concerned people really don't meet in bars, but anyways we were talking for a while and at the end of the night we fucked . . .well okay we just exchanged numbers and she said to call her. So that's what I did and we got together for lunch. Conversation was good again and again she said to call her, so again I did. Only this time she said how she wasn't looking for anything but we could still hang out as friends and she hoped she wasn't leading me on. Well of course she was leading me on. But it wasn't like I was crazy for her or thought it was just the greatest so that let down was fine. No hard feelings really. #8. Her rejection of me was not flat out rude- she did not ignore me or anything- but it was insensitive and inconsiderate. I was very attracted to her and pursued her with great zeal; writing her many letters and placing many phone calls letting her know of my desire to get to know her better. She always had an excuse, but it took me a long time to give up. I am a very persistent person and I guess I felt that eventually she would be flattered by the attention I was paying to her and go out with me. Then one day, my pride started getting to me, and I decided that there were plenty of girls who would go out with me if I just asked once, so I started asking them out. It made me feel down and it lowered my self-esteem a little at the time, but I got over it and decided that it was her loss and not mine in the long run. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again. How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances: QUESTION #9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go? #9. First of all I don't think one can ever take it as far as they want to go but it has been my experience that if you want to progress physically you have to make it very special for the other person. You have to make them want to be physical with you not you getting what they want. I have always moved somewhat slowly and in that way a person does not feel you are only after a physically inspired relationship. #9. I would never influence someone to become intimate. #9. I want to find an secluded park up in the canyons, at night when it's chilly. We could cuddle and then start kissing when the moments right. Sometimes a little alcohol is nice - a chilled glass of white wine sets the mood. If she were to refuse, I'd probably get bored of her and dump her. If I really wanted to be forward, I'd take her into my bedroom to begin massage sessions - if she was uninterested, than she probably is boring sexually. I'd probably get bored of her and dump her. #9. I would tell them that I am really attracted to them and ask if they feel the same. If she felt the same I think that I would take her hand in mine to assure her that she is safe and that I am there for her. #9. First of all this date would have to be at night in order to create a more romantic mood. The next thing I would do would be to take the girl out to a romantic dinner and maybe a movie that was more of a love story or a horror flick, that way if she got scared she could grab onto me for protection. After the movie we would go walking on the beach together underneath the moonlight. While we were walking I would complement her on what she was wearing or how beautiful she was, but not in a cheesy way which would seem like I was using a cheap line on her. Last I would stop and look out over the ocean and attempt to hold her hand in mine. If she does not mind this, I would look her straight in the face and tell her that I have really enjoyed the past few dates and all the time that we have been spending together and would love to spend everyday and night with her. I would then attempt to kiss her depending on how well everything fell into place. #9. Females need to be relaxed to be turned on, this much is reducible to analysis of sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. In order to elevate the level of sexual intimacy with a female, it is first necessary to move the date to a more private location. So here I might suggest changing venue to a beach or "going for a drive". From the degree of enthusiasm noted from the response to such a suggestion, one can usually ascertain whether the female would also like to elevate the level of intimacy. This process continues with bolder and bolder steps, until the desired level of intimacy is reached or a rejection is given. Key, however, is the fact that the female must feel as though she is initiating so there is a focus on subtle "hint" interpretation. #9. I would begin to show disinterest, and this would give them a chance to think about how they would like to direct the relationship. Of course this would be done prior to the date, and on the date I would just go out and have a great time with her. I would put no pressure on her, just have fun and see what happens. If we progress great, if not then we could be friends, and there are millions of other girls in LA. If you just keep waiting it gets awkward. #9. The easiest way to initiate physical acts is if the two of you are alone and just sitting around hanging out. Watching a movie of something. That way you can just sit close tell finally your leaning on each other and then when it feels right you can lean in for the kiss. From their you just have to try and read what's pushing it a little too far. Either that or get her piss drunk and convince her it was great in the morning. #9. I would attempt to hold her hand when we were sitting or standing side by side. If we were driving, at the movies, or at a restaurant, I would pick the moment and make my move. If her response to my initial move was positive- meaning she did not pull her hand away or tell me she was not interested in me in a romantic way- then I would take the natural progression in the sequence. Next would be an arm around the shoulder, if that went well, then a quick peck on the lips, and then-who knows??? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual? #10. I would simply tell the other person that I was not interested in any sort of relationship on that level and that I thought it would be better if we were just friends. I think honesty is usually the best policy in matters of the heart. I would either do that or excuse myself to go to the restroom and get the heck out of there as fast as I cant (just kidding). #10. I would fart or do something disgusting to g her. If she stays it was meant to be. #10. I'd stay in a public place. I'd take her to a noisy mall or a stupid movie with lots of action with little romantic subplot. When we get back in the car to go home, I'd yawn and tell her I have to be up early tomorrow morning. I'd make another date in the daylight to tell her I think it should be over, or I'd tell over the telephone, if appropriate. #10. I would tell them that I am not ready for this and that I think we should wait for a little while and not rush into anything, if they still needed clarification I would suggest that we sit down and talk about how things are going and what we expect from each other. #10. If I was on a date with a girl and was not physically attracted to her and had a feeling she was attracted to me. I would definitely avoid being alone with the girl as much as possible. I would take her out to a very public place and try to keep the conversation light; mostly small talk. If worse came to worse and I felt that she was going to try to say something about going out together or ask me if I liked her physically, I would immediately change the subject or even brng up another girl that I liked. So as that way she understood I was interested in someoe else or more importantly that I was not interested in her. #10. If it is clear that a female is more interested in me than I am in her, I usually attempt to break form conversational topics which might lead them to believe that I agree with them on anything. Usually if a female is contradicted repetitively, she loses interest. If this doesn't work, I move on to initiating distant behavior such as standing off, or walking ahead. Only as a last resort, do I come to rejectionary conversation such as "I really like you as a friend, but." or "I really like hanging out with you, but." #10. I would tell her I am not attracted to her, but I would have known this after about a day. #10. Simply not be close with her. Don't lean in to speak with her, don't laugh too much at her jokes, don't get yourself in a position where your alone with her. Keep the date out on the town, and at the end of the night give her a hug and tell her you had a nice time. #10. I would not allow them the opportunity to initiate physical intimacy of any kind. I would try to keep the date active (sports such as tennis or hiking tend to keep you at a distance from the person). Also, this would be good because who wants to be hugging or kissing when you are both all sweaty?? ----------------------------------------------------------------- SENTENCE COMPLETION For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it. QUESTION #11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when... #11. You become close to a different girl, I think women are more jealous when you are friends with a girl than rather if you just stare at a cute girl walking by. #11. If you pay attention to someone else while in her company. #11. The opposite sex is insanely jealous whenever she finds me talking to another girl. Their pride hurts - now they want my attention. It's only a matter of decision whether or not I feel I want to give her my attention. In addition, if I have a girlfriend, she's insanely jealous if I'm talking to another girl, even if she is strictly a friend and nothing more. I can't believe how some girls don't trust you. When there is a lack of trust,I get really fed up with that kind of behavior - fast. #11. I talk to other women even if it is about things irrelevant to having a relationship. When women jump to the conclusion that just because I am talking to other women that I am interested in having a relationship with them. #11. When a guy talks to another girl or even goes out with another girl, even if they are just really good friends. If a girl likes a guy and the guy acts like he is interested in her but does not make any real commitmet to her and then goes out and talks to another female, women get very jealous. #11. I pay more attention to another form of stimulus than I do to them. (i.e. video games, other males, other females) #11. when you do not give them enough attention. #11. . . you want to hang out with your buddies instead of her. #11. they feel threatened by someone of their sex that they feel is more attractive than they are and this person is giving signals that they are physically attracted to you. ----------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex... #12. is usually passive and timid in making the first move. You usually have to send out some sort of indication that you are willing and wanting to reciprocate the sexual feeling. #12. Always initiate first. #12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex puts her arms around me and pulls me forward tighter. At times, it seems girls are thinking about sex more than me. In addition to my experience, girls like receiving massages as a prelude to heavy kissing. Which is fine by me. #12. Doesn't say what they find most appropriate and not appropriate during that first time. Many times it is quiet and hush hush. #12. Is very shy and playfull. When dating or basically anytime when intiating sexualty for the first time, women often are shy and somewhat playful. #12. generally expects me to make the first move, #12. needs to be more aggressive. Males have no problem speaking up and saying no, but the chances are he will not want to say anything at all. #12. . .waits for you to do something. #12. expects me to be the initiator. With few exceptions, I have found this to be the case. --------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #13. The opposite sex seems clueless about... #13. driving and how they interpret men's behavior. We are usually just upset by how you are driving. #13. Men need to compete with other men. #13. The opposite sex seems clueless about figuring out the right way to touch me. Some girls are way to rough - they try to damn hard. A little bit slow and gentle is nice before getting into rough play. Like a fine wine, it should be slowly sipped and tingly tasted. #13. What men really are looking for when it is not sex as everyone thinks, but rather something more meaningful and committed. #13. Cars and driving. Women do not know anything about cars or about driving cars well. This sounds like a stereotype, but it is the truth. #13. comprehending the pleasure mutual independence without competition. #13. nothing, I would not hang out with clueless people. #13. . .how much they drive us crazy. #13. Hanging out with your friends, just for the purpose of talking with others, having a few beers, and having a good time doing "nothing." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ QUESTION #14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex... #14. enjoys,I would say women for the most part still want a guy to be romantic, bring her flowers, open doors, and pull out chairs. Most women seem to look at romance as a movie they all want to feel like they are stars in one and are being swept off their feet by Mr. Right. What they don't understand is guys can only be romantic to a certain level it has to end somewhere, there is only so much you can do. #14. Doesn't desire as much as they say they do. #14. Being romantic is something the opposite sex takes for granted.God, it should be a special moment - but most girls are expecting it. I don't like that at all. Not every moment can be romantic - as a guy, I say don't rush romance. Let it unfold naturally at time and places you would least expect it. #14. Puts too much emphasis on. There are times when spontaneity is the most fulfilling and enjoyable way to go. Not having anything planned for romance leave all doors open and a wider angle to approach the situation. #14. Something the opposite sex is very good at. Being romantic is something every woman thinks about and is what every women wishes men were better at. Women love romance. #14. has a different conception of than males. #14. needs to take into their own hands more. Take charge ladies. #14. . .expects and should (to a certain degree). #14. Places too much importance on. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by... #15. examining, how they act around other girls, how they act around their parents, and most importantly how they act around them. #15. Putting them in situations where a choice must be made. #15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by scolding us guys, by dumping our material belongings all over the place or smearing food on the wall just to make a point. Girls can be so vindictive. Guys can apologize over and over again, and girls don't care. They just want to make things angry, and when things are angry things are unpleasant, and when things are unpleasant it makes me rigid, and when I am rigid I find it real hard to find the capacity for love. All I want from a girl is love, why is she being so hateful and vindictive? It gets me mad, and the relationship doesn't last too much longer after that. #15. Instigating a disagreement and then seeing what kind of reaction they get out of it.If the relationship is worth it then they will stay, if not, then their actions will do the taking. #15. By introducing her to his friends, family, and the ultimate test of course is the door test. Every boyfriend puts his girlfriend to the friends test to see how she will react to his friends ifshe hates them or can't get along with them will definitely affect the relationship down the road. The same thing goes for the family as well. The ultimate test however, is the door test. Every guy knows of the door test. If a guy opens the door for a girl and walks around the back of the car and the girl does not unlock the door by the time the guy gets to his door she fails and it is all over. #15. inventing situations where the other partner must choose whether their partner is more or less important than an alternate piece of stimulation. #15. making me get tested. #15. . .torturing you slowly and painfully with small comments that seem to add up to her saying "why can't you read my mind!?" Even if she doesn't even know what it is you should be reading. #15. Seeing how far they can push certain issues, such as how close they can be with other friends of their opposite sex. This is a test because it lets them see how much you will put up with before protesting. It sort of sets up a "freedom barrier" in the relationship, determining how much freedom you will let them have with members of the opposite sex. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to... #16. anything they feel they are not treated equally in. To be honest I don not think it is a major concern of the opposite sex. #16. Doing physical work. Such as fixing cars. #16. Doing the dirty work and the physical duties. #16. Men taking care of newborn children. I believe women do want men to have an active part in raising children, but intially when a child is first born I believe women do really want the father to nurture or care for the child. After carrrying the infant for 9 months the woman bcomes very attached to the child and views it as hers rather tha ours. #16. independence and physical strength. #16. romanticism #16. Working.They want enough freedom to work, but they do not want the responsibility of having to do a budget, or to pay the bills, or to figure out how to make ends meet when times are tough. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex... #17. is very good at. They like everyone to know that you are theirs and they make sure that no other girls move in on their territory. #17. Thrives on. #17. Needs to control.Just like they don't want to be controlled or seen as an object, neither do men. #17. Need to hold back on. Women become very possesive of their boyfriends or guy friends, which gets annoying. Women have to learn to let go easier. #17. tend to make more a part of their identity than males do. #17. as well as the male sex needs to get over! #17. Places a lot of value in. They want to let the world know what belongs to them and it needs to be marked that way. When it is marked and it still does not stop someone from intruding on their "property," many times "insane jealousy" will follow. ------------------------------------------------------------ QUESTION #18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex... #18. is very good at it. They know how to use what they has e got to get what they want and as a guy it usually is pretty hard to resist the temptations women like to put in front of us. #18. Has a full deck. #18. Has to have more self-confidence. They have to stop thinking that they look bad because they don't. #18. Are much better off. When it comes to physical attractiveness, women by far are on a whole much more attractive than men. Women definitely got the better end of the stick on that one. #18. has a greater range of possible rendering. By this I mean that females, on the whole, are more attractive, and males are more swayed by beauty. The combination of these two factors creates a paradigm which makes males seem superficial. #18. est tres belle. #18. Does not place enough value in it. They overlook it for many other qualities, and are willing to sacrifice it for these qualities. --------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex... #19. cares about to a certain extent. They would all like to have it but for most of them I don't think it is their number one priority, I would say it was third or fourth. #19. Desire more than men do. #19. Need to stop viewing as a priority and seeing it as something that would be nice to have, but is not necessary. #19. Worry about much later on in life about. Women are concerned about money and status much later in life than men. Women are more concerend with other issues. #19. subconsciously attribute self-knowledge and personal power to. Therefore women seem to be attracted to rich and powerful men rather than just attractive men. #19. like as much as we do. #19. Places too much value in. -------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex... #20. is not honest with you. #20. Says one thing and does another. #20. Misunderstands men and what they are really trying to say or do. Try to act like some things don't really matter, but in reality they really do care. #20. When a female leads a guy on. I hate it when women lie and purposely lead guys on even though they really don't like the guy in a physical way at all. It is like it is a big game to them. #20. assumes I wouldn't understand because I'm a guy. #20. victimize themselves. #20. Does not listen to me or respect my wishes when I make requests in a relationship. This is dealing with issues of respect for each other in the relationship I am in. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #21. I feel best about the opposite sex when... #21. when they are genuine and act naturally. #21. Turns down the popular guy and goes out with the geek. #21. We can see eye to eye and agree in unison on things and we can sit back and enjoy each other and each others company. #21. When I have a deep emmotional conversation with them. I feel close to women after havng a deep emmotional converstion with them. #21. they use their empathy to help me understand a new part of myself. #21. I am with my girlfriend, for then I am reassured that there are some extraordinary women out there. #21. They surprise me. Not just with gifts or material things, but with anything they do that I was not expecting.