WOMEN, FALL 04 HOMEWORK INSTRUCTIONS Due date: One week from Thursday (Worth 3 points). YOUR NAME: _________________________________ Read the attached comments about the opposite sex written by the females in this class (or by females in other sections of this course). Answer the following questions (your answers need not be typed--you can write on this sheet if you wish). Indicate the page number and area of the page where the comment can be found (e.g., column 1 or 2; top, middle or bottom of the column). You will discuss your reactions in small groups during the next class session. Which of the written comments made by the females: 1. ...was written so well or eloquently, or addressed such a personal issue, that it evoked a sincere sense empathy in you? 2. ...disturbed and/or upset you, and why? 3. ...honestly revealed something about female perceptions, feelings or thoughts that you suspect that they generally might be very reluctant to admit to if their comments were not anonymous. 4. ...seemed to be a particularly good example of one of the robust gender differences predicted by evolutionary psychology. 5. ...that you found, in general, surprising and/or particularly interesting. ----------------------------------------------- QUESTION #1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling. #1 All of my male friends always seem to say that they choose girls based on personality rather than looks and that they like it when a girl doesn't let them go far sexually too soon. However, at the same time when we are out in a social setting or discussing women that they would date it all revolves around physical attributes and has nothing to do with personality. Also I have many male friends that would stop seeing a woman if she told them that she planned on remaining a virgin until they are married. My issue is not the decisions that they are making. My confusion is why they aren't more honest about what they really want from a relationship. If all they are looking for is someone with good looks then they should just come out and say it rather than pretending that they want something else. #1 I'm deeply puzzled why men choose to lie, especially when more than one woman is involved. I suppose it's the dishonesty of "cheating". I'm compelled to believe this is a function of their gender based on the mixed messages men receive from society. The behaviors included: sneaking, lying, and manipulation/deceit. While, the cognitions/motives are it feeds their egos, selfishness, greed and competitive spirits. Similarly, their puzzling emotions were the lack of remorse and dedication to continue the games or lies even after being caught. #1 It is puzzling to me why a guy would rather hang with his guy friends than hang out with his girlfriend. In the situation that I am describing is that a friend of mine was supposed to talk on the phone with his girlfriend, however, he was invited by his friends to go and play football. So, he went to play with his friends and did not call his girlfriend until later that night leaving her waiting. Why is it that they cannot balance the talking to their girlfriend and hanging with their friends especially, if they have not talked to their girlfriend all day long, but have hung with their friends all day? I definitely feel that this is a reflection of how men are because they have an overwhelming need to put women aside. Selfish! #1 I recently had an experience with a male that I can't seem to understand. This young man and I have been platonic friends for quite some time now and spend a reasonable amount of time together. We went camping a few weeks ago with a large group of friends and one of the nights we were there we ended up being the last to people awake. After talking for a while he confessed that he had been attracted to me since we met and was interested in trying to change the nature of our relationship into a romantic one. He went into great detail about his feelings and I was responsive to him, admitting that I had liked him also. The next morning he acted as if nothing had ever happened and has not mentioned it since. It seemed that he was being honest with me that night and he was being very emotionally expressive, which is unusual for him. It seems to me that he was being honest that night, but I question what changed his thinking. I am unsure whether her changed his mind or if he is just afraid to open up again. It was like he was a faucet that night that had been turned on and now he has been completely turned off. #1 When women get ready before we go out they take an enormous amount of time preparing and putting on makeup. I think this is because it is very important to them. #1.) My ex boyfriend always got upset when I would want to just stay home and relax with my friends or go over to their house and just talk. I would always invite him to come but he never wanted to. He said he was angry that I didn't spend that much time with him and he began to get jealous. So of course I felt guilty and tried to limit that relaxation time with my friends. I never understood why he got so upset, its not like I was out with a bunch of guys or anything I was with my two best girl friends. Some times I just think guys need to be the center of their girlfriend's world. Most guys have major insecurities, sometimes I believe that they actually think to themselves, "Why is this girl with me?" This negative mindset starts eating away at their confidence if we display any type of self sufficient attitude. It just goes to show that guys can give another girl a hug or even hang out with them occasionally and most girls are secure enough with themselves to not let it bother them, but guys see it as a deliberate attempt to not be with them. My ex boyfriend knew I wasn't doing anything I wasn't suppose to yet he still had a problem with me spending some of my free time elsewhere. It's crazy though cause it didn't just bother him it really pissed him off. He would hang up the phone with me the minute I would say, "Michelle or Heather." #1 The most puzzling thing that a man has ever done to me is love me and then mistreat me. Be a Prince Charming one minute, and a complete stranger the next. This guy treated me like a queen when we went out or spent time together. But when we met at parties, it's like he didn't know me. And when we'd meet again, it was like the party never happened. He acted as though he really hadn't seen me at the party, or ignored me on purpose the night before. I believe that he was one way with his friends and another way with me. And maybe he was afraid that they'd make fun of him if they ever saw him show any type of love for me. And in order to avoid hurting me in front of them by not being loving, he avoided me instead. Which still hurt me and made me feel unloved and unwanted. #1 A man can be into a woman one second and over her in an instant. I am puzzled when a man acts one way around me and differently around my friends and his friends. Also, whether they like to admit it or not, men PMS similarly to women. #1. I have experienced a situation when my boyfriend got very drunk and began crying as soon as we were alone. He started to vent to me and tell me how he didn't feel that he was doing a good job in the leadership position that he was in, that no one liked him or appreciated him, that people actually hated him, and that he was nothing but a fat waste of space. This would not have been so puzzling to me, had he acted like this more often. How ever, all of these statements seemed to have been coming from now where. We had been dating for quite some time and he had never even slightly mentioned these sorts of things to me. Instead he had bottled them all up and tried to appear emotion-less all of the time. I believe that what happened can also be something that girls do. However, I think girls express their emotions much more frequently then guys do and that when guys finally do express them they come out in a more serious way. I believe that my boyfriend, like a typical guy, was just trying to be too strong, too frequently, and it finally caught up to him so that he had to become weak for a brief moment, even if it made him very vulnerable. #1 When I would get in fights with my boyfriend, I would call him in order to talk out the issues we were fighting about. Every time I would call he would either hang up on me or just not answer the phone. He would later tell me that he didn?t want to talk about the issue and needed time alone. To me this seemed strange because all I wanted to do was talk about the problem and solve it as soon as possible. This trait seems typical of guys because they don?t like to talk about their emotions but girls on the other hand do. #1 I find it so hard to understand when a man is persistent in getting a lady's attention at a public place or work and flirts and acts really interested. He then provides his number or asks the lady's number and never calls!! What was his intention or motivation?? Does he just count how many numbers he receives on a weekly basis or what? Is it an ego thing? #1 All of my male friends always seem to say that they choose girls based on personality rather than looks and that they like it when a girl doesn't let them go far sexually too soon. However, at the same time when we are out in a social setting or discussing women that they would date it all revolves around physical attributes and has nothing to do with personality. Also I have many male friends that would stop seeing a woman if she told them that she planned on remaining a virgin until they are married. My issue is not the decisions that they are making. My confusion is why they aren't more honest about what they really want from a relationship. If all they are looking for is someone with good looks then they should just come out and say it rather than pretending that they want something else. #1 There are many things about the opposite sex that I find puzzling and incomprehensible. However if I had to pick just one, it would be the way in which guys say things they think the girl wants to hear. I feel males will lie to avoid getting into trouble and facing a conflict. I think that most guys do not want to intentionally hurt girls, so they do not admit to certain decisions or actions they may have made. However, in the long run, most females are more hurt by the lies guys tell, rather than knowing the truth. In my opinion this is a common trait of males because they think if they do admit the truth, then the female will overreact. #1 One situation that had me puzzled was the fact that members of the male gender do not find it necessary to call one another on a regular basis to catch up and to find out how their friends are doing. They can go for weeks, even months, without having a conversation with someone that they consider a friend of theirs. I guess that they think that if they do not hear from the person than that individual is fine and that if something is wrong their friend or another mutual friend will inform the person of the problem. It amazed me how much this is in contrast to the female gender. Some female friends call each other or talk to each other every day or at least once a week. To hear of a female friend not calling one of her friends for a month is almost unheard of, but it appears to be a norm for males. It just does not seem as important to them. #1 A situation that I could not understand about the male sex was when I had spent a weekend with a guy who had been one of my best friends and we had gotten much closer than we had been before. We talked about dating and starting a relationship, but two days later he ended up hooking up with another girl right before his volleyball game while I was inside supporting his team. I didn't understand how anyone could be so inconsiderate of another person's feelings and regardless of whether or not we were going to start dating, I still felt so disrespected as one of his good friends. #1. My boyfriend completely shuts down when he is upset. Instead of addressing the situation with the person or person he is upset with, he takes it out and is moody around me. He does not have the ability to express his feelings, like most men, and instead project his anger onto me. It is confusing to me because I do not understand why he can't just address the problem outright instead of pretending to be strong and invincible. He has to fulfill the role set on him by society instead of admitting that there is a problem. #1 I don't understand why guys treat girls like they are just a game, playing for that one all important goal. Yet at a drop of a hat they will let us go. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike? #2 I like that men provide a protective role to women. Although I myself am very independent I like knowing that I have male friends around to help me. I have been in many situations where I have felt unsafe and a male has been able to fix the situation. I also like the way that men think. I am a very emotional person and sometimes when I have an issue I over complicate it, I like that I have male friends that I can go to and get a more logical interpretation of my problem. I don't like that they have issues verbalizing what they are feeling. I am a very verbal person and it makes it hard to communicate when they don't know how to express emotion. I also dislike that have trouble committing; whether that be committing to one person in a relationship or committing to plans in two weeks. #2 In general I enjoy a mans aggressive nature, his humor and playfulness along with a possessive tendency. I appreciate they tend to keep things simple and usually bring spontaneity into my life. On the other hand, I don't enjoy their lack of regard for others when things, events or people don't fit into their plan. Consequently, they'll lie or cheat to obtain things or position when they don't have to (in everything, not just relationships). #2 What I like about the opposite sex is that they take control (ie. Pay for stuff, etc.), are laid back, not into the drama, love to watch sports, bigger for added comfort, and are "Our knight and shining Armor". Dislikes include their insecurities of women making more money than them/stronger than them, their stubborn, too jealous at times, and the major fact that they cannot multi-task, but expect females to balance them and everything else. #2 I particularly like the fact that guys do not talk about each other behind each others backs as often as girls do. If a male has something to saw to another male he will say it to his face and he will not bother saying it unless it is of some importance. Women talk negatively about other women in every aspect. They talk about the way the look, their line of work and their personal life. All of these things should not make a difference unless you are being directly affected by them. What I dislike most about men in their unreliability. I understand that men do not do it intentionally, but women appreciate it if men do what they say they will do. The issue of returning phone calls particularly bothers me. It is not that hard to just call when you say you will. Women take it very personally when a phone call is not returned while guys do not even think twice about it. #2 I like that they are caring and affectionate. #2.) I like that guys are protective of their girlfriends or even female friends. When your around most of them you have this blanket of security. Guys are a lot larger than girls so if your walking to your car late at night its comforting to know you have some there to keep you safe. At times guys can be great company sweet, funny, and considerate. I like that all of my guy friends can tell when I'm upset, stressed, sad even and do everything in their power to put me in a better mood. And even at times just having a guy friend around instead of a girl is easier, at least for women. Guys kind of go with the flow and let you have your way and you don't have conflicting personalities as much as you would with a girl. However I dislike guys lay of consideration, cleanliness, and truthfulness. For example when a girl really likes a guy she can spend all day finding an outfit to wear, getting ready, and doing her hair and she feels all excited for him to see her and the when we do he doesn't even acknowledge all the work. Sometimes I think guys expect us to look like that all the time. I know I liked dressing up for my boyfriends but sometimes a compliment on our appearance would be nice to show us that you care. Also guys have multiple personalities when the are around different people. When guys are around their friends they act obnoxious or even stupid at times but then when they are with you they can but the most well put together person you have ever met. At times it's as if they are two different people entirely. Guys put a fa?ade up to their friends, they are trying to please everybody but being yourself 100% of the time would be a lot more attractive. #2 In general I like the fact that males pay for things when first meeting and going out. When going out on a first date, it is a given that the male will pay without even having to discuss it. When going out shopping with a male, usually they will pay for whatever it is you want to buy. This is especially the case if you have just been going out for a short period of time. I always try to refuse the money or the gesture, but men are pretty adamant about paying and insist until you accept. I've even tried offering to pay for a dinner, or a movie, but males have always refused. I believe this is why men are usually broke once they've entered into a relationship, but women always have money. What I dislike about the opposite sex is how unbelievably stubborn they can be. It doesn't matter how wrong they are about something they will not give in. In every relationship I've been in, once I've had an argument with a male and proven that they were at fault they will fight for their innocence to the death almost. Instead of picking up the phone and admitting they were wrong, they will sit at home sulking or be miserable for days or even weeks. They'd rather be depressed, then to pick up the phone. But once we've called them to try and makeup, they will then say their "I'm Sorry", but only once we woman have made the first move. #2 I like that men are generally physically stronger and bigger than women and protective of me. Their strength makes me feel safe and I like the comfort of a strong embrace. I also like that men are less dramatic than women. Men are more rational in most cases; men think with their minds more than their hearts on issues that need solving. I like that men aren't afraid to shake my hand firmly (I strongly despise girls with weak handshakes). I like that men aren't afraid to voice their opinions. I like that men make me laugh and like to roughhouse. I like that men aren't afraid to get dirty. I like that men can be chivalrous by opening doors, offering to pay (although I don't believe he should always pay), etc. I dislike that men are rash and insensitive. I dislike selective hearing and selective memory and that men are so scatterbrained. I dislike that men clam up when a serious conversation looms. I hate the double- standard that men can sleep with as many women as they want and be praised for it while women are called sluts. I dislike that men orgasm so quickly and fall asleep immediately after. I dislike that men cannot multitask without getting distracted by the television. I dislike that men avoid confrontation with women but jump at the chance to argue with another man. I dislike that men won't cry because society tells them not to. And just to be catty, I dislike that men leave the toilet seat up. #2. I actually hang around guys much more frequently than I do girls. I do this because I like their work ethic, their acceptance of me and others who wish to be with them, their blunt and brutally honest attitudes, their sense of humor, their emotional stability, and the drama-free atmosphere that they aim for. I also like how I don't feel like they are judging me as much as girls do, and I like how they are very individualistic (mostly). I think that there are more instances of a girl changing herself to be like her boyfriend than there are of a guy doing that sort of thing. Guys can be alone, and be okay with that. They don't need someone to accompany them to the bathroom. However, when it comes down to it, they are still very very loyal to their friends, and girlfriends or significant other. Some things that I dislike about the opposite sex are that they try to take the upper hand most of the time. What I mean by this is that they can be too assertive in class, or in a leadership role, or even in a relationship. They let power get to them too quickly and they become very stubborn simultaneously. They can also be belittling to females without even realizing it, it seems. It's like there is some innate sense of superiority that they feel they are born with. #2 I like the fact that most guys are handy men and protective. I have a feeling of safety and security when a guy is around me. It is really nice that most guys can fix things for me when I need help or something is broken. I like that guys are less dramatic in many cases. They don?t typically over think every situation in their lives. If a problem occurs, it is easier for them to brush it off and move on. I dislike the fact that guys are bad listeners. It always seems as if guys cannot retain anything that you tell them. It is also difficult to discuss problems with a guy because they never want to talk about the issue. Sometimes it would be nice for the guy to open up occasionally. Another thing I don?t like about guys is how quick so many are to start a fight. #2 I like that males tend to be less attached to people or objects. I believe that males have a better tendency in adapting to major changes in life such as a big move or a death. I dislike that males tend to not be too dedicated to their birth family. Often times, once a male leaves the home of his parents and/or siblings, he becomes more involved or attached to his wife's family. #2 I like that men provide a protective role to women. Although I myself am very independent I like knowing that I have male friends around to help me. I have been in many situations where I have felt unsafe and a male has been able to fix the situation. I also like the way that men think. I am a very emotional person and sometimes when I have an issue I over complicate it, I like that I have male friends that I can go to and get a more logical interpretation of my problem. I don't like that they have issues verbalizing what they are feeling. I am a very verbal person and it makes it hard to communicate when they don't know how to express emotion. I also dislike that have trouble committing; whether that be committing to one person in a relationship or committing to plans in two weeks. #2 Several things I like about the opposite sex would have to be that they think logically and rationally in many situations. Sometimes I envy the fact that males are so easy going, and can easily let go of things that would typically disrupt the lives of women. I also think that men have a great sense of humor and are more spontaneous than women. In addition, men are better at confrontation with their friends when something is bothering them. On the contrary, my dislikes about men are that they are insensitive to there own feelings, and the feelings of others. I don't find most men to be good listeners, and most are very stubborn in their ways of thinking. #2 Although I like the fact that the male gender has the confidence to be outspoken, I do not like how most males feel it is their right to speak even if this means rudely interrupting the person that was already speaking in order to get their opinion heard. I do not like their lack of communication skills and that most appear to need to be the center of attention. I also do not like that they are more insensitive to people's feelings and will choose to do something that they want to do and not worry about how their decision will affect others. For example, as stated in class, a male will choose to go skiing if that is what he wants to do rather than attending his friend's party even if he already told the friend that he was coming to the party. I like the fact that they are physically and emotionally protective of their female friends and look out for their female friend's best interests. I like the fact that they are not as judgmental of members of their sex and are less dramatic, meaning nonchalant, about issues and problems that arise. I like the fact that they can be confrontational about their problems and do not tiptoe around the issue, but rather get the problem solved and move on. #2 What I like most about the male sex is feeling smaller compared to most of them and feeling protected by them. I also like how assertive males can be and can confront a difficult situation with a friend for example in a way in which females cannot. Males are usually less dramatic and don't blow things out of proportion like many females do, which can be very frustrating. What I don't like about the opposite sex is how they are often times less perceptive to other people's feeling than women are. I also dislike the stubbornness that can be found in many men in situations that are often not worth their persistence. #2. I like that the opposite sex makes me feel physically safe. If I am walking alone at night, I tend to constantly look around to make sure I am okay. With a male, I would know that if anything did happen he would protect me. I also like their ability to think rationally and decisively. The male gender, in general, makes assertive decisions without fluctuating. In general, they are also less self-conscious and insecure. Males are also more easy-going and less stressed. Males also are better at male-to-male confrontation and do not often hold grudges. On the opposite side, I do not like the selfish quality most males unintentionally possess. Males tend to act or do whatever they personally want to, with little regard to others feelings. In addition, males are poor communicators, especially regarding their feelings. Males cannot often multi-task; they seem to have a one-track mind. And most importantly, males tend to be extremely competitive in an unfriendly manner. They refuse to be wrong or give in. Males have a higher sense of what pride is and are not willing to give in order to protect that pride. #2 I like that they are simple and don't over analyze things. I like that they aren't as dramatic as girls. I hate how guys are so stubborn and always have to be right. They can never stop and ask for directions, instead they get you lost for hours. I hate how they never listen to you and can be insensitive at times. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTIION #3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex? #3 #3 Why we nag! It's not typically because we enjoy it; it's usually since a point we're trying to convey goes unheeded, it's disregarded or seemingly unimportant to the man so we repeat ourselves with hopes it will sink in or cause some type of reaction. In fairness, maybe women do ask too much of men. #3 The thing that bothers me is that every time we are angry, a guy automatically assumes we are PMS-ing. Honestly, we could just be angry at you! #3 I think that men think that women try to make men talk things out just to make them miserable. The fact is that we really want to talk about something for what we think is both of our best interests. Most women believe that things must be directly acknowledged whether they are going well or poorly. I think that men express this differently through directly action and they do it more subtly. When a woman wants to talk about something she is not just doing it to bother the man, she really thinks that it will help the situation. #3 Men's desire for sex. #3.) I think a large portion of men misunderstand girls in their entirety. You can't pinpoint one thing exactly because for each guy it is something different. But most guys Are curious as to why we spend so much time on our appearance. What they don't understand is our appearance is what we present to the rest of the world and it is a major factor in everyday life. We not only want to look good for our significant others but for ourselves as well. Most girls pride themselves in their appearance and although it's not a big deal for a guy to roll out of bed and leave the house you would never catch a girl doing that in anything other than an emergency. #3 What men most misunderstand is a woman's need to express our feelings through tears. Men can't seem to comprehend the fact that when we hurt, we need to cry, and that is how we get over any pain we feel. By sucking up the tears and keeping it in, we just feel worse. Men just see it as a sign of weakness that us women have, when really that is what makes us stronger. By being able to cry about something, we are accepting what's happened and trying to let the pain out of our heart so that we can move on. I believe that it is easier for women to get over men, then for men to get over women. Why?? Because we cry over men, wipe away the tears, and then get over it and move on. What do men do? They keep their feelings to themselves, don't cry, and definitely don't tell their friends about how they feel, and so those feelings blow up in their face whenever they see that girl again. I still have guys from high school trying to get back with me. I'm like " Please, get over it already". #3 I think men most misunderstand that sexual intimacy is emotional for women. We think with our hearts, even if we are thinking about other things at the time. #3. I think one major thing that the opposite sex misunderstands about us is that we have muscles too! I partially blame women for this. My mom is always asking my dad to get certain things because they are "heavy". I have girlfriends who do the same sort of thing. I think that a lot of girls just underestimate themselves, and like the feeling of guys taking care of them or nurturing them by moving or lifting heavy things. I think that guys just think we are fragile and can't do much at the same level as them. The truth is, if we can give birth to babies, we certainly are a lot stronger, in more ways than one, than they think. #3 Guys do not understand why girls are so emotional about events in life. Guys always assume the girl is overreacting when they are upset about something. They don?t understand how a girl is feeling and how easy it is for a girl to get upset. #3 The opposite sex misunderstands women's intentions. They fail to read emotions and body language well. #3 #3 I feel the most common misunderstanding men have about women is that they feel we overreact over something we shouldn't. However, because women are more in touch with their feelings, they typically do have good reason for reacting they way they do. In addition, women can explain exactly why they are upset and feeling the way they are feeling, yet most men do not want to make the time or effort to listen to what is bothering them. #3 I think that the one thing that the opposite sex misunderstands about the female gender is that we want to be understood. We want them to understand and relate to the experiences that we are having in our lives. We want them to communicate with us and know about what is going on in our lives and take all the other necessary steps, such as spending time with us and getting to know our families and friends, to be able to truly get to know us. #3 One thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about my own sex is the cycle of hormone levels that women go through each month. Some women are more affected by these hormone levels than others, but often times, if a woman is not feeling great during a certain time of the month or if she wasn't as pleasant as she normally is, rather than trying to be understanding or assuming that she might just be having a bad day, men might think she is being rude and not want to interact with her again. #3. Our strength, more so emotionally and psychologically. #3 The opposite sex does not seem to understand that we need to talk about our feelings. Our feelings are an important part of gaining intimacy towards the opposite sex. However, when we talk they do not appear to be interested making us feel like what our thoughts and what we have to say is unimportant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.? #4 Initially what attracts me to a man is physical appearance. When looking at a man's physical appearance I am attracted to men that are taller than I am. I would have trouble being attracted to a man that was shorter or smaller than me. However physical appearance is not that important to me. I am much more attracted to a man's personality. If a man can make me laugh I normally am attracted to him. I also look for someone who is easy going and genuine. I like when a man is self confident but not cocky. I am not attracted to someone based on their social status. #4 Initially, his confidence and power (position in life, not just occupation, in all aspects). Not always his looks; however, a nice smile always helps. Once interested, the most important factor is his humor and mind, thoughts, ambitions, ability to communicate, talk and listen, and how he processes information. #4 Attraction for me in my boyfriend is by the way he smiled, his personality, the way he cared and paid attention to everything that I was interested in. Definitely, his personality was a major aspect of why I said yes to date him. #4 The most important thing that I think is attractive in a man is a sense of humor. There are so many difficult and tragic things that happen in life that I think it is important to take advantage of time that can be humorous. I am not particularly a fan of crude humor, but I find generally funny and witty guys extremely attractive. I think that with out a partner who can make you laugh, a relationship can be boring. I also think that the quality of independence is particularly attractive. I am not attracted to men who are not completely self sufficient. This is not to say that they need to be incredibly successful or wealthy, but just that they are capable of doing basic things without the help of anyone else. For example if I found out that a man could not do his own laundry, I would probably be turned off. #4 Physical appearance first because it's the first thing you see, but it is nothing without good personality. #4.) Mostly a guy's eyes are what most attracts me to them, the way they look at you or just the expressions they make. I like to get to know a guy before I go out with them so their personality is a large factor in the attraction. Beauty is only skin deep and some guys that are very attractive on the outside can be some of the ugliest people on the inside. If they can make me smile and laugh even when I'm not in the mood is definite plus. Also their cute smile and innocent gestures are attributes that can make an average guy extraordinary. I need a guy who can have a stimulating conversation with me, someone I can just talk to for hours and never get bored. Intelligence is something that draws me in and when I meet I guy for the first time and start talking to him if he can capture my attention with just his words then the rest of him must be just as good. #4 The characteristics that attracted me the most were his looks (tall, dark, and handsome), his deep voice, his smooth talking ways, and his passionate way of touching me. He was fine all around. I believe his self-confidence attracted me the most. He came up to me with no shame or shyness. He was certain that I wouldn't say no, and certain that I was attracted to him as well as he was attracted to me. I've even fallen for ugly men, just because they had self-confidence. There is nothing sexier then a man who believes in himself and can make a woman believe in him. If a man believes he is sexy, cool, and charming and is very self confident, then it is hard for a woman to look at him and go "Honey you are not all that". Maybe at first sight that is what you are thinking, but believe me, that cockiness will eventually become attractive to you. #4 The man I am attracted to currently draws me in with a balance of confidence and mystery, polite gestures (opening doors, pulling out chairs), and his ability to make everyone laugh. He is physically attractive, with a sexy mouth and a great smile. I have had both serious and comical conversations with him and he makes eye-contact when he talks and listens. I am also drawn because nothing sexual has taken place. He is a couple years older than me, employed, paying for himself, and is stable. #4. I was attracted to my boyfriend because he was funny, down to earth, he seemed like a normal guy, I connected to him and was able to talk for long hours at a time to him, he was grounded, had a good head on his shoulders, and everyone else liked him too. There are actually many things that initially attracted me to him. I think that one of the main things, however, was our compatibility. If we weren't able to talk for long hours at a time, I wouldn't have felt as connected and comfortable with him. #4 At first I am attracted to the physical appearance of the guy. I am usually drawn to their facial features. Then, I become more attracted to the personality of the guy. The personality is definitely the most attractive part about the guy. #4 Physical appearance is the first thing I notice in a man. He should be tall, look strong and healthy, groomed, and he should give off the impression that he is doing well financially (good social status). He should also reveal characteristics of loyalty, sincerity, consideration, and respect. #4 Initially what attracts me to a man is physical appearance. When looking at a man's physical appearance I am attracted to men that are taller than I am. I would have trouble being attracted to a man that was shorter or smaller than me. However physical appearance is not that important to me. I am much more attracted to a man's personality. If a man can make me laugh I normally am attracted to him. I also look for someone who is easy going and genuine. I like when a man is self confident but not cocky. I am not attracted to someone based on their social status. #4 I am initially attracted to a person because of their ph ysical appearance, yet I will not begin having feelings for a person until I get know their personality traits. I prefer a male that is easy going, funny, light hearted, and does not have to be the center of attention. #4 The characteristics of the person that attracted me to him were his smile, his apparent friendliness, his eye contact, his sense of humor, his interest in me and in what I have to say, and as well as sometimes in the manner in which I see him interact with his friends and his family. Other characteristics that I have also found attractive is if the person is of the same religion as myself, if he has a close relationship with his family, and if he likes and enjoys being around children. I have also found that men who have sisters usually treat women better and have a better understanding of the female sex than men who do not have sisters. The most important factor that would have initially attracted me to that person would have been his physical appearance, but after that it would have been his personality in addition to the physical appearance that would have kept me attracted to him. #4 What originally attracted me to my boyfriend was how fun to be around he was. We had a lot in common and he could carry on great conversation and I felt completely comfortable with him when we were together. It also helps that physically, I found him very attractive and I like that he is taller and stronger than I am. The most important factor that attracted me to him was the way he made me feel about myself, like I was the only person who mattered whenever he was talking to me. #4. Male characteristics that I am personally attracted to are sense of humor, trustworthiness, honesty, mutual respect, caring nature towards myself, friendliness, intelligence, motivated, and a physical attractiveness. The most important qualities are genuine friendship and mutual respect. #4 The most important thing is personality. If they are good looking but don't have a good personality, it makes them less attractive overall. Physically, I found myself most attracted to their smile and eyes. However they need to have a good sense of humor. Some other characteristics are that they are motivated, have a sense of ambition, intelligent, integrity and enjoy sports. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex? #5 Some strengths of men are that they are more physically strong. They are more logical. They have to deal with less hormone changes which allows them to lead a more stable life. They don't let little things get in the way of their friendships which women tend to do. Some weaknesses are that they have problems communicating. They are less empathetic. They are less emotional which causes them to not be capable of having as many close relationships as women. #5 Strengths can always be weaknesses. A strength men generally possess is their ability to see things black/white. They also provide stability, support and protection in situations. Meaning they may offer a new outlook, a big shoulder to lean on, and when they care for you they will look out for your well-being. On the other hand, since they are more black/white, they have a hard time with gray areas when things are complex. Additionally, they've received so many mixed messages regarding what's acceptable to show or not in terms of emotions, so they often don't know how to express themselves properly. #5 Men are strong when they are with their boys. They can be upfront with their likes and dislikes. However, men are so weak when it comes to other women, especially to ones that are not their girlfriends. #5 I think one of the strengths of the opposite sex is that they are able to stay calm in traumatic situations. If something unexpected were to happen, a man is more likely to be rational and think out what the best action would be, while a woman is more likely to get hysterical. On the other hand, in a traumatic situation, a man is less likely to be attentive to other people's needs. They will probably take care of themselves before caring for others. #5 Strengths of women include, thoughtfulness, affection, caring, and sensitive. Weaknesses include that they are demanding and insecure. #5.) Guys strengths are innumerable. They are loving, hardworking, mostly faithful, caring, generous etc. Men have an insurmountable compilation of good strong qualities that I believe do outnumber their weaknesses. Although the have their bad days where they can be inconsiderate, moody, temperamental, and jealous people, you have to realize that girls are just as bad. The unfair thing is that those guys that are utterly unbearable, the most unethical and devious men you have ever met ruin it for those guys who are everything they say they are. #5 Males can be very convincing, very hard working, and very protective. I believe that these are their strengths and that they use them very well. A man's ability to convince people comes in very handy when you want to get something done. For example: a man can convince a woman that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, when the rest of the world views them as the most ugly. But a man can also convince the most stunning woman, that she very unattractive. Men are also very hard working creatures by nature. They see a beat up car; their first instinct is " I must fix it". This is why most men work in construction and as laborers. They have a need to work very laboriously. But I love to see a man sweat while he works. Men can also be very protective. They are protective of their mothers, sisters, and females in general. Even little brothers, they'll protect. It is in their nature. Men also have weaknesses. They can be very jealous, selfish, and dominating. The jealousy drives women away from men. A man expects a woman to drop all her male friends as soon as they become involved with each other in at a more intimate level. This, in the end, will cause women to leave the man, because it doesn't stop there. Pretty soon, he doesn't want you going out with females either. Men can also be selfish and think only of their own feelings instead of their partners. This is when women feel neglected and look towards other men for attention. And men are also very dominating. They want to choose where to go out, when to see each other, where you can go. They want women to ask for permission before they even think about going somewhere. This is a terrible weakness, which also drives women away. #5 Strengths of the opposite sex are: rationality, physical strength, maturity yet child- like playfulness, problem solving, desire to fix things and the ability to do so. Weaknesses of men are: unemotional, forgetful, lack of responsibility, jealousy, rash behavior, physical aggression. #5. I think that some strengths of the opposite sex are their composure under pressure, their ability to be individuals and to get really involved in one or two things, their senses of selves, their dedication to their families and friends, and their authoritative appeal. Some weaknesses that I find with the opposite sex are their inability to grow up at times, their immaturity, their inability to connect with others on a deeper level, their inability to be serious, and their issues with emotions and vulnerability. #5 The strengths are the fact that guys are easy going and dependable. The weaknesses are that they are not very open with their emotions and can have a very bad temper. #5 Men strength's are their overall physical abilities. Generally, men tend to be a little more stronger than women. The weaknesses of men would be women. Men can sometimes make foolish choices because of a woman (easily manipulated). #5 Some strengths of men are that they are more physically strong. They are more logical. They have to deal with less hormone changes which allows them to lead a more stable life. They don't let little things get in the way of their friendships which women tend to do. Some weaknesses are that they have problems communicating. They are less empathetic. They are less emotional which causes them to not be capable of having as many close relationships as women. #5 I feel the biggest weakness of males is their lack of communication. Since most guys are not in touch with their feelings, they have an extremely hard time expressing what is running through their head in words. This often leads to conflict in relationships because females are left to guess what the males are feeling. This guessing game can lead to conflicts in relationships because females are great at making something out of nothing, and creating unnecessary problems. This weakness is also linked to guys being very ambiguous. I feel they often say one thing, and then end up doing the opposite. The strength I admire most in guys is they do not over analyze things. They think very logical and simple terms, which is why I feel guys get le ss hurt in relationships then women do. #5 My perceived weaknesses of the opposite sex are that they can be very insensitive and inconsiderate, their maturity level is often below that of their female counterpart, they often need to be the center of attention, they interrupt other individuals who are speaking, and they often think with what is between their legs rather than with the head on their shoulders. Some of their strengths are their confidence level, their nonchalant manner, their protectiveness, and the fact that they are less judgmental about members of their sex. #5 Strengths of the opposite sex, besides the fact that men are usually physically stronger than women, include that men are often more rational than women and could look at a situation without bringing a lot of emotional baggage to it. Weaknesses of the opposite sex include that they have trouble dealing with emotional issues and often times try to avoid emotionality at all costs. #5. Males have many strengths including physical, decisiveness, and assertion. Their weaknesses are lack of sensitivity, lack of communication with women, lack the ability to comfort or provide emotional support. #5 As a fan of sports, I cannot deny that men excel over women in terms of physical strength. Other strengths include their ability to argue and make decisions more logically than women. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened. #6 I was in a situation in my work place where my boss who was a male was giving favoritism to the other male employees. There were several instances where males were promoted over females who were more qualified. Also the males were given their preferences of shift times and days off. Although I do not think that all men have this view of women I do think that his gender was the cause of his behavior. #6 I honestly can't recall any instances. #6 Instances of when a guy thinks that a female cannot carry a heavy box. I am not a tomboy, but this guy did not think that I could carry my own box because I was too afraid of breaking a nail...aaaahhhh! Girls, can do anything, almost anything a guy can. #6 There was a time when I was asked to move seats on an airplane because I was seated in an exit row. The flight attendant asked me if I would move seats because he thought I would be incapable of helping other in an emergency. Although I did move, I was a bit offended because I probably would not have been asked to move if I was a male, or if the flight attendant were a female. #6 When women play games, they never call when a guy calls them but then when a guy doesn't call, they call him all the time. #6.) I recently interned at a company and after I was hired I felt like I was being used by them. They would send all the girl assistants to take the potential male clients to lunch and all the male assistants to take the women out to lunch. All of us girls sat in the front offices to greet individuals and we were the ones that went to assist the open house's with the brokers. I had a specific dress code where I couldn't wear pants when we were dealing with clients and I had to always wear my hair down. I felt like I was being treated like an object by my two male bosses it was ridiculous. We all had a great academic background, shining resumes, and were diligent workers yet we were still being subjected to male chauvinistic mindsets. #6 One time, my boyfriend and I were arguing and he called me a "dumbass". It's a word he uses often, but not a word I want him calling me. So I in turn called him a "dumbass". I never use the word, but since he called me one I decided to call him one. He got very angry and took away my phone and insisted that I apologize in order to get it back. I told him that if he apologized for calling me one, then I would apologize as well. He used the word so much, that he didn't even remember the fact that he had called me one. So he wouldn't apologize. And even when he remembered that he had said it, he wouldn't apologize. He said that it was a word he always used so I should be use to it, and since I never used the word that I should apologize for insulting him on purpose. I don't think so. #6 It is unfair and wrong when a man pressures a woman for sexual acts. I have been in a couple of uncomfortable situations involving sex and alcohol. Whether I gave into his pressure or not, I wasn't comfortable, I didn't enjoy myself, and I felt ashamed the next day and long afterwards. #6. I went to Mexico for Spring Break with three other female friends. One of these girls happened to have very large breasts. We decided to walk into town one night because we didn't want to pay so much for a cab. I cannot even count on all of our fingers how many cat calls and whistles we received that night. Of course, everyone can be a little flattered at first. But after the tenth honk, we were so tired of men and felt as if they had no idea how unfair they were treating us. I can't imagine the reverse situation happening in any case. Even if women did whistle the same way, it would not make the men being whistled at feel as uncomfortable and fearful. #6 I have been treated unfairly when playing sports with members of the opposite sex. I have been told that I am not allowed to participate in the game because they assume that I am not capable of being very good. If I am allowed to play it is not until near the end of the game or when the score is no longer important. #6 Men tend to be really nice and they tend to let me get away with stuff. I don't think I've ever been treated unfairly by men. #6 I was in a situation in my work place where my boss who was a male was giving favoritism to the other male employees. There were several instances where males were promoted over females who were more qualified. Also the males were given their preferences of shift times and days off. Although I do not think that all men have this view of women I do think that his gender was the cause of his behavior. #6 I was dating a guy, and when things started to get bad, we discussed breaking up. I had felt for a while that he might be interested in one of his female friends, yet he had always denied it when I brought it up to him. He would even get very angry that I could even think he would do something like that. However, not to my surprise, he began dating her just two weeks after we broke up. Although, I would have been hurt if he told me his true feelings for this girl, it was worse to hear him lie to me over and over, and then find out by seeing the two together at a party. #6 When I was in Ireland studying abroad two friends and myself went to a pub/dancehall and when we went to leave a man placed his hands on my bottom and groped me. I was in such shock of what happened that I unfortunately did not have enough time to react to hit him, but he also did this act quickly probably just so this exact effect would happen. He had no right to do what he did, but my friend who actually lives in Ireland said that this sort of thing happens all the time there to women and that a female just learns to ignore it and not be bothered by it like I was. #6 Many times the members of the opposite sex have not necessarily treated me unfairly, but rather have underestimated what I am capable of doing. I have heard comments behind my back from them thinking that I am too weak, not smart enough, or just generally not capable of doing something simply because I am female. #6. I had dishes from home that I was going to give for free to a guy friend of mine. He made me promise not to give them to anyone else because he really needed them. I called, e-mailed, and talked in person to this guy telling him he needed to pick them up soon or else I was going to give them to someone else. Finally after about a week of attempts I saw him and asked him when he wanted to pick them up, and he told me I should bring it to him because that was a woman's job. #6 One instance of being treated unfairly was when I wanted to join a summer club league of soccer. The league was co-ed, and because of this they had to create rules for the team making (1 girl on the field at any given time). The girls are treated as unequal soccer players, nothing more than a burden to the rest of the team. -------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened. #7 One night that a few of my female friends and I were in Las Vegas we were going out to a club. There was a very long line to get in to the club and because we were females we were lead to the front of the line and let in quickly. Also after we were in the club we received free drinks from the bartender. I think that this occurred because we were women and the bouncer and the bartender were both men. Both of these men treated us with privilege because of out gender. #7 Men seem to go out of their way to accommodate me when I'm in need of assistance with something larger then I'm capable of handling or I'm in their physical presence. I can't be sure of each mans motivations however they were thoughtful, respectful and considerate. Example: if something breaks at my house they'll offer to fix it or at least try. #7 All the time. I have had drinks bought for me, clothes, shopping sprees, jewelry, money, and anything else that I have wanted. #7 Just last week, my car broke down in a very inconvenient place. Luckily my dad was with me so I was not in any danger, but was in need of help. My dad was in a similar situation by himself earlier this year and he was shocked at what better service I got from the men that helped me on the road. The tow truck driver did not charge me, although he should have, and the mechanic was very attentive and directed all of his questions to me, although my dad was answering them all. This is not the only instance where I have felt that I have had better service from men because of my gender. I sometimes am given free things at restaurants when I am out with a group of girls or am given free drinks at a bar. #7 Treated well by the opposite sex when I needed them emotionally. #7.) One Sunday afternoon a bunch of girlfriends and I were going to play baseball with some of our guy friends. Of course all of the guys were a lot larger than us and were a lot better at the game, yet they were playing soft so that we wouldn't get beat as bad. They were thinking that we couldn't pull our own weight and began to get lazy with their forms and techniques. So just because we were girls and they felt that we were inferior to their years of baseball exposure they stopped giving it their all and attempted to make us feel like we were giving them a run for their money. #7 I work for LA County Dept of Public Works, which is predominantly male. In my office, I am the only woman. When one of the males in the office went to the warehouse to get something from the stockroom, the man in charge refused to give it to him because it was lunchtime and he was not on the clock. So he told me to get it for him, and assured me that because I was female that he'd give it to me. Well, I went and he greeted me nicely and handed me what I needed with no problems. So now, every time we need something from the warehouse, guess who gets to go? #7 Off the top of me head, I would have to say that men with chivalry have treated me the best. I love having doors opened, chairs pulled out, entering a room first, etc. Also, when trying to get into bars and clubs, women generally get in for free. #7. Whenever I go to get work done on my car, I feel as if the men at the gas station are a bit more reassuring and a bit obsequious I might even call them, just because I am a girl. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't trust them because they are just too nice. One time in particular I needed a tire change and they wouldn't let me carry my tire all the way in, even though I had carried far already. They ran up to me and grabbed it right away. #7 I have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex when I am at parties and at bars. Guys are usually very willing to hold doors open for the girl and to buy them drinks. #7 Yes! There was one instance in which I complained to the Toyota dealership for a broken strap to my new convertible. Nobody wanted to help me but one manager was so nice to me. He would call me and he revealed a lot of personal information of how I could get my way around Toyota's policies. He eventually did a lot of work and improved my car against his company's wishes. However, he did have other intentions because he soon called for a date. #7 One night that a few of my female friends and I were in Las Vegas we were going out to a club. There was a very long line to get in to the club and because we were females we were lead to the front of the line and let in quickly. Also after we were in the club we received free drinks from the bartender. I think that this occurred because we were women and the bouncer and the bartender were both men. Both of these men treated us with privilege because of out gender. #7 I have noticed that women get special treatment from males in places like bars and parties. For example, bars never have a night where drinks are half price for them like women do, and even here at LMU females are often not charged to get into a party and men are. Sadly though, most men have ulterior motives of getting the female drunk in the p rocess of giving them special treatment. Personally, I have been giving special treatment in the work place by males when they assume that I may be unable to lift an object, or complete a task that is typically done by males. #7 I have found that when I go to a store I am treated particularly well by male employees. A male employee will spend more time helping me once I ask for help even if his time is needed elsewhere and a male employee is more likely to approach me and ask if I need assistance than a female employee. There have been a couple instances of this happening, but the most evident one occurred at a Best Buy about two years ago. I was looking for something and could not find it so I went up to one of the employees, who happened to be a younger male around my age or a little older, and asked him where I could find it. I was not expecting him to show me where it was since he was very busy with his work and there were a lot of people there who were also in need of assistance, but he dropped what he was doing and escorted me over to the next to the correct aisle while starting up a conversation with me. He was overly helpful and waited until I had selected my choice even though I no longer needed his assistance. I thanked him once again and he asked me if there was anything else that I needed and even though I had not tried to look for the next item on my list I asked him where another item was and he directed me to that item as well. He was all smiles and was very friendly; he kept trying to make me laugh and smile. After I found what I was looking for this time he again asked me if there was anything else that I needed even though there were many other people who needed to be helped. I said no and thanked him very much for his help to which he told me if there was anything else that I needed to just come find him. He told me his name and asked for mine and then he shook my hand. The person that I was shopping with after he had left made comments about how he was blatantly flirting with me and about how easy it must be for me to shop because the employees, particularly male employees, are so eager to help me. #7 Men will usually open doors for me and let me go first if we come to a line or a small hallway at the same time simply because I am a woman. Another way this chivalry has been shown to me is that I have never been on a date where the man has not paid for me. #7. There are several instances in which I have been treated particularly well due to my gender. One instance occurs at bars. Whenever women go out, men buy them drinks, hold open doors, and pull our chairs simply because of our gender. Another instance is when I was offered an internship over the summer, in which I had no previous experience. Out of approximately 10 other people, 8 of whom were male, I was offered the position. After working for about one week, I realized I got the job because I would be working long hours in extremely close quarters with a relatively young male executive. Instead of hiring a male who had experience, he hired me and had to teach me everything from scratch. #7 When they send you cute little messages. It is a very small gesture, yet it says so much. By sending me a message or giving me a short call, their gesture tells me that they have been thinking about me, that they care about me, and that they can take time out of their day to make an effort to communicate with me. If the guy doesn't care that much about me, small gestures like this can be easily overlooked. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way? #8 I normally wait for the man to show that he is interested in me before I show interest in him so that I can avoid being rejected. However, when I have been in a relationship and the man wants it to be over for the most part they have been very inconsiderate. Most men that I know do not address the issue when they are ready to end a relationship. They just want to say that it's over and then are done without having to give any explanation. This approach leaves the woman unsure of what went wrong which makes the rejection even harder to take. Instead of avoiding the issue men should take the time to talk to the women about why they are making the decision to end the relationship. That way the women would be able to find more closure in the situation and that way there might be more of a chance that the two can remain friends without hard feelings. #8 They either didn't or abruptly stopped calling without any explanation. I'd have to classify the action or lack of as more insensitive and my feelings were hurt, followed by confusion. I suppose an explanation is better then nothing; even though, I'd probably experience other emotions/feelings I wouldn't have to wrestle with, "why?" #8 I wrote this boy that I liked in elementary school a note saying that I liked him. However, he was not interested in me, so he told my good friend that he did not like me that way and if she would tell me. It hurt because I felt that he should have told me instead of telling her because it made me feel very embarrassed. That is the only feeling because I was too young to feel too hurt. #8 I was in a casual relationship with a guy last year who was incredibly bad about calling me back or showing up on time. He would say that he was on his way over to my house and wouldn't show up for hours. He would also say that he was going to call me "right back" and sometimes he would not call until the next day. I felt that this was very inconsiderate towards me because I would end up waiting for him, when I could have been doing better things. #8 All the time, mostly by being friendly then ignoring phone calls. No it's alright with me. #8.) My now ex boyfriend once did something so unbelievable that its still hard for me to believe. Last labor day weekend I called up my boyfriend and I asked him if he wanted to spend some time with me during the upcoming holiday weekend and to my utter dismay he informed me that he would have to check his schedule to see if he had time to squeeze me in. I was mortified and at first I thought he was joking then I found out he was serious and realized what pig he really was. He had no remorse for what he had said and was actually dead serious. To think there are guys out there like that that would treat a girl as if she were so unimportant. Guys definitely know lack the common respect that is considered to be good manners. #8 I was rejected once by a boy in junior high. He used to ignore me when I came around, or leave the room. He wouldn't answer my phone calls. When I would get a chance to talk with him, he would keep it very short and invent excuse to leave the room or get off the phone. His behavior was very thoughtless and rude. It made me feel ugly, unwanted, and sort of stupid too. If he would have told me from the beginning that he just wanted to be my friend, then that's all it would have taken for me to understand that he wasn't interested. #8 First of all, I like that women are allowed to make the first move today and don't have to rely on the man. The problem though is that if a woman hits on a man, most men assume that she is easy and wants to have sex, when she might actually want to get to know the man for other reasons. Recently, I was talking with someone I am attracted to and it seemed like the opportune time to let him know. While laughing, I leaned in and he stopped me, saying it wasn't the right time. Kind of surprised, I said ok and he asked if I was alright with his decision. I said of course and everything has been fine and nothing changed. He was very considerate of my feelings and didn't make me uncomfortable or embarrassed. #8. I remember one of my first boyfriends and kisses in 7th grade had told one of my friends that he had only used me to get a kiss out of me. I think this particular behavior was all of the above, inconsiderate, rude, and insensitive. After he told her he even ignored me when he saw me instead of breaking off our little relationship. He could have been more considerate by just telling me honestly he didn't want a relationship. He could have also cut back on telling my friend his true motives, and the whole ignoring thing just made it all worse. In an ideal situation, he would have never asked me out, and used one of those clich lines, "I don't want to hurt you, and I know I will". However, come to think of it, I don't know how that would have made me feel at the time... #8 When I got rejected by a guy I was interested, he was polite about it. He told me that he just wanted to be friends and didn?t want to start a relationship because he was afraid that our friendship would be ruined. I was really hurt by his statements because I didn?t feel that our friendship would be put in jeopardy if a relationship was started. I am not sure if he could be more sensitive than he was because no matter how he said it, I would have been hurt. #8 The guy rejected me by never calling back. This form of behavior is insensitive, rude, and cowardly. The best way to let someone know that they are not interested is by giving an obvious statement such as, "I am not ready for a commitment right now or I am not looking to date at this time" during some form of conversation. Something! #8 I normally wait for the man to show that he is interested in me before I show interest in him so that I can avoid being rejected. However, when I have been in a relationship and the man wants it to be over for the most part they have been very inconsiderate. Most men that I know do not address the issue when they are ready to end a relationship. They just want to say that it's over and then are done without having to give any explanation. This approach leaves the woman unsure of what went wrong which makes the rejection even harder to take. Instead of avoiding the issue men should take the time to talk to the women about why they are making the decision to end the relationship. That way the women would be able to find more closure in the situation and that way there might be more of a chance that the two can remain friends without hard feelings. #8 I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years, so the dating scene is new to me again. I have noticed that I often don't allow myself to get to the point of being rejected by the person I am interested in. For example, if I sense that the guy is uninterested, I will often give up, in fear that it will lead to rejection. However, friends of mine that are determined, and will take the risk of rejection, often complain that guys are not straightforward about their feelings and will ignore or stop calling the girl rather than saying they are not interested. Although, it is difficult to hear someone does not share the same feelings for you, it is even worse when they walk away from the situation with out answering any questions #8 In one instance I asked a person that I was attracted to to a birthday gathering that I was having but he could not attend. He was very polite about it and gave me his reason for not being able to attend which I understood. He had previous arrangements with his friend who was visiting from out of town. He also said that if he did not have these plans he would have very much liked to come. So he rejected me rather nicely and politely. I was disappointed that he could not come but since he had a very good reason for not be able to attend and said that he would have attended if he did not have prior commitments, I was not upset or felt rejected by it. I therefore do not have any advise on how to do it in a more considerate way. #8 I have never been directly rejected by a member of the opposite sex, meaning that no one has actually said to my face that they don't like me or don't want to be around me anymore. Instead, guys that I have liked would just avoid me or tell all my friends that they didn't like me. I think that their behavior was rude in the fact that often times they would ruin a friendship once they found out I liked them and they did not like me back. Instead, they could have continued to remain friends with me but not have shown interest in a romantic way. #8. When a guy hooks up or pursues another girl and ignores you and the fact that you once had something. They do not call back and avoid the issue at hand. This makes girls feel confused and in some instances, like they have lost their mind. Girls want to discuss and if someone pretends that there is no issue to discuss it deeply hurts girls and makes them feel worthless. This is definitely inconsiderate and insensitive. The guy is able to be fine and deal with the situation in his own way, ignoring how a girl needs to cope. If a guy no longer is interested in a girl he needs to own up to his feelings and respectfully tell the girl in a considerate manner. #8 It was rude because he just stopped calling one day and stopped returning my phone call. I never knew what happened and I never saw him again. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again. How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances: QUESTION #9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go? #9 I would make eye contact with my date because I think that is a good way to let them know that I like them. I would also probably touch them in some way to see how they react and see if they seem interested as well. For example I might grab their arm or touch their leg. Nothing that wouldn't be appropriate between friends but enough to send a message to him to let him know that I was interested. #9 While out, I might grab his hand if we were walking or if at home and sitting around, I may go over and sit on his lap facing him and lay a big wet kiss on him! #9 I would make the first move to let him know that it is ok to kiss me. For example, if he walks me home after the date, I would kiss him on the cheek, then next time on the lips. #9 I would probably try to give this man clues that I wanted to be intimate with him. This may help him to be assure that I was interested in him romantically. I would also do everything in power that I could to flirt with him. And I would probably move as close as I could to him, so initiate physical contact. In some situations I may just make the first move myself. #9 Through kissing. #9.) I would drop them hints that I was definitely interested and on the same page as him. I think subtler hints are more attractive so you don't seem like your pouncing on the person. Communication is the key but body language can get the point across jsuta s efficiently. #9 I would begin by holding his hand and caressing it with my fingers. Once I've seen that he approves of this gesture, and then I would grab his arm and caress that. I would actually try to get him to check out my butt as well, by bending over, standing, or walking in front of him. If he began to show me physical gestures that he was attracted to me, then I would reinforce those gestures by smiling, laughing, or returning the gesture. In order to get a kiss from him, I would talk to him face to face, and lay my head on his shoulder. Once you get that first kiss in, the making out part is easy, and the rest is even easier, especially when it comes to a man. #9 If I was trying to give a man the ok to take things to the next level, I would purposely make physical contact with him. I would start by touching his arm or leg during conversation. I would grab his hand if I wanted to hold it. I would invite him in to watch a scary movie and act overly scared so I could cuddle with him. If all else failed, I would tell him that he could kiss me if he wanted to or I would initiate the first kiss. Then I'd let things go from that point forward and take it one step at a time. I have no problem being forward if he is too shy to do so himself. #9. I would use small subtleties in this situation. I would touch his hand, rub it, lean on his shoulder, rub his leg, start kissing his cheek, and so forth. However, I am pretty good at reading if people are in to me as well, and if I sensed that he wasn't, I would definitely back of immediately. I have enough pride to save myself from a later rejection. However, if he was into it and was just shy, I would make the first move by kissing him. I probably wouldn't go much farther on just a casual date. #9 I would make a point to touch the guy. For example, pat him on the shoulder or touch his hand. I would also try to make more eye contact to let him know what I wanted. #9 I would try to be very flirtatious or say things that may invite the idea of kissing or holding hands. (Try to influence him in subtle, less obvious ways). I would not make a move! #9 I would make eye contact with my date because I think that is a good way to let them know that I like them. I would also probably touch them in some way to see how they react and see if they seem interested as well. For example I might grab their arm or touch their leg. Nothing that wouldn't be appropriate between friends but enough to send a message to him to let him know that I was interested. #9 I would influence a person to become physically intimate by making subtle yet playful moves. For example, body language can express how a person is feeling about another individual without the use of words. I also think that eye contact, and the way you look at a person can express the interest and level of intimacy you are trying to achieve. I also try to find ways to touch or brush by the person, to give them the opportunity to take things further. #9 I would make continuous eye contact with this person, telling him with my eyes that I was interested in becoming physically intimate with him, stand and be close to him whenever possible, smile every chance that I got, and possibly try and take his hand or his arm when we were walking. #9 In this situation, I might gradually take their hand and maybe hint at what I wanted to do subtly in conversation, but I would never initiate anything because I personally feel that the man in the relationship is responsible for taking the relationship to the next level. #9. I would influence my date by showing more interest through conversation and physical touching. I would try to focus on his eyes more, lean in closer, and find opportunities to touch his arm or leg. I would also be more open of myself and probably tease him playfully. I would in general be more open and playful. #9 You just have to seem interested. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual? #10 I would leave physical distance between myself and my date so that it would be difficult for them to try and become intimate with me; so they wouldn't be able to try and hold my hand or kiss me. I would also try and say things to discourage him from trying to be affectionate with me such as "I'm really not looking to date anyone right now" or "I'm glad that we have become such good friends" #10 Well, first off I probably wouldn't continue exclusive dates for a month. I also would never say out right, "I'm not attracted to you therefore we'll never have sex." I would however assure him I enjoy his company and companionship but I see us as friends. #10 Look somewhere else if he comes in for a kiss. I would not hold his hand or try to keep myself busy enough so that he will notice that I am not interested. Another thing is that I will treat him like just a friend in the sense that I will just talk about what great friends we could be and that I am not looking for any major involvement. #10 I would stay as far away from this person as possible and try to make as little eye contact as possible without being rude. If he tried to make physical contact with me I would pull away quickly so that he knew I was not comfortable. If he really did not get the clue I probably would just tell him that I was interested so that I would not end up in a compromising situation. #10 Don't come within close physical proximity. #10.) I would probably start talking to him about other past girlfriends or potential crushes to get him thinking about other girls. I would also talk about other guys so maybe he could get the picture that I just wanted to be friends. If that didn't work I would come straight out and tell him that I wasn't interested. #10 I would not let him hold my hand, or hug me, or even let him try to get too close to me. I would probably bring up a conversation about how he would make a great friend. If he tried getting close, as in trying to kiss me, I would definitely turn away and let him know that I wasn't ready for that. But some men don't get it and so you have to be a little rude. So if he still tried to become intimate with me, I would tell him that I was attracted to him and probably be mean the rest of the night, just to keep him at a distance. #10 The easiest way to stop physical intimacy is to avoid it. If he leaned in for a kiss, I would turn my cheek. As rude as it is, I would screen his phone calls and not answer them or make excuses about why I couldn't see him that night. Also, at the end of the date, I wouldn't invite him into my house. Of course, everything would be a lot easier if we all followed Burger's advice to Miranda (Sex in the City) and just told the person "I'm just not that into you." #10. If I certainly was not attracted to someone but could tell that they were attracted to me, I would try to use my body language as much as possible to give him the point without being rude. I would keep ample amounts of space in between us, turn away often (especially if he tried to kiss me), and not laugh at his jokes, I would probably yawn a lot, and eventually would make up some excuse about having to be home at a certain time. #10 I would avoid being in close proximity with the guy and making any sort of eye contact. I would answer questions with as few words as possible in order to let him know that I was not interested. #10 I would give the person a cold sense of body language. If he held my hand I wouldn't let him hold it. I would be distant and avoid talking about any romantic ideas. I would try to make it obvious by the way I interact with him. #10 I would leave physical distance between myself and my date so that it would be difficult for them to try and become intimate with me; so they wouldn't be able to try and hold my hand or kiss me. I would also try and say things to discourage him from trying to be affectionate with me such as "I'm really not looking to date anyone right now" or "I'm glad that we have become such good friends" #10 If I am not interested in an intimate relationship with a male, I would do the opposite of everything that may make him think I am interested. I would avoid direct eye contact, and attempt to act uninterested in the conversation. If the male still does not take the hint, I would make up an excuse that would get me out of the situation, or end the date immediately. #10 If I knew that the relationship was not going to go anywhere though the other person would like it to, I would do my best to not hurt the person's feelings but would simply tell the person that I did not think that a relationship between us would work. In order to avoid the relationship from becoming sexual before I had the opportunity to tell the person this, I would not stand as close to them as I would if I were attracted to the person, I would lessen the amount of eye contact that I made with him, and I would lessen the amount of humor I used with him. I would also not smile as much at the other person for fear that he might take smiling as the wrong signal. #10 In this situation, I would resist any type of physical contact and avoid any discussion of future dating experiences between the two of us. I would also pretend to be more tired than I was so we could cut the night short and not have to deal with any embarrassment after the night was over. #10. In order to influence someone to not become sexual with me I would make it obvious through my words. I would still be nice, but I would use the term "friend" often throughout the evening. I would appear to be busy in the future and therefore give them the hint of no further commitment. #10 You tell them that you feel sick and don't want to get them sick. ----------------------------------------------------------------- SENTENCE COMPLETION For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it. QUESTION #11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when... #11 I am spending a lot of time with another male. #11 They feel their position, in most circumstances, is being threatened. #11 When other guys check us out and show that they could possibly interested in us. Also, when we have male friends. #11 other males have contact with their significant other. #11 They don't receive enough attention. #11.) any resemblance of a male threat enters the picture. It can come in forms of close male friends, phone calls, emails, unexpected visits, gifts etc. Most guys don't like other males infiltrating their space with a significant other. #11 men check out their women. Most men get offended if another man is checking out their woman, especially if they are doing it right in front of them. It's like we're their property and they don't want anyone trying to take us away from them. Sort of like when they were kids and use to hide their toys from other kids so that they couldn't play with them. #11 the women in their lives talk to other men, get looks from other men, and some even get jealous if women socialize as a group with other men. #11. Another man shows blatant interest in me. (For example the tell me something very flattering or tell me about their true feelings for me). #11 their girlfriend is talking to another guy and when a guy hugs the other guy?s girlfriend. #11 you mention that you would like to go out for any reason with a member of his own sex. They become insecure about that situation. #11 I am spending a lot of time with another male. #11 their girlfriend is talking to or about a member of the opposite sex. Guys get even more jealous when the girl appears to be enjoyi ng herself while speaking to a guy other than them. #11 another man enters the scene or competes for the girl's attention, time, and companionship. #11 another member of the opposite sex shows interest in me or I talk consistently to another member of the opposite sex that I am not related to. #11. Their girlfriend gets attention from any other guy, even if it is a simple look. #11 When his manhood is threatened ----------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex... #12 should be the one to initiate. #12 Tends to the aggressor. #12 Guys are very touchy feely right away. They also jump right at the moment to initiate any sexual connotations almost as soon as the third date. #12 males are generally more aggressive than females. #12 Is usually very shy. #12.) is normally more aggressive and straightforward. Girls tend to be more timid and passive while guys are the complete opposite they want to bring the question of sex or the possibility up in the conversation as soon as possible. They think that the sooner they talk about it the better or closer their chances are of attaining their ultimate goal. #12 gets too excited and caught up in the fact that they are going to get some and finish before we even start. It's like they've been bottling up these feelings for a long time and when the door opens, they just can't help but let all their feelings out at once. #12 seems to get better with age at their approach. Some men are assholes and think they can just grab what they want when they want it. Others realize that sex is a big deal (or at least a bigger deal to women) and take things slow and respect the word "no". Also, men that constantly use protection are greatly respected in my mind. #12. Is usually very respectful, but just always wants it more and more often. #12 makes an effort to make eye contact with the girl and tell her compliments. #13 girl?s emotions and feelings. #12 is way too fast and persistent. They do not think with their heart. #12 should be the one to initiate. #12 guys use cheesy lines that can sometimes be offensive. They also will find excuses to touch you i.e. tickling. Some may even ask permission to kiss you, and from there, take things further. #12 is usually the initiator of these events. This is their traditional role and many females will wait until the male initiates this behavior or until they see signals indicating that the male may want to pursue such behavior. The female also has subtle ways of letting the male know that she is ready for him to initiate such behavior or that she herself will shortly be initiating that behavior. #12 is usually very forward and pushy and then gets frustrated if I might not be ready to go as far as I want to. #12. Is pushy and aggressive. #12 --------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #13. The opposite sex seems clueless about... #13 women. #13 How truly complex women are. They know we "act" bi-polar; but they don't really sit and analyze "why" we (women) act or respond the ways we do. To understand us takes coming out of the black/white to explore all the gray areas. #13 How to be sympathetic to when we are hurting. To them, when we are in a bind, it will be "fine". However, we do not want to hear that, because we want to be held and reassured that we can count on you for aiding us in our time of need. #13 how to hold a purse. #13 What it is like to be a man. #13.) our feelings. They have no idea that some of the smallest things they can do for us mean the most. For instance they can just simply be there for us when we are stressed out and just comfort us or when were feeling down buy us a rose to show that they care. Sometimes a girl likes to just sit down and talk with her b/f about anything just being in their presence is enough to satisfy them, but most guys see it as the gates to hell when their g/f wants to talk. #13 how to read a woman's thoughts. I know when to leave my boyfriend alone because he is pissed about something. I know when he needs me to hold him because he's had a bad day. But men have to be told, "Baby hold me, hug me, kiss me, tell me you love me, tell me you miss me". Women know what men want for their birthdays, Christmas, or anniversaries. But men can be in the mall for hours and end up getting lingerie as a gift for everything, when really that's a gift for them. #13 "that time of the month". I don't expect men to understand my emotions at that time, but for God's sake, don't start an argument during that week because you won't win. #13. what to do when a girl is crying, and what not to do when a girl is crying. This is especially the case during arguments. #13 other people's feelings. #13 women. #13 feelings in general, and how to meet the needs of girls without being told what to do. #13 the importance of communicating with the female sex and how to win at the games that females sometimes play. #13 women's hormone levels and how that can make us act during certain times of the month. #13. Everything. #13 They are clueless about feelings. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ QUESTION #14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex... #14 can be good at if they want to. #14 Can and successfully does when they either choose to or the woman in their life requires it. #14 Is clueless about, after the chase is over in the beginning of the relationship. #14 is either completely clueless about are incredibly good at. Men are not usually just a little romantic. #14 expects from men. #14.) knows little about. A girl can spend every waking hour drawing up a perfect evening from the activities to her fingernail polish and feel like she's done something extraordinary. But most guys don't put that much time an effort into something they just tae us out to dinner and a movie and think that that's enough. #14 tends to do only on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine's Day. Every other day of the year is more routine then anything. If a woman does find a romantic man, then se should keep him. They are spontaneous and give you cards for no reason, or come home with flowers just to let you know they love you. #14 can win me over with. Romance doesn't have to be clich?d with rose petals, wine, and a candlelit dinner (although all are very sweet and appreciated). Romance is listening to me and remembering that I like daisies instead of roses, laying outside and looking at stars, getting lost in conversations, waking up to kisses on my birthday, coming over just because he wanted to see me, making dinner together, etc. Romance doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant. To me, the little things he does mean much more than money could ever buy. #14. always is expecting to do. Men have higher standards placed on them to be romantic than do women. #14 has trouble with. #15 asking questions they expect a certain answer to or by picking fights with the other person. #14 is not too sensitive or wise about. #14 can be good at if they want to. #14 has to work at, and be given hints on what the girl wants. I don't think being romantic is something that comes naturally for most guys because it requires time and effort. #14 fulfills in the traditional roles. For example, males stick with the standards: flowers, dinners, and jewelry. I have also found that it is much easier for a male to select a romantic gift for their girlfriend than it is for a female to select a gift for her boyfriend and I think this is due, in part, to the fact that there are less traditional and universal gift standards for males than there are for females. #14 can do but won't in front of other males. #14. Lacks the ability to do. #14 The opposite sex does not see romance as something important. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by... #15 seeing how badly they can treat a girl before she doesn't put up with it anymore. #15 Setting them up. Asking questions they already know the answer to, but want to see how that person will respond or they may have them approached by someone, of the opposite sex, to see how they'll handle the situation. #15 testing their commitment level. And how trustworthy the guy can be around a female's friend. #15 dumping them and getting back together with them. #15 asking for favors they don't need, calling and not calling. #15.) testing their abilities to withstand problems if they may arise. I know from a girls point of view that we want to be secure with the guy we choose to keep around. We want to know that if things don't go perfectly which they never do that he's going to stick around even after the dust settles. #15 begging you to stay with them when you're getting ready to go out with the girls, so that they can see who you'll pick. They also test you by asking for your access codes to your phone or ATM card to see if you trust them. #15 ... I don't think I've ever been "tested" by a man I was dating. I know women play lots of games throughout relationships, but I think men tend to play games more towards the beginning of the relationship and mostly even before any relationship exists. A man might like a girl one minute and then act like she's not there as soon as his friends show up. Men tend to play down their feelings for women so they don't seem emotional. #15. having "guys" nights and not calling on time or coming back home on time. It seems to be no big deal for guys but is very frustrating and testing for girls. #15 playing mind games or asking personal, manipulating questions. #15 seeing how badly they can treat a girl before she doesn't put up with it anymore. #15 having them meet their friends. I feel that guys have to get approval from their friends when they are dating a girl. They hope that the girl will get along with their friends so no conflict will arise among any of the parties. However, guys will often test girls to see how friendly and close they become with their friends, to make sure they will not be cheated on. Guys also give girls sexual tests to see how far the girl will allow th em to go. Often times, these sexual tests are given too soon in the relationship, causing the girl to feel pressured. #15 seeing if he or she calls, tries to contact the individual, or looks at other attractive members of the opposite sex. Females have also been accused of trying to trap a male by asking him if he thinks another member of the female sex is attractive. #15 checking to see if a significant other gets jealous when he looks at other girls. #15. By opening the car door for girls, shutting the door, and seeing if they reach over and unlock their doors. #15 They try to test their girlfriends buy having their friends approval. When they interrogate you about where you've been, what you've been doing or who you've been hanging out with. --------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to... #16 their roles in the household. #16 Sharing their power and authority. Example: decision-making. #16 Making the same/more money than the male. #16 physical fighting. Women do not fight on the front line in war and most men would never fight a woman. #16 what they personally want. #16.) the workplace. Most men get bent out of shape when a women surpasses them on the corporate ladder. And when it comes to the money situation it is inconceivable to men that a woman make more than them regardless if they are better at the job. #16 going out with friends. A man will go out with his friends as many times as they want in a week without ever asking us for permission, but when we women want to go out with our friends it is interrogation time. They want to know where we're going, at what time, with whom, and why. #16 the sexual double-standard and the financial glass-ceiling. Not that I have to explain these differences, but the double-standard basically states that men can have as many sexual encounters as they please and be congratulated while women are labeled as sluts by society and even by themselves at times. The glass-ceiling applies to the fact that men can move up the economical ladder without anything holding them back while women can only move up so high before they hit the ceiling and cannot pass it. #16. situations when just plain strength is involved, or in any sort of leadership roles. #16 voting and education. #17 uses to show they care about their girlfriend. #16 household responsibilities. #16 their roles in the household. #16 politics and sports. #16 being right and having the last say in a matter. Males are always trying to prove that they are right and they can be quite stubborn in this endeavor especially when the individual that they are arguing with is a female. #16 competitiveness in the work force. I think most men would like to believe that they want equality for the sexes, but feel threatened by a woman who might be better off financially than they are or might be in a higher position than they are. That is why we will never have a female president. #16. Raising kids and being the caretaker #16 When it comes to money and power. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex... #17 should stop. #17 Knows well! They'll even be possessive when they "really" don't want something or someone, just as long as another man can't have it. #17 is very good at. Men are very possessive when it comes to their girlfriend/wife as if we are things that can be owned rather than cherished. However, if we tried to do that, they would say that we are smothering. #17 are better at than women. #17 is bad at. #17.) is very familiar with. Most guys show their possessiveness through physical interaction, an arm around their girlfriend, a kiss in public to symbolize potential for something serious, or even something as innocent as handholding can show that that girl belongs to a certain guy. Most guys don't like to see their girlfriends hugging or friendly playing with other members of the opposite sex because it threatens their own position. #17 is very obsessed with. The minute you become boyfriend and girlfriend, they feel that they own you and can make decisions for you. They want to order for you, decide whether or not you can go out, what you can wear, who you can talk to. It' something men have to learn to control #17 needs to direct towards the things he actually owns and not the woman in his life. Be proud of her, want to spend time with her, cherish her, but don't keep her all to yourself. Men want time with the guys, women want time with the girls. I know he really doesn't want to listen to everything I have to say, so let me go out with my girlfriends to vent. Jealousy to an extent can be cute/romantic/sexy, but insane jealousy is scary. Just because a man looks at your woman doesn't mean she is going to cheat on you with him. Women know that their boyfriends look at other women with bigger breasts, nicer asses, and longer legs. Women look at other men too, but all that's matters is who each of you goes home with at the end of the day - each other. #17. needs to learn to let go of. I have found some good ones that don't act possessive but I'm tired of hearing the phrase "how's your girl doing?" from guy friends. (she has a name ...they've been dating long enough!). #17 uses to deal with their jealous tendencies. #17 should stop. #17 finds irritating. Most males don't like to have a girlfriend that is possessive of their time. However, guys think it is ok to be possessive over their girlfriends because it comes naturally to them to be protective and in control of a situation. #17 struggles more with than the female sex. Possessiveness seems to be a characteristic that more females attribute to males than males attribute to females. However, females do struggle as well with this characteristic just not to the same degree as males do. #17. Is, especially when it comes to their girlfriend. #17 Its something that gives the opposite sex control/power ------------------------------------------------------------ QUESTION #18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex... #18 puts too much emphasis on. #18 Has it rough. Those who aren't physically attractive to the eye have to make up for that in so many other ways; those who are tend to neglect or not develop all the other qualities that will ultimately attract and keep a woman. #18 Cares more that the girl looks good rather than have a personality. #18 have sharper and larger features. #18 is hot. #18.) places more initial emphasis and basis of a girls worth through her looks. A guy approaches a good looking girl first over a not so good looking girl as if physical appearance makes that one girl more worth his time. #18 has to have a nice butt, a nice chest, strong arms, beautiful eyes, great smile, and a sense of style. He has to know how to coordinate his wardrobe and fix up his package. Really thin guys cannot help me if I'm in need of a protector, and chubby guys cannot give me the type of energy I want from a man. #18 is sexiest when he doesn't know how attractive he really is. Being humble is a very sexy characteristic. If a man is sexy and acts like he knows it, it is a major turn off. If he spends more time in the bathroom than I do, it makes me question his vanity. Muscle tone is good, but huge muscles lined with veins are disgusting. Natural looking muscles are best. Physical attractiveness is based on so many things; face, body-type, confidence, clothing style, etc. Plus, attractiveness changes from person to person. No two people are alike and no two people like exactly the same things. #18. is expected to possess ample amounts of this, especially when it comes to muscles and how they body looks ( especially without a shirt on). #18 considers this most important in choosing a girlfriend. #19 work hard to achieve. #18 seems to be less picky regarding the what is considered beautiful. #18 puts too much emphasis on. #18 finds it to be the most important quality they look for in a female. Guys are not looking for a girl to be just their friend, therefore most won't bother taking the time to get to know a girl unless they find them attractive. #18 puts less effort, time, and money into their appearance. #18 is much more appealing to me than my own sex because they are much bigger and stronger and I like that. #18. Is naturally attractive. #18 The opposite sex will look at that first before anything else. --------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex... #19 feel that they should be in control of. #19 Strives to obtain. Partly because society paints them as total success and largely because that is what attracts most women. #19 Solely cares about. If they do not have that, then they feel that there are inadequate for the relationship. This is mainly due to the mentality that they have to be the sole providers for the household. #19 are extremely competitive about. Especially when a woman is more successful than themselves. #19 pretends they don't care about. #19.) value highly. They see materialistic things as status symbols a way for them to make place in societies continuous flow of economic motion. #19 should be trying to attain if they don't have them already. I'm not so much interested in a rich man or a man who can buy me anything I want. I can buy my own things. I'm more interested in a man who has goals and ambitions and will work hard to accomplish them, not a man who sits around all day content with whatever comes their way. #19 should have a realistic view of. Yes, I want to live comfortably and not have to worry about financial issues, but realistically, some hardship is inevitable. Personally, once I am married and we decide to have children, I want to stay at home with them just like my mom did with my sister and me. This might mean longer hours for my husband or it might be that I have to work as well. Money is important but it's not everything. Status can be important as long as it is achieved the right way. I rather have a man with a lesser position at work and have more time with him than have a workaholic who I never see. #19. feels naked and vulnerable without..or at least when they get older and they feel the need to be the "breadwinner". #19 may find important. #19 feel that they should be in control of. #19 dreams and strives for, but cannot handle when their girlfriend is the one that has money and status and they do not. #19 believe it is their role and purpose to acquire. I also think that this has to do with the traditional roles that society in the past and in some instances in the present has placed on members of the male gender. Money and status are therefore important to them so that they can fulfill these roles. #19 hold in high value. #19. Values highly. They feel they need to be the provider and the "man" of the relationship. #19 Are things that cause conflict, because men view them as things that should have more of than woman. -------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex... #20 is not willing to share their feelings with me. #20 Is deceptive. When a man chooses to manipulate and lie to get ahead or what he wants it not only hurts it speaks volumes of their character. #20 When men put their friends before their girlfriend. Also, when they are not considerate when it comes to when we are hurting. They sometimes do not even ask, rather they just wait. Ask sometimes guys! #20 lies. There is nothing worse than a man who can not be completely honest. #20 dumps me. #20.) doesn't believe you when you say something. Its as if a guy is scarred by a girl because she lied to him he thinks all girls are deceitful. I had many boyfriends who would ask me three and four times what I was doing and where I was yet never believed that I was actually telling the truth. It is ridiculous as to the lengths you have to go to get guy to believe that you want to be honest and genuine as if women are programmed at birth to be liars and heartbreakers. #20 uses a woman's feelings and love against them. A man will say or do the exact thing we ask them not to, when they are angry or upset with us. If they know that we love them, then they will play with our emotions by saying things like, "I don't love you", "I can't stand you", or "I think you are ugly". They say these things because they know that we love them and won't leave them, and will eventually forgive them for it. #20 cheats. Having been cheated on, I know how much it fucks with a girls head. Yes, we are dramatic, but what else would we be asking ourselves other than, "what did I do wrong?", "is she prettier?", and "should I take him back?". #20. Is insensitive to my needs and my emotional fluctuations due to natural female hormones. #20 does not consider my feelings. #21 they show they have been listening to you and do something special for you. #20 says they are going to call and they do not. #20 is not willing to share their feelings with me. #20 lies, and will make up excuses simply because they want to avoid conflict and drama. Even when they girl detects a guy is lying and points it out, most will elaborate on the lie before they would admit to doing wrong. #20 does not communicate well or scarcely communicates and is insensitive to what the other person in the relationship needs. #20 isn't sensitive to my feelings about certain situations. #20. Lies to me. #20 When the opposite sex doesn't treat me with respect. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTION #21. I feel best about the opposite sex when... #21 I am in a relationship with someone that respects me. #21 I'm involved in an adoring relationship or have many male friends around. #21 A guy complements me on how good I look. When they do something romantic without me asking. #21 they go out of there way to make me laugh #21 loves me. #21.) they go out of their way to make me feel special. When my ex boyfriend will offer to put gas in my car before I go out with my girlfriends at night just because he is worried about me pumping gas late at night or if he comes to bring me food because I have been studying all day and didn't have time to take a break and eat. These small and seemingly insignificant things have memorable effects. #21 they are being loving no matter who is around or where you are. When they hold you and kiss you even though their friends are watching or even though you are in a supermarket. That is the best feeling in the world. The feeling that you are the only person that matters to them in the whole world is the greatest feeling for a woman. #21 there is mutual trust, understanding and loyalty. Being able to talk to a man without hesitation is very comforting and sexy. Trusting that what I say will be respected makes me feel close to that man. Girlfriends are fun and amazing to talk to, but sometimes I just want a man's honest opinion. #21. we agree. When we can look at each other and laugh and smile and kiss, my day is a better day. #21 they treat me with respect and truly care for me as a person. #21 I am in a relationship with someone that respects me. #21 they take the time to get to know me, and have sincere and meaningful conversations. Its nice when they remember the little things I like, and make the effort to surprise me once in a while. An example of this would be remembering my favorite movie, and bringing it over to watch one night even if they didn't enjoy it themselves. 5021 #21 they make me laugh, feel appreciated, important to them, and loved. #21 my boyfriend makes a consistent effort to make me feel like the most important person in the world. #21. They respect me and my values and opinions. #21 When they go out of their way to make me happy.